Louis and the Nazis (2003 TV Movie)

Louis Theroux: Self - Presenter

Quotes 

• Louis Theroux : So, if I told you if was Jewish, would that create a problem between us?

  Skip : Well, because you've got the camera right now I'd allow you to stay. If not, I'd probably kick your ass and put you in the street somewhere.

  Louis Theroux : For real?

  Skip : Pretty much, because a Jew wouldn't be here on my property. Are you Jewish?

  Louis Theroux : Do you mind if I don't answer that?

  [Skip and the others laugh] 

  Louis Theroux : [laughs]  I'm not saying yes or no.

  Skip : So you're on the fence? You're on the fence.

  Louis Theroux : I'll tell you why - I'm not a racist, and I actually think it's wrong to be a racist. And so I feel as though by saying whether I'm Jewish or not I'm kind of in a way acknowledging the premise that it really matters when I think it shouldn't and it doesn't.

• Louis Theroux : [looking at a racist cartoon]  What have we got there?

  Tom Metzger : Well, this is a typical white whore and a black guy.

  Louis Theroux : What is the problem with a white woman going out with a black man?

  Tom Metzger : Most black men are ugly, number one.

  Louis Theroux : You think you're better looking than, uh, Denzel Washington?

  Tom Metzger : Yeah.

  Louis Theroux : Do you really?

  Tom Metzger : Oh, yeah.

  Louis Theroux : What if that was put to a vote and you were outvoted?

  Tom Metzger : And if I had the money and the power, you know, making movies, I'd get 10 times more women than him.

  Louis Theroux : Do you really believe that? That seems delusional.

  Tom Metzger : Well, I believe it. I don't know whether it's delusional or not. Denzel Washington's in there because they have to do that, they have to...

  Louis Theroux : But I'm just talking about, just on looks, I mean, you've gotta, I mean...

  Tom Metzger : You think he's...? Well, he's not bad looking. He's not as ugly a nigger as most. Like Kobe Bryant.

  Louis Theroux : Why did you use that word?

  Tom Metzger : I use it all the time. I never used to use it.

  Louis Theroux : Would you not use it around me?

  Tom Metzger : Not use it? In my home I'll use it. If you don't want to say it in a restaurant or out someplace, I won't. But in my home I'll say whatever I want. And then it's up to you.

  Louis Theroux : That's your right. As a favour to me though.

  Tom Metzger : No. If I decide I wanna say nigger I'll say it. That really upsets you, don't it?

  Louis Theroux : Hmm... It doesn't really upset me...

  Tom Metzger : Well, good, then we'll go on. I'll show you some more cartoons.

  Louis Theroux : Just it makes me think slightly less of you.

  Tom Metzger : Well, that's OK. I'm not here to adopt you.

• Louis Theroux : [narrating]  It had been a long, and in some ways, depressing day. I'd found Tom's attitudes exhausting and I still more confused when the karaoke bar he took me to turned out to be largely non-white. I could assume that, for Tom, karaoke sometimes took precedence over racism.

• Louis Theroux : Are there things that they're forbidden, that other kids have, things that you deny them?

  Lynx Gaede : Game Boys. We don't...

  April Gaede : Yeah, I'm not much for the Nintendo, computer games stuff.

  Louis Theroux : What about on racial terms though?

  Lynx Gaede : Oh, we've got Ethnic Cleansing, but we don't play that very often.

  Louis Theroux : What's that?

  April Gaede : That's a computer game that the National Alliance puts out. It's called Ethic Cleansing. It's basically a shoot-em-up computer game in which basically a skinhead goes through a ghetto and shoots blacks and Mexicans.

  Louis Theroux : [to Lynx]  Do you like it?

  Lynx Gaede : [nods]  Mm-hm. It's really hard though, because of course, all the people that you shoot have guns too. They hide in bushes and stuff, they're like perched up on basketball hoops and stuff, and they're climbing in trees and stuff. So, you've gotta watch out and then when you hear the gorilla sound - they make gorilla sounds - it goes "Ooh-ooh-ooh!" like that, and you go "Wee-oo!" like that and then you shoot it.

  Louis Theroux : Is that a good idea do you think, April? It seems a little...

  Lynx Gaede : Vulgar?

  Louis Theroux : OK.

  [April laughs] 

• Tom Metzger : [opening his front door]  Good morning! Friend or foe?

  Louis Theroux : Well, we haven't worked that out yet, have we?

• [Louis is following Tom during his day job as TV repairman and has discovered that his oldest and most loyal client is a Peruvian man] 

  Louis Theroux : You're one of the most famous racists in America, maybe the most famous, and there you were saying that you were friends with this guy who looked to me non-white, or at least mixed-race, and it just seemed inconsistent. I just thought that was kind of weird.

  Tom Metzger : Well, maybe you need to be educated in the ways of the world.

  Louis Theroux : How do you mean? I mean, don't you see that as inconsistent? That you would say you have a friend who looks like he's mixed-race? I don't get that.

  Tom Metzger : [laughs]  Louis is hanging on this friend thing, a very abstract word. I would not debate the term "friend" on the man's doorstep. Now, you and I can debate it... I don't want to hurt the man's feelings.

  Louis Theroux : No, but there was more to it than that, Tom. I felt warmth between you.

  Tom Metzger : That's just an association, that you know these people, and common courtesy and politeness...

  Louis Theroux : Do you really not see what I'm trying to say?

  Tom Metzger : I see what you're trying to say but your brain is twisted.

  Louis Theroux : I think your brain is twisted.

  Tom Metzger : Well, then we agree, we both agree that we believe each other's brain is twisted.

  Louis Theroux : Yeah, but the facts are on my side.

  [Tom protests but Louis talks over him] 

  Louis Theroux : You have friends who are non-white and you pal around with people who are non-white and you're living a happy life in a gorgeous multicultural community...

  Tom Metzger : Whoa, whoa, whoa...

  Louis Theroux : And you keep pretending that you're a revolutionary but the facts of your existence completely undermine that.

  Tom Metzger : Oh, doesn't that totally fit your package?

  Louis Theroux : It's the truth though.

  Tom Metzger : [laughs]  This is really funny.

  Louis Theroux : Your day-to-day life is a standing refutation of everything you profess to believe.

• Louis Theroux : Did I ever tell you the thing about Denzel Washington, that Tom said?

  John Malpezzi : What did he say about him?

  Louis Theroux : He said that he thinks he's better looking than Denzel Washington.

  John Malpezzi : I think Tom is too. As a matter of fact, we're going to make a mug out of Tom's head. I want to trademark his head. That beautiful head.

  Louis Theroux : [holding a publicity photograph of Tom, running his finger across Tom's forehead]  Like, what, you would drink out of here?

  John Malpezzi : Uh... yeah!

  [Louis makes a funny face. Tom and his mother laugh] 

  John's Mother : You wouldn't enjoy a drink out of that.

  John Malpezzi : I sure would. Oh yeah, man.

  John's Mother : People like mugs.

  John Malpezzi : Oh yeah, they love mugs.

  John's Mother : And his head would make a good mug.

• [April has marked out a swastika on the floor of her kitchen with black tape and her preteen daughters Lamb and Lynx dance around it] 

  Louis Theroux : Sometimes I wonder if you kind of know how that stuff comes across.

  April Gaede : [shrugs]  That's an ancient Ayran good luck symbol.

  Louis Theroux : Do you care about people's feelings?

  April Gaede : Of course I do. I think I'm a pretty empathetic person.

  Louis Theroux : Because, I mean, irrespective of what the political reality is, as you see it, as other people see it... There's just a lot of people who...

  April Gaede : Oh, you mean all the Jews who might be just like really upset at seeing a swastika, so they might be offended?

  Louis Theroux : Why does that make you make to cause more offence?

  April Gaede : See, I'm not doing it to go cause pain to somebody. Just because I find it entertaining to put a swastika on the floor. You told me to act normal, you told me to do stuff that I would normally have done. You know, when my kids and I go to the beach, sometimes we draw swastikas in the sand and you guys are nowhere around. Gee, I wonder why we do that? Maybe because we just want to, because we think it's a neat-looking symbol. You just comprehend it. But you know what's funny? You don't seem to understand my way of thinking but I do somewhat understand your way of thinking because I used to be somewhat of a brainwashed lemming like yourself. No offence.

  [she laughs] 

  Louis Theroux : None taken.

• Louis Theroux : You can't talk about that?

  John Malpezzi : Well, let me put it to you this way... I represented a lot of, as I told you, large clients like Pablo Escobar and guys like that.

  Louis Theroux : You were some kind of big kingpin cocaine dealer?

  John Malpezzi : Me? Little old me? Oh, jeez.

  Louis Theroux : Seriously?

  John Malpezzi : Everybody needs an attorney, even guys like Pablo Escobar.

• Skip : Louis's a Jew. I already know it, I already know it. You're a Jew. That's why you've got so much animosity.

  Heather : OK, we can't say you don't look like a Jew...

  Skip : [pointing his finger at Louis]  You're a Jew. You're Jewish.

  Heather : And don't not say "I'm not" because you think somebody's gonna beat you up, it's not like that with us.

  Louis Theroux : Why do you care, why will it make any difference to you whether I am or not?

  Skip : Because I like to know who's been in my house. You do got kind of a big nose, you are kinda greasy... You do look kinda Jewish. You got an accent like these lads...

  [points to the sound man] 

  Skip : He's not Jewish, I'll tell you that right now.

  Heather : Look at his face, you know he's not Jewish. But you, frankly, we look at your face... But we would like to know, we wanna know if you're a fucking Jew and if we've let you into our house to film our fucking everyday ritual... Are you a fucking Jew?

  Louis Theroux : I don't feel as though - I mean, maybe you disagree - I don't feel as though I've kind of compelled you to say anything, I feel as though I've been respectful and I appreciate that you've let us into your house...

  Heather : You have. I'm not even debating the fact that you've been respectful to my house and to my people.

  Louis Theroux : I honestly don't think I would interrogate you to the point where - if you said "I don't want to talk about that" I would say "OK, that's fine, we'll talk about something else." So I'd like you to respect me in the same way.

  Skip : Can we turn the camera off for a second? Pull the plug?

  Louis Theroux : What for?

  Heather : Well, nothing crazy. Don't get all fucking alarmed. Just for free talk, to not feel like we're not filmed.

  Louis Theroux : I would really rather not say.

  Skip : I would really rather you tell me. I've exposed myself, I've exposed my family, I've exposed my brothers and my sisters and my children. Expose yourself now.

  Louis Theroux : [offers his hand]  Let's leave it at that, can we please, Skip?

  Skip : [getting up]  We will, just a second.

  [he goes back inside the house and the others follow him, leaving Louis sitting on his own outside] 

  Louis Theroux : [voiceover]  I thought it was time to leave.

• [Louis meets April's father] 

  Bill Gaede : Right now, all the people have been so politically-correct they wouldn't say shit if they had a mouth full of it. But now the people are beginning to see what's going on and their backbone's beginning to straighten up a little bit and get a little stiffer. All the white people are.

  Louis Theroux : I'm a multiculturalist.

  Bill Gaede : Are ya?

  Louis Theroux : Yeah.

  Bill Gaede : When you get married are you gonna marry a white person or a nigger? Huh?

  April Gaede : What do you usually date? Do you usually date white women?

  Louis Theroux : So far...

  April Gaede : That's what you find attractive.

  Louis Theroux : Does Jewish count as white?

  April Gaede : No.

  Bill Gaede : No, not in our books.

  [he laughs] 

  Louis Theroux : Why not?

  April Gaede : I think we should hope that he marries some Jewess. Won't that be funny?

  Bill Gaede : A JAP. Do you know what a JAP is?

  April Gaede : Yeah, a Jewish American Princess. I hope... Boy, you're gonna be...

  [pinches two fingers together] 

  April Gaede : Boy, she's gonna have you right there.

  Bill Gaede : What's your name?

  Louis Theroux : Louis.

  Bill Gaede : [high-pitched shrill voice]  Louis! Louis, I want a new ring, Louis! Bring me my coffee - tea, Louis! Come and flush the toilet for me, Louis, I can't put the handle down!

• Louis Theroux : [about Lamb and Lynx's indoctrination]  Do you realise what a handicap that will be for them in life?

  April Gaede : No, it won't be.

  Louis Theroux : That they'll be going through life with this dual mindset which is what their mum's told them and how normal people conduct themselves in the world.

  April Gaede : Well, see, but I believe that we're normal and that we're correct and that other people are distorted. So, yes, I understand that I'm raising my children in a perverted world, in a perverted multiculturalist world.

• Louis Theroux : [cutting April off during a rant about her dislike of other races]  I'm not being facetious but have you ever thought about getting some kind of therapy, or something like that? Because what you have is almost like a pathological...

  April Gaede : Have you ever thought about getting therapy and maybe realising how brainwashed you are by multiculturalism?

  Louis Theroux : I feel like I'm pretty well connected to reality.

  April Gaede : Well, see, I feel that I am too.

  Louis Theroux : But you're outvoted.

  April Gaede : Huh?

  Louis Theroux : Basically, you're outvoted.

  April Gaede : What, here?

  Louis Theroux : In civilised thought, yeah, basically.

• [Louis meets the notorious Tom Metzger at his house] 

  Tom Metzger : And what branch of the government are you from?

  Louis Theroux : I'm from the BBC, the broadcasting arm of the government.

  Tom Metzger : Oh, the heavy duty boys, huh? Come on in.

• [Tom is about to take Louis to a Neo-Nazi rally] 

  Tom Metzger : Yo, yo, yo. Are you ready to go to the Hate-nanny?

  Louis Theroux : [laughing]  Is that what they call it?

  Tom Metzger : The Hate-nanny.

• [April's 11-year-old twins Lamb and Lynx have just sung a right-wing propaganda song about South Africa] 

  Louis Theroux : Do they...? They don't seem old enough to really know what that's about.

  April Gaede : Well, I've explained it to them some.

  [to the twins] 

  April Gaede : What's the ANC?

  Lamb Gaede : [thinking]  It's, um... African... National... C... African National...

  April Gaede : Congress.

  Lamb Gaede : Congress.

  April Gaede : And what happened in South Africa?

  Lamb Gaede : The... the blacks are killing whites.

  April Gaede : And in Zimbabwe.

  Lamb Gaede : Yeah, and in Z... Binzabwe.

  April Gaede : Zimbabwe.

  Louis Theroux : They seem a little young to get into politics and racial issues, maybe.

  April Gaede : Yeah, but they've got to start sometime.

• [Louis, Tom and John are going to Mexico for the day] 

  Louis Theroux : [driving the car]  So what is the plan when we get there?

  Tom Metzger : [to John]  Why don't you tell him the truth? You just wanna get to that whore down there. That's what you're really saying.

  John Malpezzi : I wouldn't refer to a lovely lady like that as a whore.

  Tom Metzger : Well, if you pay money, she's a whore.

• Louis Theroux : Would you mind that, April? Would you be cool with that?

  April Gaede : What, with them dating a skinhead?

  Louis Theroux : Yeah, and maybe getting married.

  April Gaede : Yeah, if he was a good hard worker and he wasn't spending his time boozing it up and causing trouble.

  Louis Theroux : To me they seem kind of angry and sociopathic.

  April Gaede : They just don't seem that way to me. Maybe it's because you're just so freaked out when you see people salute. Maybe that's why.

  Louis Theroux : Maybe I'm just not meeting any of the really good ones.

  April Gaede : Maybe.

  Louis Theroux : The marriage material.