The Pacifier (2005)
Vin Diesel: Shane Wolfe
Photos
Quotes
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Lulu Plummer : Do you know Kung Fu?
Shane Wolfe : Yes.
Lulu Plummer : Have you ever hit a guy so hard his head came off?
Shane Wolfe : No.
Lulu Plummer : Why are your boobs so big?
Shane Wolfe : [shocked] They are not... boobs.
Lulu Plummer : Do you have to wear a bra?
Shane Wolfe : What?
Lulu Plummer : Will mine be as big as yours one day?
Shane Wolfe : Isn't it about time you go nappy-poo in beddy-bye land?
Lulu Plummer : Do I look like I'm five?
Shane Wolfe : What did I say?
Lulu Plummer : Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.
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Shane Wolfe : When you're down and low, lower than the floor, And you feel like you ain't got a chance. Bom, bom, bom, Don't make a move till you're in the groove And do the Peter Panda Dance:
[Clap twice]
Shane Wolfe : 'Just hop three times like a kangaroo, Side-step twice just like those/the crabs do, Three steps forward, one step back. Quick like a turtle, lie on your back!
[Whispering]
Shane Wolfe : 'Roll like a log till you can't roll no more!' Better jump up quick like there ain't no floor, Hold your breath, and jump/step/slide to the left'; And that's the Peter, I swear that's the Peter, That's the Peter Panda Dance!
[And then he goes on and say]
Shane Wolfe : Goodnight, Peter Panda!
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Shane Wolfe : Mrs. Plummer, I will personally make sure your kids are...
[Gary the Duck bites him in the ear]
Shane Wolfe : Oh, my God!
Julie Plummer : [puts Gary down] Sorry, that's Gary. He was Howard's.
Shane Wolfe : He bit me!
Julie Plummer : I know. He thinks he's a guard dog.
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Lulu Plummer : I think you're cute!
Shane Wolfe : [awkwardly] Thank you.
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Shane Wolfe : [after Seth has gone to his room] Where's the older male? There were five.
Helga : [fearfully] He walks like Dracula, silent as the dead.
Zoe Plummer : He's in his room.
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Firefly Scout : Den mother, you frighten me.
Shane Wolfe : Good.
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[after seeing Woody Woodchuck's kiddie restaurant]
Shane Wolfe : And they say *war* is hell.
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Seth Plummer : [Shane kicks in Seth's bedroom door - Seth exits the bathroom] Oh my god! What did you do?
Shane Wolfe : I was trying to protect you!
Seth Plummer : How? By pulling a shock-and-awe on my door?
Shane Wolfe : I can fix that.
Seth Plummer : No you can't! It's broken in half!
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Shane Wolfe : We're going to do this my way, no highway option.
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[from trailer]
Shane Wolfe : [to the kids he's watching] I'm never gonna be able to remember your names so you're Red One, Red Two, Red Three, Red Baby.
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[from trailer]
Shane Wolfe : [while changing the baby's diaper] Ewwww, Red Baby!
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Helga : [to Shane] Are you licensed to kill?
Shane Wolfe : No, why?
Helga : Too bad. It could have come in handy.
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Lulu Plummer : I can cross my eyes, wanna see?
Shane Wolfe : No!
Lulu Plummer : [crosses her eyes, then baby Tyler cries] He hates it when I do that.
Shane Wolfe : I know the feeling.
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Shane Wolfe : [garage door opens, and the family van is revealed] What is it?
Seth Plummer : It's a "minivan".
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Shane Wolfe : [to Zoe's boyfriend, Scott] Give me twenty!
[Scott pulls out his wallet]
Shane Wolfe : I mean push-ups!
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Shane Wolfe : [making it up as he goes] Once upon a time, there was a family of... elves. And one day the... little elf... family went into the magic forest to look for a secret... gnome... facility. The gnomes were turning mushrooms into uranium, so three of the elves laid down heavy suppressive fire on the gnomes, while the others manoeuvered around to the right flank, killing all those left alive.
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Shane Wolfe : Rule number one: never be too eager to rush your opponent.
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Shane Wolfe : From this position, it is relatively easy to manipulate your opponent. Thus we have the chicken wing, the arm bar, the crow bar and my personal favorite - the pacifier.
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Shane Wolfe : They were after this.
[He loads the "GHOST" disc into laptop, the movie "Ghost" begins playing]
Lulu Plummer : They want our "Ghost" movie? Haven't they heard of Blockbuster?
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Shane Wolfe : Think of it as a Bradley Assault Vehicle.
Seth Plummer : Yeah, especially with Zoe driving.
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Shane Wolfe : [to Vice Principle Murney] I can't today, I'm on duty...
Vice Principal Murney : [to Shane] Oh yeah, you're babysitting. More like "doo-doo duty."
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Lulu Plummer : [Lulu walks up to Shane] Hi. Zoe says you look like the Hulk; I think you're cute.
Shane Wolfe : [Uncomfortably] Thank you.
Lulu Plummer : Do you do Kung Fu?
Shane Wolfe : Yes.
Lulu Plummer : Did you ever punch someone so hard that their head came off?
Shane Wolfe : No.
Lulu Plummer : Why are your boobs so big?
Shane Wolfe : [Offended] They're NOT boobs.
Lulu Plummer : Do you have to wear a bra?
[Shane walks into the other room. Lulu follows him]
Lulu Plummer : So will my boobs get as big as yours someday?
Shane Wolfe : You know, little girl, I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.
Lulu Plummer : Do I look like I'm five to you?
[Crossly walks away]
Shane Wolfe : What did I say?
Lulu Plummer : Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you!
[Slams door]
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Shane Wolfe : [Lulu has talked Shane into leading her troop] Tonight, I'm your den mother. That means if you want to live to see tomorrow, you will do everything I say. Do we understand each other?
Firefly Girl Scout : Den mother, you frighten me.
Shane Wolfe : Good.
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Shane Wolfe : Give me twenty.
[Scott reaches for his wallet]
Shane Wolfe : I meant push-ups!
Scott : [uncomfortably] Zoe?
Shane Wolfe : Drop down! Do twenty!
[Scott drops down on the ground and begins doing push-ups. Shane begins to count]
Shane Wolfe : One...
Zoe Plummer : [Shane continues to count] OK, this is not the Army or the Navy!
[Later after Scott is gone, Zoe is going upstairs angrily]
Zoe Plummer : Real nice move, Lt. Smooth! Now he'll probably never want to see me again!
Shane Wolfe : Then I did you a favor.
Zoe Plummer : Whoa! Personal bubble invasion.
