Wedding Crashers (2005)
Christopher Walken: Secretary Cleary
Photos
Quotes
-
Claire Cleary : [to Sack] I can't marry you.
Sack Lodge : Secretary. Your daughter's a little...
Secretary Cleary : Sack, I've always liked you. So I put up with your stories about scallops and otters, and it's all good because you seem to make her happy and that's what matters to me most. But this is *her* decision.
[he makes a mock salute to her]
Secretary Cleary : I stand by my daughter.
Sack Lodge : [waving him off] You don't know shit.
-
Todd Cleary : Death, you are my bitch lover!
Secretary Cleary : Todd, that's good! Tell that mean ocean!
-
John Beckwith : Secretary Cleary, I'm John Ryan.
Secretary Cleary : Hi, John.
John Beckwith : I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your position paper on economic expansion in Micronesia.
Secretary Cleary : You've read my position paper?
John Beckwith : I read it while I was sailing my boat to Bermuda.
Secretary Cleary : A sailor? Good man! Take a seat. You didn't happen to catch my speech on the Paraguayan debt and money supply issue did you?
John Beckwith : Are you kidding me? I thought it was great! Your argument for the inverse ratio of capitalization to debt was genius. Now if we could just get Congress not to be so short-sighted.
Secretary Cleary : Yes! Well put. Short-sighted. John, what d'you say we head onto the deck and light up a couple of cigars?
John Beckwith : Stogies?
Secretary Cleary : Yeah.
John Beckwith : Why not?
-
Secretary Cleary : Once Sack and Claire tie the knot, two of the great American families, the Clearys and the Lodges, will finally unite.
John Beckwith : And then of course you can challenge the Klingons for interstellar domination.
[stunned silence, then Claire laughs]
-
Secretary Cleary : Well, the guy wants to run for president, he thinks Moby Dick is a venereal disease.
-
Claire Cleary : Don't you think that's really soon?
Secretary Cleary : Well, you know Gloria, she's impetuous. Has to have what she wants, when she wants it. We had to give her a sweet sixteen on her thirteenth birthday!
-
[Jeremy's hands and feet are tied to the bed]
Secretary Cleary : Are you okay in here?
Jeremy Grey : I was just having a bad dream.
-
Secretary Cleary : It wouldn't kill you to play some competitive sports, once in a while.
Todd Cleary : [suddenly incensed] Would that make you love me?
-
Claire Cleary : Actually Todd is an amazing painter. He's going to the Rhode Island School of Design.
John Beckwith : Wow, that's a great school. Congratulations, Todd. That's really impressive. RIS-D!
Todd Cleary : Yeah, Dad - Dad always thought I'd be a political liability...
[getting angry]
Todd Cleary : ...in case he ever ran for President.
Secretary Cleary : Now, now Todd. Actually, truth be told, polling shows that a majority of the American people would ultimately empathize with our situation.
Todd Cleary : [sharply, raising his voice] What IS our situation, Dad?
Grandma Mary Cleary : You're a homo.
-
Secretary Cleary : You know she is not just another notch on the old belt.
Jeremy Grey : I don't even wear a belt... Beltless.
Secretary Cleary : [menacingly] I am a very powerful man.
Jeremy Grey : Yes, you are.
[Cleary pauses meaningfully]
Secretary Cleary : [cheerfully] See you for dinner.
-
Secretary Cleary : Just wonderful!
Chazz Reinhold : So damn beautiful! With every death there comes rebirth, it's the circle of life. We're gonna be alright.
[Makes humping motions]
-
[a gunshot is heard from inside the Cleary mansion; Grandma Cleary is chasing Jeremy outside]
Jeremy Grey : RUN! JOHNNY! She's tryin' to kill me!
[shouting continues]
Claire Cleary : Grandma!
John Beckwith : Whoa! Whoa!
Jeremy Grey : Get the gun from her!
Secretary Cleary : Put the gun down! Mother, stop!
Jeremy Grey : This is the real world, lady! You can't just go shooting people on a whim!
John Beckwith : [shocked] What did you do?
Jeremy Grey : [to Father O'Neil] I told you that in confidence. That was a confession!
Claire Cleary : What are you talking about?
-
Secretary Cleary : It's crap!