- Nanny McPhee: There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go. It's rather sad, really, but there it is.
- [Nanny McPhee turns around to walk out of the room, but stops once she hears Simon]
- Simon Brown: We will never want you!
- Nanny McPhee: Then I will never go.
- Lily: Evangeline, do you love Papa?
- Evangeline: Of course not! I know my place. That wouldn't be right. I mean... yes.
- Lily: Papa, do you love Evangeline?
- Mr. Brown: What are you saying? That- that would be totally improper. I mean a thing like that could- could never happen. I mean, obviously... yes.
- Nanny McPhee: How's the reading coming along?
- Evangeline: Oh... all right. I still haven't gotten to the end of the story, though.
- Nanny McPhee: There's no need. You are the end of the story.
- Mr. Brown: [monologue] I was confident that there was nothing they could do to upset her.
- Nanny Whetstone: [charges into the mortuary screaming] THEY'VE EATEN THE BABY!
- Mr. Brown: [monologue] Except that.
- Mrs. Blatherwick: [repeatedly, holding up a piece of paper and pointing to it, referring to the children not being allowed inside the kitchen] I have it in writin'.
- Narrator: Hello. Unfortunately, we must start the story with an empty chair. If it wasn't empty, however, we wouldn't have a story. But, it is, and we do, so we must tell it.
- Simon Brown: You must feel at such a disadvantage, Nanny McPhee.
- Nanny McPhee: In what way?
- Simon Brown: We know your name... but you don't know ours.
- [holds out hand]
- Simon Brown: Pleased to make your acquantence, I'm Oglinton Fartworthy.
- [Children giggle whilst making farty noises]
- Nanny McPhee: [Shakes Simon's hand] How d'you do.
- Simon Brown: That's F-A-R-T, Fartworthy.
- Tora: Booger McHorsefanny.
- Lily: Knickers O'Muffin.
- Eric Brown: Sandra.
- Christianna: Bum.
- Sebastian: I'm Bum!
- Christianna: Oh, Bosoms.
- [Children giggle out loud]
- Baby Agatha: Bum.
- Christianna: You can't be Bum, Aggie! Sebastian's Bum. You're Poop.
- Baby Agatha: Poop Bum.
- Sebastian: You can't be Poop and Bum!
- Mrs. Quickly: [to the children] There's only one thing men want. It's no wonder there are so many of you.
- Mr. Brown: Milk?
- Great Aunt Adelaide: Definitely not! Most unhealthy!
- Mr. Brown: Sugar?
- Great Aunt Adelaide: Six, if you please.
- Mr. Brown: Six...
- Simon Brown: [Nanny McPhee appears only after he taps her wand into the ground, he nervously quotes her] I-I *did* knock...
- Nanny McPhee: I know. I heard you.
- Tora: [regarding the rattle that she has just taken from the baby] It was our mother's rattle. Give it back!
- Mrs. Quickly: I'm your mother now.
- Mrs. Quickly: [snaps rattle in half]
- Great Aunt Adelaide: I shall relieve you of one of your children and give it a home with me at Stitch Manor... As for your fortunate daughter - for it must be a girl and not one of those other things...
- Tora: [deciding who will go with their great-aunt] Well, I'm the eldest girl. I'll go.
- Lily: No. I've always known I was destined for tragedy. I'll go.
- Baby Agatha: Aggy go.
- Eric Brown: Don't be silly, Aggy. You're not even a whole girl yet.
- Christianna: No. She wanted me. I'll go.
- Sebastian: You can't all go.
- Mr. Brown: I can't support my own family. I never have been able to. There are so many of you. But You're all so delicious. When Aggy came along and your mother was so ill, I said to her, "I think we will have to stop now, dear," and she said... She said, "I know."
- [first lines]
- Mr. Brown: We must begin our story, sad to say with an empty chair. If it were not empty, we would not have a story. But, it is. And we do, and it is time to tell it.
- Mr. Brown: Nanny McPhee! Now she can't take the donkey, so what have you done?
- Nanny McPhee: I have done nothing, sir. The children have decided amongst themselves.
- Mr. Brown: Decided what?
- Great Aunt Adelaide: [off in distance] There you are, my dear.
- Mr. Brown: Not little Chrissy. it's Evangeline
- [runs from the house]
- Mr. Brown: Evangeline!
- Great Aunt Adelaide: [in the carriage] Now my dear, tell me your name.
- Mr. Brown: [bolts down the road] Evangeline!
- Nanny McPhee: Tell me your name.
- Mr. Brown: [in the forest] Evangeline!
- Great Aunt Adelaide: Sit up straight, and tell me your name.
- Mr. Brown: [the carriage fades in the distance] NO! Evangeline!
- Christianna: Papa! Papa!
- [races into her father's arms and hugs him]
- Mr. Brown: Oh thank...
- [the other children run up to him]
- Mr. Brown: all of you? Oh... Then who is?
- Evangeline: [raises head for Aunt Adelaide to see] Evangeline... My name is Evangeline.
- Nanny McPhee: [after using a winking donkey to rescue the children from their Great Aunt] One of you is going to have to go and it can't be the donkey.
- [Mr. Brown goes to the Nannies of Distinction. Mrs. Partridge locks the door and he tries to open the door, but it won't budge. He knocking on the door]
- Mr. Brown: Mrs. Partridge?
- The Voice of Mrs Partridge: We're closed!
- [turns the sign and says "Closed"]
- Mr. Brown: There's been a tiny hiccup.
- The Voice of Mrs Partridge: We're not here!
- [she put the blinds down]
- Mr. Brown: No, no. Please, let me in.
- The Voice of Mrs Partridge: Go away!
- Mr. Brown: I'm sure, there's time. Listen, they didn't eat the baby. It was a chicken, actually.
- The Voice of Mrs Partridge: There's no more nannies! You've had the lot!
- [she slams the door and Mr. Brown leaves]
- [last lines]
- Vicar: Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Make a loud noise and rejoice and sing praise.
- Nanny McPhee: [narrating, as she nods to the empty chair of the Brown family matriarch then walks away into the countryside] There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me, but no longer need me, then I have to go.
- Mrs. Blatherwick: Where are you? You bloody half breeds, I'm ready and I'm armed!
- [Eric comes down the dumbwaiter and bashes Mrs. Blatherwick with a frying pan knocking her out]