- Siobhan Kelly: Shalom, everybody! Hi, I'm Siobhan Kelly. Well, Saul Berg has done it again, putting together another incredible tennis classic benefiting the Los Angeles Youth Network. We're all going mashuguna here for the hottest celebrities playing tennis for charities. So stick around. Mazel tov.
- Johnnie Green: Listen, it's just a gift I found at the bottom of my bag, thought you might like it. You don't, I'll go sell it for a million to Jim or Robin or someone.
- Danny Macklin: You write for, what, Robin Williams?
- Johnnie Green: Yeah, what do you think he makes that "improv" shit up? Off the top of his head? Right. He'd still be Mork from fucking Ork if he didn't buy jokes from me at a hundred grand a pop.
- Gary Morgan: You know, your marriage was destroying your backhand. You know, you weren't in the zen. There was no joy. Tennis, it's a joyous expression of life.
- Danny Macklin: If tennis is such a joyous expression of life, why do so many tennis pros kill themselves?
- Gary Morgan: Well, because they don't know it's a joyous expression of life.
- Courtney Conte: Let me, let me explain something to you, okay. In the not-too-distant past, this company had eight shows on the air at the same time. Our last show, Everybody's Buddy, the Johnnie Green Show, you know, was the greatest syndication sale in television history. Okay? Today I've got two shows on the air and you are the star of one of them. You know, the crew looks to the star for leadership, for morale. And morale is pretty fucking low when the star of the show is sleeping on dirty laundry on an air mattress in his dressing room. You know, I hear about this for weeks now. How they can't get in your room and they open the door and it bumps up against something on the floor, which I guess is you!