Stranger Than Fiction (2006)
Queen Latifah: Penny Escher
Photos
Quotes
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Penny Escher : And I suppose you smoked all these cigarettes?
Kay Eiffel : No, they came pre-smoked.
Penny Escher : Yeah, they said you were funny.
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Kay Eiffel : [Penny goes to answer phone] Don't answer that!
Penny Escher : Didn't you say this phone never r - ?
Kay Eiffel : Shh!
[types another sentence; the phone rings and she runs to answer it]
Kay Eiffel : Hello?
Harold Crick : Is this Karen Eiffel?
Kay Eiffel : Yes.
Harold Crick : My name is Harold Crick. I believe you're writing a story about me.
Kay Eiffel : I'm sorry?
Harold Crick : My name is Harold Crick.
Kay Eiffel : Is this a joke?
Harold Crick : No. No, I work for the IRS. My name, Miss Eiffel, is Harold Crick. When I go through the files at work I hear a deep and endless ocean.
Kay Eiffel : [gasps; drops phone in terror] Oh, G - !
Harold Crick : Miss Eiffel?
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Penny Escher : [They are in a hospital ward surround by lots of sick and injured people] What are we doing here? I don't even think we're supposed to *be* in here.
Kay Eiffel : You told me I needed visual stimulation.
Penny Escher : Yeah, I meant a museum or something.
Kay Eiffel : I don't *need* a museum. I need the goddamn infirm.
Penny Escher : [slightly under her breath] You *are* the infirm.
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Penny Escher : Man in tweed?
Kay Eiffel : There's nothing wrong with him, he just likes looking at sick people.
Penny Escher : Oddly spoken with disdain.
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Kay Eiffel : ...It came to me.
Penny Escher : How?
Kay Eiffel : Well, Penny, like anything worth writing it came inexplicably and without method.
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Kay Eiffel : What's this?
Penny Escher : It's literature on the nicotine patch.
Kay Eiffel : I don't need a nicotine patch, Penny. I smoke cigarettes.
Penny Escher : Well, it may help.
Kay Eiffel : May help? Help what? Help what, Penny? Help write a novel?
Penny Escher : May help save your life.
Kay Eiffel : I'm not in the business of saving lives.
[spits into tissue to Penny's disgust, and puts cigarette in tissue]
Kay Eiffel : In fact, just the opposite.
[wipes water out of eye]
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Penny Escher : I'm Penny Escher. I'm the assistant your publishers hired.
Kay Eiffel : The spy.
Penny Escher : The assistant. I provide the same services as a secretary.
Kay Eiffel : I don't need a secretary.
Penny Escher : Then I will have to find some other way of occupying my time.
Kay Eiffel : Like watching me like a vulture in case I get distracted, because they, the publishers, think I have writer's block, isn't that right?
Penny Escher : Do you have writer's block?
[Kay doesn't answer]
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Penny Escher : [sitting on bench under an umbrella] May I ask what we're doing out here?
Kay Eiffel : [sitting next to Penny without an umbrella] We're imagining car wrecks.
Penny Escher : I see. And we can't imagine car wrecks inside?
Kay Eiffel : No. Did you know that 41 percent of accidents occur in times of inclement weather?
Penny Escher : So do 90 percent of pneumonia cases.
Kay Eiffel : Really? Pneumonia. That's an interesting way to die. But how would Harold catch pneumonia?
Penny Escher : Have you written anything new today?
Kay Eiffel : No.
Penny Escher : Did you read the poems I suggested, or make a list of words, buy new typing paper, anything?
Kay Eiffel : No, none of it.
Penny Escher : Sitting in the rain won't write books.