Simon Says (2006) User Reviews

Another Absurd and Stupid Slasher

[claudio_carvalho · 3/10 · 13 June 2010]

The pothead Zack (Greg Cipes); the sweethearts Kate (Margo Harshman) and Riff (Artie Baxter); the slut Vicky (Carrie Finklea); and the spoiled Ashley (Kelly Vitz) travel by van to the backwoods to camp. They meet two strange graveyard diggers that advise them to leave the place otherwise they could be murdered. Then they meet the deranged retarded Simon (Crispin Glover) in the gas station and Riff has a friction with the guy. They find a paradisiac spot to camp at the riverside, but Simon and Stanley transform their holiday in a nightmarish night.

"Simon Says" is another absurd and stupid slasher that follows the style of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn" and other films of this sub-genre of horror. Crispin Glover performs an annoying character that keeps saying "and you forgot to say…Simon says" (even in the end of the credits). But the most irritating in this story is the ability and invulnerability of his undestroyable character. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Siga o Mestre" ("Follow the Master")

Pretty bad

[matches81 · 3/10 · 11 January 2008]

The story of "Simon says" is nothing new. Some teenagers in the wood get hunted down by some sicko. So, I didn't expect much anyway in that regard. Still, the movie disappointed me. The teenagers are just your basic clichés for this kind of movie, which is not necessarily bad, but the main problem is the main character, Simon. In my opinion he's just way overdone. The acting is almost like a caricature. So, what should be a threatening character ends up being a (sadly bad) joke. The kills are good, but that's about it. Everything else in this movie just is below par, even for the genre.

Still, with a better Simon this movie could be fun. With that guy it's more a pain to watch than anything else. Avoid this movie.

Interesting for the genre lovers, skip otherwise

[rust37 · 5/10 · 7 July 2007]

To make a long story short: it's not scary, and is poor in every aspect - script, camera, directing, acting.. Moreover it tries (poorly again) to be a grotesque in a way of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre II. So Simon says: "Do not watch this movie".

Good news is that it has got a spark of creativity, i.e. some of the scenes/effects were way beyond my expectation like one with a dog, and with flying blonde. Brutal, cold blooded, blunt, not too detailed - right to what it should be.

Well, simply avoid this Simon unless you are a horror fan with some exploratory streak.

Comedy? Slasher? I don't get it...

[nicole10221991 · 1/10 · 8 January 2016]

I decided to watch this one night when nothing was on. The description made the movie sound interesting and the fact that Crispin Glover was in it made me want to watch it. It at first seemed just OK but as it kept going I was actually becoming bored. I don't mind that the same ideas keep being used when it comes to the horror genre but when there isn't one character I can relate to or "root for" I have to say the movie failed. To me, one element that makes a good horror or slasher film is having that one character (hero or heroine) to cheer for. When its a bunch of idiots and unlikeable characters its a waste of time. Fans of horror know what Im talking about (The Halloween series always comes to mind when it comes to the heroine that is needed) Maybe it was bad acting and bad writing that made this terrible? I would say to a die hard horror fan (like me who has seen almost every horror/slasher film known to man) to skip this movie. I will say though Crispin as always delivered a fantastic performance its just a shame no one else delivered a great performance and that the script fell flat.

So close, yet.... Nah, it wasn't even close!

[bobnbeth-1 · 2/10 · 10 August 2009]

What can I say about this movie. My expectations were something along the lines of evil dead 2, as it advertised, and I was sorely disappointed. Some ingenious ways of killing our hapless campers has everything to do with a pick axe you ever wanted to know about, and I got tired of it very quickly. Maybe they had some left over from My Bloody Valentine or Trackman. Crispin Glovers usually good creepy acting seemed out of place in this, like he was trying TOO hard to be creepy. He doesn't have to try, it comes naturally, like in Wizard of Gore. There were a few admirable killing scenes,the spinning log to be sure, and some above average makeup and special effects, but just not enough to merit a rental, and definitely not a purchase. It's as if the director is working to achieve the scary horror of ED2, and Glover is on that plane half the time, but someone forgot to inform the rest of the cast. The movie appeared to be just a jumble of film clips stitched together. My hope is that you will read this and spend your money elsewhere. I'm sure some people enjoy it, but it just missed the mark for me. Also don't expect to rent this movie and see Blake Lively(Accepted) or Robyn Lively(Savannah) in any screen time, they appear at the end of the movie in sort of a cameo role after everything of importance has happened. Funny that this movie was produced Lively production. Perhaps he saw the preview and thought,"this movie sucks, maybe I can get members of my family to be in this and save it! NO, NO, NO. And for those who are wondering, at the end the twins have our heroine Kate trapped in a basement and have apparently engaged in some intercourse with her because I assume they have had children,(TWINS!). Hope this helps, but if not I don't care because you've seen the movie against my suggestion, and I've got better movies to waste two hours of my life with like (Insert movie of choice here). No evil dead, No Friday the 13th, no Nightmare, just crap. However, it is only MY opinion.

Don't bother -- it's crap

[greboca · 1/10 · 12 June 2008]

I'm a devout Crispin Glover fan, and will always give a watch to anything he's in. From classics to genre oddities to mainstream pap, he's had a career that touches many points.... while the productions he's in might not all be winners, at least he can be counted-on for an entertaining (and often unique) performance.

Not so with SIMON SAYS. This movie is just dismal. Obviously shot on DV and starring a cast of poorly-played stereotypes, SIMON SAYS feels like a student-film... it tries hard at times, but just keeps failing. Story - non-existent Characters - generic and stiff Dialogue - embarrassing SFX - way wayyyy too much (unconvincing) CGI

I wanted to just stop the flick early and end my pain, but ultimately I was drawn to know what on earth Crispin Glover saw in this project. I mean, maybe he did it strictly for the money (and if this production *DID* ever have a budget, certainly most of it MUST have gone to his salary). I have to presume that's the only reason he signed-onto this pile of crap.

Avoid this one. It isn't fun, it isn't "so-bad-it's-good"... it's just a p!ss-poor piece of crap.

Holy s**t what a bad movie.

[tvalstar99 · 1/10 · 13 July 2007]

When I read the comments on this film and see the rating on IMDb I get to the conclusion that there are people who like this rubbish. Unbelievable I must say. If you are not a super fan of really bad bloody slasher movies, than don't see this movie.

Slither was a movie that was over the top and kinda stupid, but all with this tongue in cheek kind a way. Simon Say's is to straight forward simple to give me the same feeling. It's all about butchering people with pickaxes. It starts and it never ends. Dogs are being splattered and so on. It is gross, not funny because it is too simple. Killing people with pickaxes is not funny after 6 times. And that Crispin Glover dude. He seems to have a career in these movies, a cult figure so to speak. A guy who refuses a role in Back to the future II and sues Steven Spielberg is an extraordinary guy. But this is an extraordinary bad movie.

Simon Says this film gets an F

[peppersmacks · 1/10 · 27 September 2006]

You'd be hard-pressed to find any redeeming qualities in director Bill Dear's new film, "Simon Says". It's juvenile, cliché-ridden, and utterly lame.

Simon (Crispin Glover) owns a store in the middle of nowhere that sells nothing. He has an apparent affinity for pick-axes, with dozens adorning the walls of his shed/store. Whenever he comes across other humans, he sports his best retard voice and begins asking goofy questions. No matter the reply, he grins stupidly, mumbles "you forgot to say 'Simon says'", and then proceeds to kill everyone in the scene.

The characters take on the most banal forms of teen stereotyping. There's a stoner dude, a meat head jock, a prudish Asian, and two rank-and-file sluts. None of them contributes anything of significance to the story. The dialog is contrived and forced. The actors might as well be reading from cue-cards. Rent any porno and you're likely to find stronger performances.

One neat twist is that the laws of physics do not apply within a 1-mile radius of Simon's store. Axes have infinite momentum. Some people can jump and change direction in mid-air. Others can magically teleport into charred corpses.

Simon's many strange catapults, which he can reload at the speed of light, rain an impossible number of axes down on his victims. His single-ax launcher is extraordinarily precise, piercing the chest of a perfectly useless character from more than 100 yards away.

There is no actual plot. Just a bunch of sterile characters being killed in impossible ways by an aspiring loon.

There are attempts at humor. None work. By the end of the movie, I realized the joke was on me.

Grade: F Avoid at all costs.

The welcome return of the fun gore-fest! See it in a full theater for maximum effect!

[wes-115 · 6/10 · 26 September 2006]

EDIT: I just heard today (9/27/06) that Simon Says does not currently have a theatrical distributor. SAY IT ISN'T SO! It would be a travesty for this film to go straight-to-video, since it is best enjoyed in a theater environment with a large group of folks with whom to share the experience.

I saw this VERY FUN and gory movie last night at a preview screening at Austin's Fantastic Fest with a full auditorium of horror movie freaks. We had a GREAT time hooting and hollering at all the splattery fun.

Simon Says stars Crispin Glover as twins with a HEAVY Southern accent (think Sheriff J. W. Pepper in "Live And Let Die"). Crispin's performance, while creepy, unique, and striking - as is his wont - is flawed in the over-emphasis of his slack-jawed accent. But it does give his character some...ummm...character.

The plot is a slasher involving (among others) 5 college students who stumble across Glover's neck of the woods whilst seeking the typical river-side debauchery in the wilderness.

This is a funny movie. Usually intentionally so, sometimes not...however, the greatest thing about this movie is the kills. Nearly every kill involves the prodigious use of one, two, or even as much as twenty pick-axes. The most awesome one being the very first camper to get caught in the woods. We see her later on in a deliciously twisted reveal that had us absolutely ROARING! The entire auditorium busted a gut at how that one ended up. The rest were quite entertaining and creative as well.

So, check it out in the theater and have some fun with it.

Just another really bad, poorly put together slasher flick

[Robert_duder · 5/10 · 1 January 2012]

Sometimes you can follow a tried and true recipe and still fail. Simon Says is just all around badly slapped together with stereo typical, empty characters, un-unique kills, a terrible killer and all of this packaged to call out "Blake Lively" on the cover because she hit it big a year later. For the record Blake Lively is in this film a total of about 15 seconds and its in the last few minutes of the movie. The concept of twins (one who is dim witted) seems like it could be a good idea for a slasher film but Crispin Glover who tries to pride himself on being obscure and unique usually just comes across as egotistical and annoying and that shines through in Simon Says. If his character had been better written he could have maybe done something significant with it. The rest of the cast, the older than teenage fodder for the killer are terrible. They add nothing to the story or the cast. Director and writer William Dear is not a newcomer to the industry. He's been directing films for over two decades and I think someone just gave him a few dollars to do his own thing but it just feels so slapped together. Every once in awhile, if you're a big horror fan like me, you will get drawn into the story briefly, or enjoy a really gory kill but then the poor cast and story and pace will drag it all back down. Unless you're just a huge slasher fan you might as well skip this one. 5/10

It's Raining Pickaxes, Hallellujah!

[Coventry · 8/10 · 9 April 2007]

Ah finally, here's another absurdly grotesque and over-the-top cheesy gorefest-slasher that could have come straight out of the 1980's, with its demented killer, stereotype characters and downright insane story lines! Many avid fans agree Crispin Glover is a genuine hero of the horror genre, and he obviously experienced the time of his life starring in this unspeakably nasty homage to bad B-movies & backwoods exploitation horror. Me says: Simon Rocks... and so does his equally sick-in-the-head brother Stanley. Glover stars in a double role as the redneck twin brothers Simon & Stanley, terrorizing a van full of empty-headed teenagers on their camping trip in the woods. Whilst enjoying random sex and soft-drugs, drooling Simon sneaks up on the teenagers and kills them – as well as some other unfortunate bystanders –in some of the most ingenious ways you'll ever see! Simon is particularly creative with pickaxes, as he developed several wonderful traps and ambushes all over the woods that mercilessly catapult the rusty weapons in the direction of the victims. Needless to say Simon's macabre games result in a gigantic blood bath, with gory impalement, decapitations and dismemberment. Of course, there absolutely isn't any tension or plot-development and the only story twist that is worth mentioning can easily be guessed long before it's revealed on screen. Crispin Glover (unintentionally?) finds a perfect balance between creepiness and humor. Although constantly exaggerating in performing his odd roles, he somehow occasionally manages to look creepy & menacing nonetheless. Perhaps that's just because he is Crispin Glover and always has this aura of morbidity surrounding him. One moment he's an ultra-creepy maniac who makes eyeless puppets out of his victims, yet the next he's a sneering lunatic who crushes little fluffy dogs with his feet and yells out silly lines like "You forgot to say Simon Says!!". The camping teenagers are your average routine and colorless lambs to the slaughter, including the pot-head, the muscled macho, the bimbo (who's likely to get topless at some point in the movie), the girl who always complains and the one remotely intelligent & likable chick who will presumably survive the massacre. Textbook slasher-fodder, but I couldn't possibly care less because "Simon Says" is a highly welcome return to the outlandish splatter fun of the 80's. Even the whole clichéd "family reunion" sequence near the end of the film immediately reminded me off several titles on my endless list of 80's favorites. I personally guarantee "Simon Says" is the ideal midnight-movie crowd pleaser, terrific entertainment to watch with a bunch of buddies.

Strong performance by Crispin Glover .... just being himself ......

[merklekranz · 6/10 · 21 December 2009]

Crispin Glover has the off kilter persona to pull off crazed killer twins, and does so with glee in "Simon Says". Without Crispin's deranged, over the top performance, this movie sinks in the sea of similar slasher flicks. Five stereotypical teens are hunted and dispatched with a nice assortment of clever overkill implements. The film wallows in it's outrageousness, and that is a good thing. Relentless in his pursuit, Crispin rises to the occasion. There are short sequences of very dark humor, one involving an annoying little dog, who tries to "lend a hand". For what it's supposed to be, "Simon Says" delivers the goods. Recommended of it's type. - MERK

One time watch!

[amgee-89551 · 3/10 · 28 January 2020]

I remember watching this film years ago. It was hilarious bad then and it's still just as bad after rewatching it again. It had some good Kills! The acting was cheesy as hell. 3/10

bad, bad movie

[Luxxi · 2/10 · 23 April 2008]

When I saw all these positive comments and talk about different movie I was expecting something similar to what Scream did for slasher genre or something like it. Boy was I disappointed.

Granted movie does have and interesting and unconventional opening but then it falls for every horror cliché around. Location, obviously. Middle of nowhere, woods. Characters are your typical group of teenagers. We don't know why they choose to camp there, we don't know who they are or practically anything about it. And you have your typical tight girl, your "friendly" girl, stoner/funny guy and so on. And of course the typical "I know there is something weird going on around here but instead of turning around and running away I'll keep poking around so I'll find bodies and body parts." While first such case is somewhat understandable the second one is beyond dumb.

Then we have death scenes. Not that gory but between dumb and impossible. When you think about them a bit you realize this is just not possible.

The ending is interesting, I'll give them that but one good moment simply can't fix overall bad impression this movie makes.

Avoid if possible

What The Hell Did I Just Watch?

[HorrorInsideUsAll · 1/10 · 12 January 2013]

I just got done watching this movie On Demand and my review can honestly be summed up in one word - crap.

I wasn't sure what to think of Simon Says at first. I really thought I was going to like it, but I couldn't have been more wrong about myself and this so-called Horror flick. I've seen my share of 'B' movies, but this one was the epitome of one and it stereotyped Horror (80's Horror at that) almost to a tee - the stoner, the promiscuous chick, the nerd and the couple.

There is not one positive thing I can say about Simon Says, other than thank God for On Demand, so I don't have to worry about having a cheesy DVD collection of Horror movies.

Is this supposed to be a comedy??

[dschmeding · 4/10 · 23 August 2008]

First of all I saw this movie dubbed in German and German dubs of horror movies most of the time are ridiculous. In this case it somehow fit the plot and the characters. You get you basic horror movie setting... a bunch of teenagers go out to camp in the woods (Good one: "You know a romantic place at the river? Something dark and creepy where serial killers walk around?"). After the characters are introduced... funny stoner guy, hunky football guy, horny annoying chick, naive chick and the smart chick that is supposed to save the day... they stop for fuel and meet Sicko Stanley played by Crispin Glover. Crispin plays the two brothers Stanley and Simon who are the same person after all because Stanley turns out to be schizophrenic and playing the role of his dead brother Simon (whom he obviously killed like everyone else). So when they get to the camping site the usual serial killer story unfolds. That is packed with as many clichés as the opening of the movie. Girls fall down when fleeing the killer, stoner guy walks into a freezer with corpses, hunk guy gets mixed up between two girls and Stanley walks around, killing people with his crazy pickaxe catapult, stomping dogs, stabbing people, building funny dwarfs out of corpses and having a relaxing dinner with his dead rotting parents. A lot of this stuff is absolutely ridiculous, Stanley seems to have supernatural powers when pinning people to trees with pickaxes and making a human shishkebab. Some party made me laugh and reminded me of the Freddy Krueger Horror-Fun like when stoner guy is killed with a giant spliff and then set aflame. Anyway, the acting of all involved is pretty medium and the movie is not horrifying at all, although there really is some gory stuff in there. To me it came across like an extremely clichéd horror comedy that in many scenes made no sense at all (for example the dead horse woman pointing somewhere) and was stolen from loads of movies you know anyway.

Bizarre Backwoods Slasher

[Rathko · 5/10 · 3 March 2010]

A thoroughly bizarre horror movie in which a deranged Crispin Glover (is there any other kind) boobytraps a stretch of woodland with 1001 flying pickaxes and waits for a bunch of irritating teens to stumble onto the scene. I've never really understood the logic of populating a movie with completely unlikeable characters. It makes for pretty tedious viewing when the only reason for watching is not the hope that the characters survive, but that they will die sooner, rather than later. And the teens here, played by the usual bunch of pretty twenty-somethings, are some of the most irritating in horror history. Luckily, 'Simon Says' benefits from the presence of Crispin Glover, who is hilarious camping it up with a bizarre high-pitched accent that seems like a cross between English aristocracy and Louisiana Creole. He's clearly acting in a completely different movie that exists only in his own head and thank God for it. The kills are pretty creative and grizzly with a lot of messy dismemberment, but veteran writer/director Bill Dear has little interest in originality or developing any suspense or real fear. For fans of Glover's unique style, this is an often very funny must-see movie. For everybody else it's a pretty average teen slasher.

I missed Scooby-Do in this one!

[donbuckIII · 4/10 · 8 July 2010]

I like to call this Scooby-Do Meets The OC "The Case of the Spooky Twins". In the Mystery Machine, Shaggy(Zack), Fred(Riff), Velma (Ashley) Daphne(Vicky) and Lonnie(Fred's Groupie), are fishing for gold in an abandoned, um Ghosttown. They soon meet the Gravediggers who tell them of the dangers of the place they are about to visit! Some people get offed in some mildly inventive ways (and even Scrappy-Do get's in on the action, poor pup) We even meet some characters that we weren't even introduced to that help fight the Ghost but... I won't spoil it but You may see this episode play over and over again! I like Crispin Glove from Back to the Future to his really off the wall things. His portrayal as twins is not far fetched seeing as how he had always seemed to have dual personalities. The supporting cast including the whole Liveley Family (love Red Head Robyn) are mildly entertaining but background to this plot. It could have been Freddy or Jason, But the pick axes set them aside and would have love to have seen this in a 3D style!

Simon Says, hand up for an OK movie.

[ansell-72879 · 7/10 · 28 June 2021]

Let's start by saying that Crispin Glover, star of Simon Says, is the real deal. He is a very accomplished actor with any number of successful cinematic notches to his credit. Then there is Simon Says.

I'm not especially taken with slasher films. They generally opt for the easy way out, cheap shocks instead of hard-earned scares. Even the good ones. Is Simon Says a good one? Well, to be fair is a long way from being the worst.

The plot is predictable. A group of 5 young adults go gold panning in the woods and run into deranged and hostile locals. Breasts and sex are mandatory. Despite the lack of plot originality there are occasions of humour that are actually funny.

Plot is pretty dispensable in this type of film. It's not what happens in terms of narrative but rather how creative the deaths can be that matters. A CD ejecting from a corpses mouth to appropriate sound effects is fairly creative I suppose.

William Dear who directed and wrote Simon Says seems to be paying homage to 80s slashers and in this he pretty much succeeds. If you liked The Forest or Cheerleader Camp you will like this. The killing and dismemberment start at only about 18 minutes in!

A lot of relevant history is covered during the credits so don't skip them. The foundational premise is that twins are intrinsically evil. When you start looking there is enough of this type of movie to constitute a genre e.g. Seconds Apart, Sisters and Goodnight Mummy. There is a fair dollop of Hillbilly Horror thrown in as well. (The less said about accents the better.)

Production values are surprisingly good.

Unlike other horror films which occupy this stratum of the horror mine, Simon Says seems to have actually employed a camera rather than a phone in the production process. Many shots are well framed and staged, the pacing is quick, I mentioned the first death at about 18 minutes, but not to the point of creating incoherence.

Given the genre and context the acting is creditable except perhaps the over-the-top Crispin Glover but he brings his own charm to his extravagant portrayal. Kelly Vitz as Ashley is probably the weak link in the acting chops department. She gets disposed of fairly quickly.

The film ends with another group of young adults turning up at the site. I am unaware of a sequel but clearly the cycle starts over again. The 80s slasher is destined to never die, to reappear over, and over again, irrespective of the decade.

If slashers are your particular peccadillo, you will find Simon Says' 87 minutes well spent.

Simon says Don't watch this one!

[devanlilly · 4/10 · 18 January 2013]

Pros

The movie "Simon says" has decent lighting and almost a solid start point. The cameras are decent and for the most part I knew what was going on.

Cons

The movies choice to start with a flash back revealed to much. We already knew one of the brothers were dead so the twist that he was both Simon and staidly was unusable. Also Simon was sprayed with pepper spray by one of the campers I didn't like the fact that it didn't really show at all that his eyes were hurting. The ghost at the beginning also at the end really was purposeless cause it only points at the building. Can that much people really go missing without anyone knowing where they are I don't think so its not really based in reality. Lastly the ending sucked After having been sprayed in the eyes with pepper spray axed to the shoulder and head this human person (Standly)gets up really quick and over powers a girl who has yet been injured and armed with a pic axe.

BA_Harrison Says 'I enjoyed Simon Says'.

[BA_Harrison · 8/10 · 8 July 2011]

'As gory as it is irreverent' boasts the blurb on the back of the DVD for Simon Says; 'bloody and demented' claims the quote on the front; 'Phooey' says I, noticing the 15-rating awarded by the BBFC. But as it happens, it turns out that I am wrong (and once again that the BBFC are inconsistent): this film is every bit as gruesome and deranged as the cover says it is. And then some.

On the face of it, Simon Says might sound like standard, teen-friendly slasher fare—a bunch of good-looking college kids (three blokes, three babes) go camping in the woods where they are hunted by a murderous psycho with a large collection of very sharp implements—but it actually proves to be a truly one-of-a-kind experience, a seriously insane effort boasting an unexpectedly off-the-wall style, inventive graphic violence, and an unrestrained central performance from Crispin Glover that can only be described as 'unique'.

With writer/director William Dear taking such an unusual approach, and it's eccentric star acting even stranger than normal, it's understandable that many might not find this film to their taste; but if, like me, you enjoy your horror erratic and decidedly twisted, then Simon Says, with its flying pick-axe, poodle stomping splatter, should prove a satisfying watch.

7.5 out of 10, happily rounded up to 8 for a very daft but extremely entertaining showdown that sees the heroine opt for a rather unlikely hiding place.

"I'm not going to let Simon hurt ya... why should he have all the fun?" Depends on your expectations.

[poolandrews · 7/10 · 5 November 2007]

Simon Says starts as couple Kate (Margo Harshman) & Riff (Artie Baxter) along with their friends Vicky (Carrie Finklea), Ashley (Kelly Vitz) & Zack (Greg Cipes) are headed towards the open forest wilderness for a weekend away from the stresses & strains of normal city life in their camper van. They stop off at a small town to ask for directions, they meet the retarded Simon (Crsipin Glover) & his cruel twin brother Stanley (Crispin Glover as well) but end up have a little altercation. The teenage friends load up & set off, they find a suitably isolated camp site & prepare for the fun ahead of them. However the trip soon turns into a nightmare as the ever so slightly deranged duo of Simon &/or Stanley begin to brutally murder them one-by-one...

Written & directed by William Dear I think this was intended as a throwback to the slasher films of the 70's & 80's, I am sort of in two minds about it to be honest. The script takes a little while to get going but doesn't seem to take itself too seriously & models itself on your typical Friday the 13th (1980) rip-off with a bunch of teens running around the woods being sliced & diced by some maniacal killer, in that respect it's predictable & unoriginal but I sort of felt the makers knew this & just decided to have a bit of fun with the genre & the clichés rather than try to change a tried, tested & popular formula. I mean if it ain't broke don't fix it, right? I must admit I'm a big fan of exploitative, gory mindless slasher flicks if they are done right & I have to say for the most part I throughly enjoyed Simon Says. However, the slasher flick is an extremely limited & crowed sub genre that has little scope for imagination & a fairly rigid plot structure which filmmakers can't do a lot with, I mean one slasher film is pretty much exactly the same as the next with some bland victims gathered together usually in some isolated location purely to be killed off. That's the main problem with Simon Says really, it's nothing new or original & if you don't like slasher films then Simon Says will do nothing to help change your opinion but if you do like a good slasher then in my opinion Simon Says is certainly one of the better efforts I've seen from recent times but when you compare it to crap like The Legend of Bloody Jack (2007) that isn't saying that much. The character's are OK, the dialogue is decent & the killer is suitably crazy although I don't understand who the woman on horseback was as it's never explained. Keep watching as the end credits roll as after they finish there is a few more seconds which answers a question or two you may have.

Director Dear does a fine job & Simon Says is much better looking than most recent shot on a camcorder type horror flicks that litter video shelves & turn up on obscure cable TV channels. There is also a very pleasing amount of gore although it takes about 35 minutes to kick in, lots of people are impaled on pick-axes, there's plenty of blood, severed limbs, mangled bodies, hangings, a fish is gutted, fingers are chopped off with a huge meat cleaver, there are burnt corpses & a cool scene where two paint-ballers are literally sliced to pieces by a huge spinning cylinder of spikes. My hat also goes off to the filmmakers for putting a scene in which show's the 'cute' little white poodle dog being stamped on & literally exploding! The special effects are very good with plenty of on set gore effects & fake blood rather than awful CGI computer effects which are thankfully kept to a minimum. Simon/Stanley also has a catapult type machine which fires pick-axes everywhere, I was thinking I wish I had one as I'd soon sort my a-hole neighbours out then! Having said that I bet it costs them a fortune in pick-axes...

With a supposed budget of about $3,000,000 this is really well made by what looks like professionals, the cinematography is nice & mercifully the makers decided to keep the annoying MTV type effects down so no shaky hand held crap! Simon Says actually looks rather nice, it has a few stylish scenes & is well made, it's surprising & nice to actually see a very recently made independent horror flick with good production values. The acting is alright if not spectacular but why are so many of the cast related? Robyn Lively is the son of Ernie Lively while Lori & Blake Lively are his daughter's, Max & Michael Moody are brother's, Adam, Bart & Brad Johnson are all brother's as well & I wouldn't be surprised if Leila Johnson is also related to them & Chad & Chris Cunningham are brother's.

Simon Says is a fun little well made slasher flick with some nice gore, it takes a while to get started but overall I rather enjoyed it. It passed 90 odd minutes harmlessly enough for me. If you don't like slasher flicks then avoid it like the plague but if you do like them then this is certainly one of the better ones I've seen from recent years.

Watchable once you get past the intro's...

[MetalGeek · 5/10 · 30 August 2009]

The wife and I decided to rent "Simon Says" based on its particularly nasty looking trailer and the fact that we saw Crispin Glover's name above the title, prompting me to joke "Cool, George McFly as a slasher!" We knew nothing about the film prior to stumbling across it on our cable's On Demand, and thus settled in for what looked like some goofy slasher doin's.

I must admit, the first twenty minutes or so of "Simon Says" were pure torture. Lord knows I've seen my share of slasher films over the years, and obviously so have the makers of this film because the first quarter of the movie sticks so closely to the "rules" of slasherdom that it almost becomes a parody. When five teens (each representing a time honored Slasher Cannon Fodder Sterotype, of course -- i.e. The Brainy Chick, the Slutty Chick, the Jock Guy, the Stoner Guy, and the Yuppie Chick) pull off the beaten path to do some camping in a near-deserted small town, it takes them no time at all to get on the bad side of local hillbilly store proprietor "Stanley" and his retarded brother "Simon" (both played by Glover), so I was already thinking "Oh man, this movie is gonna suck." The characters were cardboard cut-outs, the dialogue was howlingly bad, and the foreshadowing (of what is supposed to be a big 'shock twist' at the end, which I will not reveal here but I'm sure everyone will see coming from a mile away) was so telegraphed that I almost considered switching the movie off. I'm glad I stuck with it though, because once the 'action' finally starts in "Simon Says," gorehounds will be in for one helluva nasty, gooey, blood-covered treat. Seems Stanley/Simon is quite handy with pickaxes and has booby-trapped the woods with some very original contraptions that hurl blades, gears, and other implements of death at our teenage heroes (as well as a few other bystanders who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time) with lethal, often hilariously gory accuracy. It wasn't long before I was cackling as our teenaged idiot heroes were running aimlessly through the woods, being chewed to bloody stumps while Crispin Glover chewed on the scenery for all it's worth. The guy's always BEEN weird, and this movie gives him the opportunity to just go completely off the wall. He looks like he had a hell of a lot of fun in this dual role.

By the tail end of "Simon Says" we even get a "dinner with the family scene" (when Stanley takes the lone surviving girl to meet "Maw and Paw" who are of course rotting corpses sitting around a table), providing another nod to many '70s and '80s exploitation/splatter movies and adding yet another level of sick weirdness to what was already a pretty sick movie. By the time this one ended my wife and I could only look at each other and laugh, and we've been making "You forgot to say Simon Says!" jokes for a couple of days now.

"Simon Says" is not a GREAT movie by any means but it's certainly worth a look if you haven't been getting your recommended daily allowance of carnage at the video store. It starts out pretty average but suddenly and without warning becomes its own weird and unpredictably hilarious beast.

You have to say "Simon Says."

[lastliberal · 5/10 · 26 June 2010]

I am not expecting any surprises here. A group of young and beautiful people, and one real drag (Kelly Vitz), go out into the woods. Now, what do you think is going to be waiting for them?

Maybe there will be an interesting twist or two, especially since Simon, our slasher, has a real fascinating booby traps in th woods. The kind that really make a mess of the victims. And, boy, does he have a way with pickaxes!

Simon is played by Crispin Glover (The Wizard of Gore remake). He is creepy in both roles - Simon & Stanley.

Kate (Margo Harshman) makes a little mistake at the end, but it'll all work out. Simon says.

Not too bad for a B movie

[fourfloorsbelow · 5/10 · 7 January 2008]

This is your typical film where a group of cocky teenagers go out camping in the woods, to be killed off one by one by two retard twins (i think they're either twins, or one guy with split personalities).

Throughout the film there is no real plot, except for the teenagers being killed, in gory fashion. (I must say, for a low budget, effects weren't too bad. Some of the deaths were totally ridiculous, but not as stupid as the final destination films).

Towards the end there was a scene where the last girl of the group was trying to trick the bad guy "Simon/Stanley", and there was some reasonable acting and dialogue. She eventually tricks him and puts a butchers knife in his head. We all think he's dead, then suddenly his body disappears. A hand (his)then appears on her face.

The film then ends with him working at a garage station where he leads a new group of teens into the woods and almost certain death. The final scene sees him open his basement door to see the girl who we thought had killed him, and she has twins (obviously fathered by him).

END MOVIE.

I rate this film 5 out of 10, meaning "OK", "Reasonably good effort" etc...Usually I think B movies are poor, and even though most "proper" film critics would rate this as crap, i think it is deserved of some credit. The leading bad guy and the last surviving girl acted quite well, some of the deaths are reasonable. Effects were good considering price, they didn't make it too obvious that the budget was tight.

In conclusion, this film is a good effort for a B movie, worth a watch. Don't get your hopes up and you won't be disappointed. If you expect nothing of this film you may end up pleasantly surprised.