"The events, characters, and firms depicted in this photoplay are fictitious. Really. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental, and very weird. We suggest moving, and/or staying away from labs run by psychos."
"No hideous monsters were hurt during the production of this screenplay."
"Why are you still reading this? Go back to the video store and rent another Asylum film. You know you want to."