Samoan Wedding (2006)

Heto Ah Hi: Stanley

Quotes 

• Sefa : Let's go. Drive like the wind Bolo!

  Bolo : My name is Paul.

  Sefa : Bolo.

  Albert : Bolo.

  Michael : Bolo.

  Stanley : Bolo.

  Sefa , Albert , Michael , Stanley : PAUL!

• Aaliyah : Tyrique?

  Stanley : Aaliyah?

  Aaliyah : On Party Chat you said you were 6'6!

  Stanley : You said you were size 14!

  Aaliyah : I am!

  Stanley : Your feet, maybe.

• Stanley : Will there be any honies there? I'm sick of sleeping with girls as big as Savai'i.

  Tania : You slept with that Sasquatch?

  Stanley : Yeah, she showed up. It would've been rude not to.

• Sefa : What are these?

  Stanley : Pants!

  Sefa : Who's wearing them?

  Stanley : You are!

  Sefa : Correct!

  Leilani : And who washes the skid marks out of them?

• Stanley : [to Albert]  What about Tanya? Tanya, who you work with?

  Michael : I thought she's seeing someone else.

  Albert : She hangs out with Derek.

  Stanley : She thinks he's a dick.

  Michael : So how come she's going out with him?

  Stanley : She's not going out with him.

  Michael : That's not what she said when I asked her to go to the wedding with me.

  Albert : Michael, you asked Tanya? Are there any girls I like that you haven't asked out?

  Stanley : So you DO like her.

  Albert : So? She hangs out with dickwick Derek and his homeboys, he's obviously the "someone else"!

  Stanley : Or, she hangs out with Derek because she's lonely, cause the dickwick she likes doesn't know she exists.

  Michael : How do you know all this?

  Stanley : I'm not just a pair of fancy shoes, you know.

• Albert : [Out drinking with Princess and the Duckrockers]  I feel less than ideal...

  [throwing up in the restroom] 

  Albert : ... Do I still look cool...?

  Stanley : Yeah... you hardly look wasted bro'.

• [the guys propose to the Pastor to bring girls to the wedding] 

  Albert : It's so we're different people when these girls around. Even Sefa behaves when Leilani is with him, that's why he never takes her anywhere. Sione's like a little brother to us.

  Michael : Especially me, sir.

  Stanley : They're related.

  Albert : And this is the last wedding we'd want to ruin.

  Michael : Right, Sione?

  [Sione shrugs] 

  Minister : Not just dates, not some girl foolish enough to say yes to a night out and free food. You must bring girlfriends.

  Albert : Girlfriends?

  Stanley : But Your Majesty, Albert hasn't had a girlfriend in 30 years!

  Albert : Good one, Stanley.

  Minister : Someone to whom you've made a commitment.

  Michael : Commitment?

  Minister : Commitment? Girlfriend? Other words you don't understand, huh?... You must find someone who sees the good in you. Bring her to my church on the day of Sione's wedding. Turn up alone, and Eugene will be more than happy to toss you into the street!

• Albert : She smiled at me. She likes me.

  Stanley : How can you tell? By the flirtatious way she's ignoring you?

• Michael : What's happened to you, Sione?

  Sione : I fell in love, you dick! Man, I love Leonie more than I love anthing in the world and if any of you dickheads wreck our wedding that's it, we're done!

  Stanley : Guess you don't love her that much then.

• [Stanley's drinking alone and a waitress takes away the spent dishes] 

  Waitress : Hey ummm if you want more corn beef, there's heaps out the back. Cheer up. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

  Stanley : ...Latifah?