Ira & Abby (2006)

Chris Messina: Ira Black

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Quotes 

• Arlene Black : [Of her 33-year marriage]  You two need to know the truth. It's no picnic!

  Abby Willoughby : Were you in love in the beginning?

  Arlene Black : [simultaneously]  No.

  Seymour Black : [simultaneously]  Not so much.

  Ira Black : [unnerved]  I thought you were madly in love.

  Arlene Black : That's what we told you when you were younger. It was a good story, it made you happy.

  Ira Black : You were never in love? That's... that's depressing!

  Seymour Black : That's why we didn't tell you.

  Arlene Black : You learn to love. You *learn* to love, because you're *stuck* with each other.

  Seymour Black : Well, not stuck. Um - *hinged*. Hinged! You're hinged together, so that you can still move a little, but at the end of the day, you're always together, through good and bad.

  Abby Willoughby : Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's *very* bad.

  Seymour Black : Hasn't been so bad, Arl.

  Arlene Black : It's been bad, Sy. Trust me, Abby.

• Arlene Black : Marriage is not something to be taken lightly.

  Abby Willoughby : I don't take it lightly, I just have a really good feeling about this.

  Arlene Black : Ugh, sweetheart, it isn't about feelings. Marriage is a contract.

  Abby Willoughby : It isn't about feelings?

  Ira Black : Marriage isn't about feelings?

  Arlene Black : No, it is, of course it is.

  Seymour Black : Yeah, it's about feeling terrible and criticized.

  Arlene Black : [coldly]  Sy, don't start.

• Abby Willoughby : Do you have pets?

  Ira Black : Oh, no. No. No, I - I have a fear of perishables. You know - pets, dairy products, produce. Anything that dies, I don't intend to, uh - not for me.

• Ira Black : [on their first session of marriage counseling]  I can't believe you won therapy!

• Ira Black : Honey, you make friends with *everyone*. With muggers, and killers, and strangers on the street. You'd make friends with Hitler if he came in for a tour.