Beerfest (2006)
Kevin Heffernan: Landfill, Gil, Sausage Lady
Photos
Quotes
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Barry Badrinath : It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ...
Landfill : [Interrupting] What's a ZJ?
Barry Badrinath : If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
Steve "Fink" Finklestein : I've got $4.
[Landfill puts Fink's hand down and mouths, "No, thank you."]
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Jan Wolfhouse : So yeah, I heard you got fired from the brewery?
Landfill : [Landfill gets mad, throws his trophy] God damn brewery! You know that brewery makes 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 of them, and I'm the asshole!
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Steve "Fink" Finklestein : You know, I got an idea. I think it might work. I did this study in college: Finklestein's Theory on the Effects of Alcohol on the Medial Temporal Lobe.
Gil : English!
Steve "Fink" Finklestein : Drunken recall. I made people drink massive quantities of alcohol, and then I taught them things while they were blacked out. Now, in the morning, they had no recollection of it whatsoever. But when I got them drunk again, they remembered everything.
Barry Badrinath : [pretends to cough] Bullshit!
Steve "Fink" Finklestein : Oh, now you're coming after me? This is great. I got a cowboy on one side, an Indian on the other. It's like the Wild West, all right? I got it published.
Barry Badrinath : Where?
Steve "Fink" Finklestein : Maxim magazine, under the title "E Equals MC Hammered".
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Barry Badrinath : [after drinking Ram's piss] Oh man, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever drank.
Landfill : I doubt that very much, playboy
Steve "Fink" Finklestein : I'm gonna puke! Hey guys... I don't think sitting on a rooftop drinking ram's piss is the way to go. We should get out there, and mix it up with some randoms.
Barry Badrinath : Yeah.
Landfill : Let's get bombed!
[everyone cheers]
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Gil : Let's get sour on some Krauts!
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Landfill : If he had it, why didn't he brew it?
Steve "Fink" Finklestein : Hebrew?
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Landfill : Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath?
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Steve "Fink" Finklestein : I'll show you how to chug a beer, motherfucker, you fat fuckin' cow. L'Chaim!
[proceeds to drink a half-empty pitcher]
Landfill : Uh oh! I think somebody's trying to chug in my face!
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Steve "Fink" Finklestein : Come on, guys. I'm a respected member of the scientific community. I've been published in four journals.
Landfill : Which one? Toad Load Weekly?
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Landfill : Real funny, Deutsch bag.
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Gil : Looks like we got the Brits in round 1. We already kicked their asses in WWII. Cheer-i-o, let's do it again!
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Landfill : [mocking Fink with Popo] It's fwustwating, it's fwustwating.
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Otto : Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you right now... in cash.
[opens suitcase of euros]
Jan Wolfhouse : Big deal. A suitcase full of monopoly money.
Schlemmer : Come on, those are euros.
Landfill : What's that, like pesos?
Otto : That is legal European tender!
Rolf : I told you we should have brought Deutsch marks.
Gunter : But they are so hard to find!
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Todd Wolfhouse : Jim Tobleson said they called in a hostage negotiator
Landfill : Jim Tobleson's a fucking Chatty Cathy! I did my three years up at the county pen. Made some friends, went Muslim. Now I'm out, praise Allah.
