The Thirst (I) (2006) User Reviews

An instant cult classic!

[filmfreak17 · 5/10 · 8 May 2007]

I love all genres, but horror films have a special place in my darkened heart. I don't know why Starz didn't release this film in theaters, they should have. So many horror movies on the big screen haven't come close to the entertainment factor that THE THIRST provides.

Let me start by saying that anyone who rents or buys this movie expecting a deep thoughtful drama will surly be disappointed. You have to know what you're getting into and appreciate the film for what it is. THE THIRST is a 70's grind-house throwback with over-the-top gore and crazy characters that are much larger than life. Jeremy Sisto as Darius is the perfect example. The is not "Six Feet Under" nor should it be and his performance completely encapsulates the mood that this film is meant to express.

While many of the reviews I have read complain that the plot is thin, I amply disagree. This is a low budget horror movie people! The plot is great... a girl dying from cancer decides to save her life by becoming a vampire. Her boyfriend follows and they discover that "the cure is worse than the disease". Very simple, perfect for the genre. Too much more and we wouldn't be able to get to the fun stuff, which is what this movie is all about!

Clare Kramer is sexy from her first moment on screen. Her acting is superb.

Jeremy Sisto never disappoints and although I wasn't sure what he was doing with his accent, I found him to be funny and scary all at the same time.

My favorite performance was relative newcomer Neil Jackson. He plays the role of Duke and while I wish he had more screen time, his moments were some of the best!

For those of us who like to see body parts ripped off and blood spurting everywhere, this film doesn't disappoint! And the large amount of nudity was much appreciated and didn't feel too forced.

I laughed a lot during this film and even felt scared a few times (could have been more scares for my taste).

Overall, if you like the genre, I think you will like this movie! If you are one of those people who complain about too little character development in a movie that is 75% blood and guts, get over yourself and go rent "Sideways". But if you want a fun, blood-drenched good time, get THE THIRST!

Awful. No, I mean it, REALLY awful.

[bill-30-127055 · 3/10 · 23 May 2011]

As an artist, I have a great deal of respect for the process of movie making. I realize that for some people involved, this hypothetical movie that I may be watching, even though it may not be to my tastes, may represent their life's work for some involved in the process. I can see how it is the work product of creative people, and I appreciate their efforts, even if not the end product. For this reason I almost never rate a movie lower than a "5".

Then we come to "The Thirst"...... This is a movie that, at the end, makes me want to stand and scream "I WANT MY 2 HOURS BACK!" For the first time (not that it should have been my first perhaps) I sat there as the credits rolled and thought to myself, "that person should be fired by the studio, and that person, and ....." It was brutal. The plot was weak, the camera work was really bad, and the acting was lousy too (in large part to the weak plot). Unless you are conduction a film study or in a class that requires you to see how bad a movie really can be, I would recommend you steer clear of this disaster.

Not my cup of blood...

[BloedEnMelk · 3/10 · 9 March 2011]

I have to admit that I watched The Thirst because I sort of stumbled up to it, and really like Jeremy Sisto. I think he's a great actor and highly charming. I love him when he gets all psycho, preferably in a realistic subtle but very dark way. Of course there is nothing realistic about vampires, but that doesn't really matter as a good vampire movie drags you in and makes you believe. Unfortunately, this movie just didn't do it for me.

Fair enough, the over-the-top sprays of blood were amusing and quite well done. The whole idea of a girl with cancer who's only way to 'survive' is to become a bloodsucking creature of the night, OK, I can deal with that too, as long as it is well worked out. But that is just the problem, the storyline was just too flat and much more could have been done with it. Then the dilemma of being a vampire but not wanting to kill, I have seen that all before but in a much better way. One of the finest American examples of such a movie is 'Interview with the Vampire', which goes far deeper into the suffering of the protagonist.

Overall, The Thirst had some fun moments but not enough to make me fall for it. Honestly, after about an hour I felt so bored that I even thought about just turning it off. For some people though it might be a good way to spend their evening, but not me. I consider it to be nothing more then a teenage film that bathes in blood. The acting was quite flat, the characters all far too shallow and at times really annoying, and even Jeremy Sisto couldn't lift it up. It's a pity to see such a charming actor in a far too shallow role.

My advice: If you are a teenager and like some over-the-top blood sprays and sexy bodies, and you want a popcorn night on the couch with some friends, then it might be the right movie for you. But if you like a real good vampire movie which goes much more in depth, watch for example 'Interview with the Vampire', 'Bakjwi' or 'Marebito'. The last one is one of the most intriguing vampire movies I have ever seen. And if you just want a lot of mindless fun with loads of blood, but all in a good and really attractive way, then 'From Dusk till Dawn' will definitely pleasure you a lot more then The Thirst.

Sorry to displease the fans, but I just can't give this one more then a 3,5 out of 10.

Most people won't like this

[ralf_nader · 2/10 · 10 December 2007]

This film had a fair amount of nudity in it (I have nothing against that :) ) and some very bizarre/bloody scenes. If you are rating this movie for plot, acting, special effects, etc, and overall entertainment value amongst mainstream movies, this film is a failure. If you are looking for weirdness, blood, and nudity (almost all female), then perhaps this movie is for you... but even from that perspective it isn't that great.

Plot: C-, Nothing new. There are not really any amazing twists to the story. It's vampires. Most people have seen a vampire movie or two, and this one is not overly unique in terms of plot.

Acting: D+, It's pretty terrible. I think the best acting performance is done by the main female character, and she was nothing that great. The main dude was a bad actor. He got better towards the end of the movie, but a 100% improvement wouldn't even be saying much. Most everyone else was bad. Some of the actors were even annoying. I am not sure if this was the role they were given or their acting skill.

Special effects: C-, The most prominent effect in this movie was obviously the blood. It seems like every 10 minutes it's a bloodbath. To say it looked fake gives a summary of the quality, but specifically, it looked like anytime someone was injured a pipe of red water just exploded and sprayed all over the place. Ridiculous. The other effects in the movie were pretty crappy too.

Character development: D+, There was clearly an attempt at this, as some characters do undergo radical change in this movie, and so one could argue that this movie aspect is better than what I'm indicating. I think the poor acting really killed it for me. A good movie conveys characters in such a way that you understand what they are all about, and you either identify with them or you have some strong opinion about them. In this movie, it's hard to really care.

*BEST aspect of this movie: The nudity, cause not much else was worthwhile.

*WORST aspect of this movie: You don't care about the characters. Their strangeness combined with the bad acting and some other factors prevent you from really identifying with or at least having a strong opinion of the characters.

*OVERALL: I really like vampire movies, and that's why I rented this one, but it was bad. It was annoying in many parts. The characters sucked. The effects were bad. Besides a few redeeming scenes and the aspect I marked as the best movie aspect, it had little to offer.

Disappointing.

[Movie-Man-Bob · 27 April 2008]

I'm something of a connoisseur of vampire movies. Even the bad ones are usually fun to watch. But this one... it just fell flat. Firstly, it's got nothing in it that we haven't already seen in a hundred other vampire movies. Second of all, I found it difficult to identify with or care about either of the main characters at all. They're not particularly interesting, despite several formulaic attempts to give them "depth." The only characters who are even remotely interesting or fun are the so-called "bad guys"--the vampires. Adam Baldwin, playing pretty much the same character he played in Firefly and Serenity; Neil Jackson, with whom I was previously unfamiliar, but marginally impressed; and Jeremy Sisto, who is clearly having a blast in this film, switching back and forth seemingly at random between a Russian accent and a Southern one (which was possibly the best part of the movie). Far from the first movie to have its villains be more engaging than its heroes, of course. But the problem is that the lives and histories of these characters--teeming with potential--are only just barely mentioned or hinted at. This movie could have scored at least another point or two with me if they had told it from the vampires' point of view, rather than the couple.

Fans of Buffy and Angel might want to give this movie a look, as it has no less than three former cast members: Clare Kramer, Adam Baldwin, and Tom Lenk (the other bright spot of the movie--he's hilarious). But anyone who doesn't recognize the names I just mentioned would do best to stay away.

Beyond Bad

[Scrugulus · 3/10 · 8 July 2012]

This film is really awful.

The acting is bad, ... the writing is bad, ... the directing is bad, ... even the cutting/editing is bad. And it does take a lot for a film to be so dismally bad that even as a layman you can literally witness each and every one of the bad editing decisions.

I like vampire films; and I do know that there are some films that can be good even though they are bad.

But this film here has absolutely no redeeming features.

It isn't trashy cult, ... it isn't unintentionally funny, ... nothing of the sort.

--> It is just plain bad.

At least this film seems to understand it's trash

[MBunge · 4/10 · 15 December 2010]

This movie is what we got after a group of marginally talented people sat around and decided that what the world needed more than anything else was a cheap, dumb and low brow knock off of the cult classic vampire flick "Near Dark". The Thirst is trash. But at least it appears to understand what it is and doesn't skimp on any of its trashy appeal.

Max and Lisa (Matt Keeslar and Claire Kramer) are two ex-junkies who fall in with a coven of dirty and degenerate vampires. Max takes to his new craving for blood like an addict falling off the wagon. Lisa, even though she's the one who rips out Max's throat to make him a bloodsucker and has no problem having a plasma-drenched threesome with the "mommy" and "daddy" of her vampire family, is fighting the urge to kill to satisfy her thirst. Max and Lisa try to kick the blood habit cold turkey and suffer through withdrawal, but eventually remember they have to stop their fellow vampires from slaughtering a bunch of kids at bible camp. That leads to a bunch of poorly staged fight scenes and the script forgetting what the term "undead" really means.

This isn't a good film. The best things you can say about it are that it puts a number of naked bosoms on display and has enough spurting blood to fill up an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Beyond that…

Matt Keeslar as Max give a performance like a manic-depressive infomercial host. Jeremy Sisto as head vampire Darius turns his role into an acting exercise, where he sees how many different accents he can use in the course of the film. I supposed Claire Kramer as Lisa is okay, but the rest of the cast is either flat as a board or chews up enough scenery to give themselves very serious intestinal blockages.

Director Jeremy Kasten demonstrates the sort of directing skill you can only find on your local public access channel. The nicest thing I can say about his work is that I hope he was going for a "so bad, it's good" vibe for most of the film. That's what I hope. What I believe is that he just sucks.

The soundtrack of The Thirst is aggressively horrible, particularly the first half hour of the movie where it seems like every 6 minutes a different yet equally awful song rises up during some poorly conceived montage. By the time it got to an insulting imitation of a Rob Zombie song, I had to fight the urge to turn off the DVD and scour out my ears with steel wool.

This script is so stupidly melodramatic and emotionally nonsensical that the combined IQ of the 5 people who wrote it couldn't be higher than 86. It just blindly cribs from other gory vampire films without any effort to bring even one new or interesting notion to the mix.

If all you want is boobs and blood, there's enough of both in this movie to leave you vaguely satisfied. You should really want more out of film than that, though.

Worst. Vamp Flick. Ever

[lexyladyjax · 1/10 · 8 July 2010]

The reviews claiming it was similar to The Hunger and Near Dark lured me into watching this disaster of a flick. There was nothing in this film that bore any similarity to The Hunger whatsoever.

The F/X were painful to watch and the performances caused even more discomfort. This wasn't just a horror movie, this was gorn, and bad gorn at that. The blood spurting wasn't even coming out in double spurts as it would when arteries are severed...

Jeremy Sisto's idea to use multiple accents to demonstrate the longevity of his character was just confusing. Rather than credibly establishing via the accent changes Darius had lived for hundreds of years it made me think he had multiple personality disorder.

Clare Kramer's performance seemed off, too. I've seen her portray a hellgod and believed her but I didn't believe her as someone who had a fatal illness. What kind of cancer causes one to vomit blood, requires chemotherapy and radiation, yet allows one to look hot? Neil Jackson (Duke of Earl) and Tom Lenk (Kronos) were the best performances in this stinker. It grieves me to write that because I'm a big fan of Adam Baldwin (Lenny). I don't buy Adam Baldwin as a Muslim, either. The accent is wrong.

I came willing to be charmed. I love vampires.

Unfortunately Clare Kramer, Jeremy Sisto, Adam Baldwin, and Tom Lenk with all their talents together can't save this Titanic disaster from plunging to the bottom of the ocean of blood used in this gornfest.

So save your time. Give this one a miss, especially if you like cats.

Don't be fooled by the rating, most people won't like this film.

[macgyvera · 1/10 · 28 April 2007]

I thought with the actors in it, and it's rating that it might be OK. I was wrong, here is what I though of it: Film Quality - Same quality as the Airwolf series (after they lost J.M.V.) Sound - Was OK, but you better keep the remote in your hand, so you can turn it up for the dialog scenes, and turn it down for the music scenes. Acting - The lead male sucked, the others I can't fault because the script sucked so bad. Special Effects - Not so special, unless blood really is that orange, and if all humans spray it from small skin injuries. Plot - What plot, it's certainly not what is listed for plot, because that scene was 15 seconds long. The whole movie is like a mix of a late-night Cinemax low budget movie, soft porn movie, and a Rob Zombie video. Wardrobe sucked (although the clothing seemed to magically shed the huge amount of blood that is was constantly being soaked with).

If I were a 15 year old Goth-obsessed boy or girl with a confused sense of sexual self, and thought about hurting myself or others, I might have liked this movie.

It's not the worst movie I've seen, but it's most certainly not a 6.7. Always remember to look at the total number of people who have voted for a movie, before trusting the rating.

MacGyver

Requiem For a Dream Meets Near Dark?

[gavin6942 · 7/10 · 6 May 2007]

A woman seemingly dies of cancer. But her boyfriend soon discovers her at a goth club where she has joined a cult of vampires led by Jeremy Sisto. Of course, the boyfriend joins the cult and then the fun begins...

I had my worries about this one. A low budget film, with "Starz" mentioned about eight times before the film even begins (okay, Starz, I get it... just chill out). And a vampire story, which is one of the more overdone horror branches exploited today. On top of this all, the case claims it's "Requiem For a Dream" meets "Near Dark" and we should always be aware these sorts of comparisons are never accurate (except with "The Hunt" -- see separate review).

In all fairness, this film did have some elements of "Requiem", though I wouldn't say it was quite on that level. And it was a really good movie once it got going. I particularly need to say the makeup and special effects crew did a wonderful job. The lead actress (Clare Kramer of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") transformed radiantly fro ma dumpy cancer patient to a glorious stunning vampire. And the blood! Oh my, the blood! This film sets a new standard on blood spray. Without being over the top like "Kill Bill", this film has more blood spray than you'll ever see in a movie. Maybe that's the only thing the special effects guy does, but he does it so well it hurts.

And I can't sell the cast short. Jeremy Sisto, as I say, is wonderful as always. He may have played Jesus Christ, but his best roles remain his Satanic horror roles. Clare Kramer was great, all of the supporting cast was great. I'd like to spotlight Tom Lenk (another "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" veteran), whose part was much too small in this film -- though he had enough time to make a gay reference about himself, which seems to be a running theme with Lenk.

Who picked out the soundtrack? Science bless that individual! A few Rasputina favorites (a remix of "State Fair" and "antique-high-heel-red-doll-shoes") and some other goth and industrial blends. I couldn't have down any better myself (the only man who does a better job with his soundtracks is director Gregg Araki). I now own the DVD, but would gladly purchase the soundtrack so I could listen to this film in my car and be reminded of the great dance club scenes and blood-spraying massacres.

Despite hundreds of vampire films flooding the market every year (okay, a slight exaggeration) this one is not derivative but actually offers a good story. What is more important? Love? Eternal life? Friendship? These issues are explored... that, and the whole idea of overcoming addiction (remember the "Requiem for a Dream" comparison). I highly recommend this film. Next to the other films I've watched recently ("The Hunt", "Heartstopper", "Dark Ride" and "The Odd Couple II"....) this is a panacea for my cinematic ills. Thank you, Starz!

Goremongral's Sucky Review: The Thirst

[ChiefGoreMongral · 4/10 · 6 June 2007]

It sucks when your girl is a recovering junkie. Its also not to good that shes went back to being a stripper. What sucks the most is she has terminal cancer and doesn't tell you. Thats just some of the luck our lead character is having in the vampire film "The Thirst".

This movie tells the tale of a guy who loses his girl to cancer only for her to be reborn as a vampire thanks to some last minute sucking by a female vampire who "admired" his girlfriends dancing. From there our lead boyfriend finds out about her resurrection and eventually he himself is turned. From there the movie plays out A lot like Near Dark as we meet "The Family" and watch as the main character is taken on a hunt to prove his worth. The bad thing is it does not reach anywhere near the caliber of film that Near Dark was and for a climax we get an ending similar to Return of the Living Dead 3.

There are some good things here, very attractive woman all over the place, geysers of blood and some decent moments here and there but the movie as a whole really tries to be a little too much of everything and not a straight forward horror or horror comedy. When movies cannot decide what they want to be that tends to get on my bad side as knowing it is to be one or the other you can get yourself in that mindset whereas with movies of this kind it really tends to make for an uneven ride.

In the end "The Thirst" is a marginal movie with good ideas at times and others seemingly taken from other movies of its like to make for a ho hum experience. Low expectations are the key to this one as I give The Thirst: 4/10: Below Average: Not utter garbage but definitely not anything you would want to watch more than once. Odd ball camera-work and some confusion by the writers/filmmakers on what path the movie wanted to tread make this one a cut below average.

Thats it for now Pygmies and remember there is a cure for cancer...its Vampirism!!

We want your blood!

[emotionlhavd · 8/10 · 26 October 2006]

I saw this movie at its European premiere at Sitges Film Festival. First though I had before the movie started, since I knew that it was a vampire film, was: "I hope that this movie is not a remake of the excellent "Thirst"". My second thought was: "I'm sure that it won't be as bloody as they promised". Lucky me, I was wrong with my two assumptions. The amazing prologue makes it clears that the only link with "Thirst" is that they both are great vampire films and that by the end of the movie I will be covered with blood. With "The thirst" I found a movie that played with my expectations as much as the filmmakers wanted and surprised me scene after scene. First we have this excellent and gory prologue, after that we are introduced to a couple of lovers that has real problems, the story change of pace (not rhythm) while explaining who they are and their previous problems with drugs. After that, a death in the family, and after that, enters Jeremy Sisto, and oh man, the movie doesn't give you any rest until the end. Without explaining the reasons, I'll only say that the couple becomes vampires and they join an eccentric family of bloodsuckers. Yeah, I know you're thinking about "Near dark", but wait until they go to hunt together for the first time (the way the put their victims together is also great, you'll see). In "The thirst", the newcomer is not guilty for killing humans; on the contrary he enjoys it and embraces his new power. And that massacre, you won't believe what you are seeing in the screen, it has all the blood that they promised and more! After that, the movie continues playing with your expectations in my favorite scene of the film

(spoilers!)

Darius (Sisto's character) wants to talk with Max because he thinks that Max is becoming too independent from the family, he starts to become more and more threatening until Max, the newcomer replies him and even scared him in a change of papers unexpected in this kind of movie. In fact I immediately said to a friend near to me: "Man, this is f***** great, it's a vampire version of Sergio Sollima's "Faccia a Faccia"".

(end of spoilers!)

I don't want to reveal more things about the movie but expect a few more surprises that the ones I mentioned. What it is not a surprise is that Jeremy Sisto owns the movie every time he appears on the screen, I don't know if he could be a start in the silent era but with that voice of his I'm sure that he will be a star of our times. The rest of the cast is excellent also, all of them great supporting actors with a large experience in horror movies. I also want to point your attention to the excellent Neil Jackson, when you first see him it reminds to you like a poor man's version of Paul Bettany but wait until the movie ends he is as good if not better than Bettany. I also want to emphasize the strongest point of that film: Jeremy Kastan's direction. From that spectacular prologue (illuminated almost completely in red) to the moving and fluid narrative (It's possible that 70-90 % of the film is shoot with steadicam), the fast editing and the overcharged primary colors (I love that) in the tradition of the Italian horror school. The only thing that I regret are some of the attacks shot at 15 frames per second or something like that, I don't like it very much, but it's only my opinion. By the way the cinematography by Raymond Stella is really great, if I'm not wrong he was the Panaglide operator of the legendary continuous take that opens "John Carpenter's Halloween". I hope that you could see this movie on a Friday the 13th or during Halloween because it's the perfect movie to see with a girl by your side or with your friends and beers.

Bloodaholics Anonymous...

[theNomadz · 7/10 · 29 May 2007]

Plot is about a terminal ill woman's last ditched attempt to keep alive, thanks to a late night visit from a vampiric nurse, only set back being she didn't tell her boyfriend her plans, so when he finds her months later dancing in a seedy nightclub after being supposedly dead, he gets roped into joining her new found vampire family. Then they decide to try kick the vampire urge by going cold turkey.

The "Requiem For A Dream Meets Near Dark" tagline for this was always going to be hard for it to live upto. And sadly though pretty obviously this doesn't come close to either.

But that said its a very entertaining horror film once it picks up, has bucket loads of blood, heaps of throw away laughs and enough twisted off the wall madness to keep even the most hard to please horror fan happy.

Great to see Fireflys Jayne aka Adam Baldwin turn up in a horror movie but even he's outdone by the thin white duke English vampire played by Neil Jackson (Duke is also in The Thirst (2006) by Tom Shell).

Director Jeremy Kasten is slowly but surely rising to the top tier of new American horror genre directors, hopefully this is a sign of things to come specially as his next feature is a remake of HG Lewis's Wizard Of Gore. One I'm sure horrorheads don't want to see messed up.

The Thirst gets a very respectful 7/10 from me, leaving me thirsty for more of the same.

Not very good.

[poolandrews · 4/10 · 3 August 2007]

The Thirst starts as exotic dancer Lisa (Clare Kramer) is taken to hospital after falling ill on stage, she has terminal cancer but hasn't told her boyfriend Maxx (Matt Keesler) although it's not long before he finds out & is slightly annoyed that she didn't tell him. Maxx is depressed, Lisa is depressed & things just aren't looking great. As a potential solution Lisa decides to commit suicide because, you know, that would cheer everyone up wouldn't it? Maxx is understandably upset, he & a couple of his buddies decide to pay a visit to an S&M club called Inferono where he thinks he sees Lisa. Going back the next night he manages to catch up with her & it is indeed Lisa, unfortunately she's now a bloodsucking Vampire who hangs around with other bloodsucking Vampires who kill people. Lisa manages to convince the head Vampire guy Darius (Jeremy Sisto) to spare Maxx & let him become one of them which he does, however being a bloodsucking Vampire isn't as fun as it sounds...

Co-written & directed by Jeremy Kasten this Vampire flick has a fair amount of blood & gore but little else by which to recommend it. The script by Kasten, Ben Lustig, Liz Maccie, Wayne Mahon & Mark A. Altman (it took five people to write this?!?!) is more or less a Near Dark (1987) rip-off although while Near Dark had great character's, acting & writing The Thirst clearly & most definitely doesn't. The plot feels pretty bad & unoriginal, it's not any fun to watch apart from some over-the-top gore scenes & it neither interested me or drew me in to the action. The character's are poor as is the dialogue & there's nothing here we haven't seen dozens of times before. It moves along at a nice enough pace & isn't overly boring but there was just something about it, something dull which meant I just couldn't get into the story or action. I certainly didn't think it was anything special & I think by the end of the week I'd have completely forgotten about it.

Director Kasten does alright but I thought the film lacked energy or any sort of atmosphere & it certainly isn't scary. There are pleasing amounts of gore & the filmmakers use old fashion prosthetic make-up effects rather than CGI computer effects but most of it is pretty much the same with huge sprays of blood coming from people's wounds, there's some guts here as well, someone gets a finger in the side of their head, there are shots of the remains of cats that have been torn to pieces, someone gets a lamp shoved down their throat & several people get their throats ripped out but the blood looks a bit watery & once you have seen one huge spray of arterial blood you've frankly seen them all. There is also a fair amount of nudity & naked female breasts if that sort of thing interests you although none of the actresses are anything special in the looks department.

With a supposed budget of about $2,000,000 The Thirst had a bigger budget than I was expecting & personally I'd have liked to have seen a bit more on screen action for that sort of cash. The acting isn't anything to write home about & the cast aren't that good looking either.

The Thirst is a below average Vampire horror flick, it's OK on a basic level but there's nothing memorable here beside some gory Vampire bite wounds. Worth a watch if your a Vampire junkie or die hard horror fan otherwise there's nothing much here of any worth.

(Unintentionally) Hilarious

[mourngrym1969 · 2/10 · 3 May 2007]

This movie was one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Made funnier by the fact that it was quite unintentionally hilarious.

**SPOILER ALERT*** ...not that there is truly anything to spoil, but I will follow the rules and warn you I may mention something specific in the movie while poking fun at the content, so there you are.

Even for a vampire movie, this has a weak premise/plot point. Former addicts become vampires then have an attack of morality. That's the plot, done. OK, the characters... Daddy Darius looks like Shannon Elizabeth's ex-husband and let's just say his accent is funny. The Russian nurse woman could not be more stereo typical if her name was Olga Von Russky. The one that makes this movie the comedy it is is the main guy, Maxx... the actor that plays him is familiar, seen him around (probably in a toilet paper commercial). He emotes like a retarded three year old on Ritalin. He vacillates between whiny addict full of excuses to holier than thou twelve stepper out to save the world. Scene by scene, whatever supports that scenes horrid action.

Note to special effects shop: blood is not orange, ever. Note to cameraman/lighting crew, blood is never purple, even when lit wrong. Note to filmmakers, blood does not spurt from every possible pin hole you put in a person, if it did, we would all just spontaneously explode.

Bottom line, if you are drunk or high, this can provide a monkey barrel of unintentional laughs (and speaking of monkeys, the 'sisters' spent the entire movie naked or grunting and walking like drunken baboons). Otherwise, avoid at all costs.

You have been warned!

It's too bad to summarize just read the review!

[musicalvampires_inc · 2/10 · 14 September 2007]

The only reason i could bring myself to rate this a two was because Tom Lenk, Who plays Andrew on Buffy, was a chained transvestite like Vampire wanna be, which i found mildly...okay VERY entertaining. Let the first criticism be heard shall we?

Aside from the confusing and disturbing story line, and the viciously bad acting the "blood" the crew decided upon was disgraceful and quite sickening. the hose like spurts of the pale unrealistic blood only made this movie harder to watch. The main characters (Matt Keeslar and Claire Kramer) ruthlessly murdered the already trivial parts. For instance the scene where Matt Keeslar murders his "lover" Claire he and Lisa go around the room tarring up the bedding in a cave man like manner. The scene could not be more indiscreet. THen we have the "epic" family mystery which unravels it self at the end with a discordant, battler atop an ambulance. then without any conclusion to the fight the two "good" vampires go forth and commit suicide.

THe movies content and range was non existent and the terrible acting/effects/story line/ script only made it more unbearable!

We suggest you go see this movie so you can share our detest for it!!!!!!!

p.s. Top Lenk completely steals the performance!!!!!!!!

Too Cute by a Half

[pjorash · 1/10 · 4 April 2009]

The Thirst had all the ingredients for a sexy, funny, and gory spoof. But, it misses on all counts. It's more like a lame haunted house. You can't wait to get through to the end. My impression is that Jeremy Sisto enjoys supporting low-budget and/or independent work. He's known for dark, tormented characters, but with a twisted wink-wink at not taking them too seriously. Most of what he does is interesting and creative, like the lovable "May." I wouldn't assume what his motivation for doing this character was. He seems to be trying to act as poorly as he can. The main character in the film is the blood, but the effects were obviously done as a 10th grade drama class project. Actually, I take that back. Some of those kids really put a lot of work into their product.

The Film Makers Musta Been Thirsty & Left the Set

[knightox · 3/10 · 26 June 2019]

This film can't decide whether to take itself seriously or not. It's definitely not a scary horror movie. The vampire biting scenes and other gory parts are way overdone to the point they seem idiotic. The actors can't "act" except for Baldwin. And some characters just seem to disappear altogether. Plus they basically ignore all the rules pertaining to vampire lore except for daylight. Oh, one last MAJOR SPOILER, after the two main heroes fight for their lives and kill off the bad guys they decide to commit suicide so you've basically watched for nothin'. No one wins. These kinda movies p%ss me off!

Pretty by the numbers

[preppy-3 · 5/10 · 24 June 2010]

Maxx (Matt Keeslar) is in love with Lisa (Clare Kramer) but she dies of cancer. To cheer him up some friends bring him to a place called Club Inferno (seriously). There he sees Lisa as one of the dancers! In short time he finds out she's a vampire...and belongs to a "family" who want him too.

You've seen all these plots in hundreds of other vampire movies and this adds absolutely nothing new to it. This is also one of those direct to DVD "horror" films that has tons of graphic gore and pointless female nudity. The gore is so over the top it gets boring and I DON'T need to see nude females running around covered with blood. The dialogue is bad (and predictable) and the direction looks like it was done by somebody with severe ADD. Good acting by Jeremy Sisto (going WAY over the top) and Kramer can't save this. Keeslar is handsome and muscular but a total blank as the lead. This gets a 5 for some not too bad gore and the frequent shots of Keeslar shirtless, but you've seen this all before.

They're not my friends. They're my family.

[nogodnomasters · 6/10 · 12 March 2018]

Lisa (Clare Kramer) is a stripper with stage 4 cancer. She hasn't informed her boyfriend Maxx (Matt Keeslar) who simply believes the smell and vomit is because she is a drug addict. Lisa's dancing style catches the eye of Mariel (Serena Scott Thomas) who recruits the near dead Lisa into a vampire coven. Maxx believes Lisa is dead until he sees her out one night at the Inferno Club. Eventually Maxx becomes one of them and the story becomes one of a bizarre metaphor for addiction.

The film had plenty of blood. In fact our vampires are not overly neat and bathing appears to be optional. It was a little much. Most female vampires eventually become topless except for Lisa who wears a colored see-through early on. There were times the film had that classic "Dusk to Dawn (D2D)" feel to it, but it didn't last. Fans of the D2D series with low standards should like this feature.

Parental Guide: F-bomb, sex, nudity.

I thought it was surprisingly well made...

[DavidBirke · 8/10 · 30 April 2007]

It's a total "Near Dark" rip-off and some of the elements suffer in comparison to the original and tonally it's kind of scatter-shot, uncontrolled, but very fun and interesting in its own way. One interesting thing is how it takes the drug-addiction metaphor angle-- familiar from "Near Dark" and Abel Ferarra's "The Addiction"-- and runs with it in a really enjoyable, over-the-top way.

It's also very well directed though you can see here and there where the speed and pressure of low budget production led to a few key scenes not being as executed as well as possible. But that's really kind of a quibble.

I recommend it.

The Thirst

[Scarecrow-88 · 6/10 · 9 January 2010]

Maxx(Matt Keeslar)is a recovering(..and melancholy)alcoholic drowning in sorrow over his girlfriend's woes with what he perceives to be drug addiction, when in fact Lisa(Clare Kramer)is dying of cancer and just hasn't told him. After her death, Maxx grows incredibly depressed and his friends attempt to show him a good time, taking him to a goth bar with industrial music, called Dante's Inferno, where he believes to have seen Lisa. Returning to the club, he discovers it is her, but she is now a vampire and part of "the family", a ferocious brood who take great delight in slaughtering people in private enough places. Lisa, against her better judgment, turns Maxx and is shocked and disgusted when he himself enjoys the savage brutality in killing and drinking blood from humans..this metamorphosis from a really swell guy into a cold-blooded, inhumane psycho, cheerfully sloshing pints of blood all over his face, was in need of repair.

Darius(Jeremy Sisto), Mariel(Serena Scott Thomas), Duke of Earl(Neil Jackson), Lenny(Adam Baldwin), and the "sisters"(Kylah Kim and Ave Rose Rodil) expect Maxx and Lisa to ingratiate themselves in the family, and obey their rules. This, of course, will not be the case, as Lisa decides that being a part of a pack planning to attack a group of Christian children when they arrive isn't exactly the right thing to do, convincing Maxx that this whole vampire business is for the birds..they're so devious, the family would feast on a hemophiliac girl in a wheelchair!

One thing's for sure, if you are a horror fan looking for plenty of blood-letting, Jeremy Kasten's The Thirst delivers, because gallons are shed in this joker. The blood-drinking in this one gets really nasty as the red stuff literally explodes like a geyser from neck wounds as those fed from(..and those feeding)are drowned in it. The sheer ferocity of the vampire attacks can become pretty hard to watch as the feeding frenzies(..particularly two major sequences in Dante's Inferno, and a strip bar known as Le Petit Mort, where Maxx gets in on the action along with Lenny & the sisters)carry on for quite a while. Kasten doesn't pull many punches with this one as it gets pretty gratuitous. The Thirst kind of reminded me of Kathryn Bigelow's Near Dark, the idea of a family of ravenous vampires, who travel from city to city, town to town, slaughtering human targets like wolves to sheep. You could almost consider Keesler the Adrian Pasdar of this film, how he is influenced because of his desire to be with Lisa, and how he reluctantly, but agreeably, volunteers to join the family. Then, as Near Dark did, we see them attempt to liberate themselves, knowing that the family are relentless scavengers who would kill anyone, if just for the hell of it. Boy, Sisto and Baldwin just let it all hang out in this one, not retrained one tiny bit, and go so over-the-top/unhinged, you can only amuse at their scenery devouring.

Not much in the way of originality I'm afraid. Some may even be reminded of JS Cardone's The Forsaken while watching this. Bloodthirsty gorehounds unite, though..in this regard, Kasten bathes the screen in red crimson, giving vampire fans at least that much. There is an attempt at telling a love story and how death can not separate two who care so passionately for one another. Most potent sequence could be when Maxx attempts, regrettably, to turn a female friend of his, and, gosh, does it end badly.

Now and then I have to vent on those who play at death. It makes me hard to see them cry.

[lastliberal · 6/10 · 5 February 2010]

So what is important - life, friendship, love? The film explores these issue in a sea of blood. Twilight it isn't! Clare Kramer (Glory in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") decides that life is worth more, even if it is life as a vampire. She is totally hot and turns in a great performance.

Eventually, her boyfriend Maxx (Matt Keeslar from "The Middleman") joins her. He becomes more of a vampire than she is. She seems to have some humanity in her.

Jeremy Sisto ("Six Feet Under", "Law and Order") is the leader of the vampires. He steals every scene he appears in.

Sure, it bears a huge resemblance to Near Dark, but it is an enjoyable ride.

Music by Rasputina.

Feels like coming home

[immichellepratt · 8/10 · 25 February 2012]

I loved it! It was so much fun to see so many of my frequent TV faves on the "big screen". Back in the days before "The Middleman", "Firefly", "Six Feet Under" and "Buffy". Not to forget Erik Palladino from a little bit everywhere. Everyone is going through a Change of Life. 12 Stepping with Dracula and trying not to enable each other! An eye-opening view of hypocrisy in the young among the ages. This movie brings blood soaked gore into the modern psycho-babble world, where we have killed "the child within" in order to heal it. A lot of Vampiric fun with moderate to juicy blood flow and a neat moral in the end. Like something Tarantino might have ...cut his teeth on?

;-}

Great Vampire Entry

[TRussellMorris · 7/10 · 16 April 2020]

It was refreshing to see something a little more unique in the Vampire genre. I got it once seeing that it starred Glorificus from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Had a powerful storyline with the lead dying of cancer only to sent an angel of mercy (in the form of a Vampire) to rescue her from death, without her knowledge or permission to then deal with life, love and redemption in the aftermath. the music was brilliant (the typical 2000's pop-punk often seen in Buffy actually), I found all other aspects of the movie nicely done. Kept me both engaged and interested throughout. Don't know what some of these bad reviews are talking about, seems almost trollish to be honest. As though I suppose I could see some folks tagging it only mediocre, the extreme ones seem intentionally extreme as nothing in this picture, from directing, to acting, to story or pace sinks below what some I suppose could find "mid-range" or "Mediocre". there's really nothing bad about it if this genre appeals to you at all. Certainly glad I got it for my collection.