- Off. Tom Hanson #2: Hey, Penhall, did you go to your prom?
- Off. Doug Penhall: What is that a trick question? Hanson, I went to my first prom when I was eleven.
- Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Well, I never went to mine. I guess when I was in high school, I never believed it was the last time I was gonna be there.
- Off. Doug Penhall: Ioki, what do you think we do all day?
- [first lines]
- Margie: I don't think we should do this Jane, I don't.
- Jane Kinney: Of course we shouldn't, that's why we're doing it.
- Off. Doug Penhall: Hanson, Hanson, Hanson. I'm trying to save your life here, but you're going to have to give me a little help. Bowling? I once knew a kid who's father was a bowler. He ran away from home. He was three. His mother helped him!
- Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Listen, Penhall, maybe there's still time. You know, maybe Thomas here isn't any good.
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: You want to know what my handicap is?
- Off. Doug Penhall: Yeah, bowling!
- Off. Doug Penhall: What do you want me to do? Kill myself?
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: Yes!
- Captain Richard Jenko: [as the guys come in dressed for the prom] Well, well, well. Far out. Looks like we've got a Japanese Elvis Presley, a pimp, and the butler.
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: With the budget we've got, you're lucky we could afford to rent the pants.
- Captain Richard Jenko: Maybe you should go without the pants, tell them you're a poor butler.
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: [after bowling a strike] Oh! Another slam-a-rino for the Kingpins! Yeah!
- Girl Sitting With Penhall: Your friend?
- Off. Doug Penhall: [chuckling] Yeah well, sort of I guess.
- Girl Sitting With Penhall: He's very good, isn't he?
- Off. Doug Penhall: If you like guys who say "slam-a-rino", yeah