- Tommy Solomon: Great news! I am now the coolest punk in school.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Well, congratulations! What did you do?
- Tommy Solomon: I got suspended for setting off the fire alarm.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: They suspended you for that? You saved hundreds of lives!
- Tommy Solomon: No, no, no! That's the best part! There was no fire!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Tommy, this is outrageous! The next time you set off a fire alarm, you'd damn well better start a fire first!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What's going on?
- Nina Campbell: Oh, she's having a big affair.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What? You tramp!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Dick, it's a catered affair.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: You're cheating on me *and* your diet?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: It was awful. I had a two-hour conversation with someone about Cornish gay men.
- Nina Campbell: Are you sure it wasn't "Cornish game hen"?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: That's what I said: "Cornish gay men"! Aren't you listening?
- Tommy Solomon: [Lorna finds Tommy inside his school locker, and lets him out] Hi.
- Lorna: Are you okay?
- Tommy Solomon: Oh, yeah, I'm fine. How are you?
- Lorna: Hey, don't let those guys bother you, huh? They're just havin' fun.
- Tommy Solomon: Oh, yeah, I know. We had a few laughs last week when they pantsed me in the cafeteria.
- Lorna: I'm Lorna.
- Tommy Solomon: Oh, yeah, I know. You were in my Math class last year.
- Lorna: Oh, right. What happened to you?
- Tommy Solomon: I passed.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I don't mean to panic anyone, but I'm afraid the calamari is infested with baby squid!