- Evil Dick: Stay and witness my moment of glory, as I impregnate the entire population of Ohio with my demon progeny.
- Tommy Solomon: Wait, wait, wait. Even the men?
- Evil Dick: Okay, not the men.
- Sally Solomon: Not little girls?
- Evil Dick: No. No, not them.
- Tommy Solomon: Wait. What about elderly women?
- Evil Dick: I don't think so.
- Harry Solomon: What about women who are already pregnant?
- Evil Dick: Oh, shut up, all of you! Okay, so apparently, I won't be impregnating the entire population of Ohio, but all fertile women of child-bearing age who are not currently pregnant - and that's a lot! We're talking lots of women here - will soon find themselves now pregnant by me.
- Evil Dick: It seems that I've underestimated your stupidity.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: That was your first mistake...
- [Sally is warning Dick that Evil Dick has seduced Dr. Albright]
- Sally Solomon: She cares about you so much, she is upstairs, about to have sex with another man.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: She would do that for me?
- Sally Solomon: If you don't stop her.
- [out of fear of The Big Giant Head, Sally starts to leave Dick imprisoned in the basement and join the new High Commander]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Sally! Think of all we've been through together. When Brad dumped you, who ordered you to drink yourself silly until you completely drowned your feelings for him?
- Sally Solomon: [sheepishly] You did.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: When I ran over your foot with the car, who drove you to the hospital *the very next day*?
- Sally Solomon: You did.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: And when you were hungry that day in the park, who stole that little girl's ice cream cone for you?
- Sally Solomon: Tommy did that.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: But it was my idea.
- Tommy Solomon: It was.
- Harry Solomon: True.
- Tommy Solomon: We could have used you an hour ago!
- Dennis Rodman: I TRIED to get here, but I was mobbed by all these PEOPLE! I've gotta find a better disguise.
- Tommy Solomon: Why don't you try women's clothes?
- Dennis Rodman: Tried it; doesn't work.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: There's so much I've missed! Fresh air! The smell of bacon frying! Watching talk shows with Harry - I didn't miss Jerry Springer's biker chick make-over, did I?
- Harry Solomon: It was Tuesday...
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Damn it!
- Sally Solomon: [Pounding on bathroom door] Come ON, Dick!
- [to Tommy and Harry]
- Sally Solomon: He's taking so long!
- Evil Dick: [Comes out of bedroom] Who's taking so long?
- Sally Solomon: [Panicking] Toilet Duck!
- Harry Solomon: He's working on our stubborn build-up...