The Addams Family (TV Series)

Mother Lurch Visits the Addams Family (1965)

John Astin: Gomez Addams

Photos 

Quotes 

• Morticia Addams : [about Mother Lurch]  Do you know she hates Pugsley's octopus?

  Gomez Addams : [shocked]  Anyone who'd hate an octopus is warped!

  Morticia Addams : She even tried to feed it to Cleopatra.

  Gomez Addams : That's inhuman!

  Morticia Addams : I rescued him just in time.

• [Using a crossbow, Gomez and Morticia are shooting at apples tossed mid-air by Thing] 

  Morticia Addams : Now isn't this better than shooting apples off of Lurches head?

  Gomez Addams : Much safer and, uh, less expensive. These poor steel-tipped arrows haven't a chance against Lurch's head.

• [the family is brainstorming over how to deal with the impending visit from Lurch's mother] 

  Uncle Fester : I say let's mine the front porch. I can wire it so it'll blow up when she pushes the doorbell. That always discourages those magazine salesmen.

  Gomez Addams : Not bad, Fester, but why not just, uh, wire the doorbell with a few thousand volts. No need to damage the porch.

• Uncle Fester : But that's ridiculous, how can you get fired from your own home?

  Gomez Addams : That's an interesting question.

• Gomez Addams : [snaps his fingers]  Lurch, that picture of the house that you sent to your mother, you told her it was your house, right?

  [Lurch nods shamefully] 

  Morticia Addams : Well, we always think of you as one of the family, Lurch.

  Lurch : A servant...

  Morticia Addams : A very good servant!

  Lurch : I'm a liar.

  Gomez Addams : And a very good liar!

  Morticia Addams : Gomez!

  Gomez Addams : Oh sorry, I got carried away.

• Morticia Addams : It's impossible.

  Gomez Addams : What's impossible?

  Morticia Addams : That blondes have more fun.

• Morticia Addams : [about Lurch]  He's been terribly depressed ever since he got that letter from his mother this morning. Not himself at all.

  Gomez Addams : How could you tell?

  Morticia Addams : He smiled.

• Gomez Addams : We'll call a family conference. Maybe Uncle Fester can think of something. He has a good head on his shoulders.

  Morticia Addams : Too bad Cousin Slimy isn't around. He has two of them.

• Gomez Addams : You rang?

  Mother Lurch : I don't trust you Gomez, you've got shifty eyes! And no good butler wears a mustache!

  Gomez Addams : Sorry madam, I was born with it.

  Mother Lurch : Where have you been off to, some dark corner with that hussy of a maid?

  Gomez Addams : [to Lurch]  Sir, I appeal to you!

  Mother Lurch : You don't appeal to him and you don't appeal to me! My son is just too sweet and gentle. People take advantage of him. You're sloppy and inefficient!

  Gomez Addams : Sir, please tell her...

  Lurch : You're sloppy and inefficient!