All in the Family (TV Series)

Cousin Maude's Visit (1971)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Archie Bunker : Well, let me tell you one thing about Richard E. Nixon. He knows how to keep his wife, Pat, home. Roosevelt could never do that with Eleanor. She was always out on the loose. Running around with the coloreds. Tellin' 'em they was gettin' the short end of the stick. She was the one who discovered the coloreds in this country; we never knew they was there!

• Archie Bunker : Roosevelt sold us out to Joe Stalin at Gibraltar.

  Maude : They met at Yalta.

  Archie Bunker : He sold us out there too.

• Archie Bunker : [Maude refuses to get out of Archie's chair]  Well, I got the secret weapon that can lay this little lady right away. Here we go. This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt!

  Cousin Maude : You're fat.

  Archie Bunker : Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Franklin Delano Roosevelt...

  Edith Bunker : Archie, you promised never to say that name again in front of Maude.

  Archie Bunker : Franklin Delano Roosevelt!

  Edith Bunker : [to Maude]  He don't mean nothing. His whole family was for Roosevelt.

  Archie Bunker : That was for two terms. But that was it. We didn't know the guy was going to hold on to the job like a pope!

• Archie Bunker : This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

  Maude : You're fat.

• Cousin Maude : [after Maude sings to wake everybody up]  Are you waiting for a special invitation? I said breakfast is on the table.

  Archie Bunker : I heard ya. So did every moose up in Canada.

• Archie Bunker : [Maude hands him his breakfast]  What's this?

  Cousin Maude : It's my own invention. Cream of Wheat with cheese.

  Archie Bunker : Cheese?

  Cousin Maude : It's light but it binds.

• Archie : Sticks and stones may break my bones, but FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT.

• Cousin Maude : That man had charisma!

  Archie Bunker : I don't care if he was sick!

• Edith Bunker : [Edith suddenly does not look well]  Maude!

  Archie Bunker : Whoa, Edith, what's the matter?

  Edith Bunker : Archie, when you first got sick, where did it hit you?

  Archie Bunker : Aw Edith, you know where it hit me.

  Edith Bunker : Mike, what about you?

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : It was my head, suddenly I got dizzy.

  Edith Bunker : Gloria?

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Suddenly I felt nauseous and started throwing up.

  Edith Bunker : THAT'S THE ONE!

• Edith Bunker : [runs up the stairs]  I'm sick!

  Archie Bunker : Edith, you can't be sick, who's gonna take care of us?

  Maude : [taps his shoulder]  Maudie's here.

• Archie Bunker : FDR had General MacArthur fired in Korea!

  Cousin Maude : That was Truman!

  Archie Bunker : Under secret, sealed orders from FDR!