All in the Family (TV Series)

Henry's Farewell (1973)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Quotes 

• Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Ma, just because it's in the Bible, do you really believe that a rich man can't get into heaven?

  Archie Bunker : Certainly she does, and I do too. If it's in the Bible, then a rich man can't get into Heaven.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Not that I really care Arch, but why not?

  Archie Bunker : Because, stupid, as it also says in the Bible, quote: "You can't take it with you."

• Archie Bunker : Edith!

  Edith Bunker : Oh, good morning, Archie!

  Archie Bunker : Listen, never mind the good morning. Just do me a favor, huh? The next time you get up at the crack of dawn, don't wake me up to tell me it ain't time for me to get up yet.

  Archie Bunker : [to Mike]  And you, meathead, turn off the garbage on that radio.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : [sarcastically]  Okay; I thought you would be interested in what King Richard was up to today.

  Archie Bunker : And shut that hole in the middle of your face too, huh? Wise guy, trying to insult the President by calling him a king.

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Why not? Nixon acts like one.

  Archie Bunker : I got news for you, little girl: being a president is much better than being a king

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Yeah; you can probably make more money that way.

  Archie Bunker : Get out of here, huh! Richard E. Nixon ain't interested in getting rich.

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : He's not interested in getting rich? Why not?

  Archie Bunker : Because he's got plenty of money.

  Edith Bunker : [quoting the Bible]  It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter heaven.

• Archie Bunker : [Edith answers the doorbell]  Listen, let me tell you something...

  Edith Bunker : Oh, hi Lionel.

  Archie Bunker : You can take the coloreds out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the...

  Archie Bunker : [changes conversation when he sees Lionel]  Oh, hi Lionel.

  Lionel Jefferson : Oh, hi Mr. Bunker; sorry to interrupt your lecture on anthropology. Mom just asked me to stop over and borrow some big dishes.

• Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Hey Lionel, I'll bet your uncle Henry's pretty excited, huh?

  Lionel Jefferson : Oh yeah yeah, he's really looking forward to it.

  Archie Bunker : Oh, well you must be looking forward at long last to getting your own bedroom, huh Lionel?

  Lionel Jefferson : I always had my own room, Mr. Bunker.

  Archie Bunker : Well, where's Henry sleeping, up in the attic?

  Lionel Jefferson : No, he's got his own room, too.

  Archie Bunker : Wait a minute, wait a minute. Henry's got his bedroom, you've got a bedroom, your mother and father's got a bedroom? You've only got two bedrooms in that house.

  Lionel Jefferson : No, we got three bedrooms.

  Archie Bunker : You're telling me your house is bigger than mine?

  Lionel Jefferson : Sure, You didn't know that, Mr. Bunker? I got a room, he got a room,

  Lionel Jefferson : [sings]  All God's children got rooms!

• Edith Bunker : [quoting the Bible]  "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter heaven."

  Archie Bunker : And it is easier for you to pass me the coffee, than for me to go over there for it!

• Gloria Bunker-Stivic : The cookies are for Henry Jefferson's farewell party.

  Archie Bunker : Oh, I know all about it. Jeez, the whole street is goin' crazy just because one colored guy wants to leave home.

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : I thought you'd be leading the cheers.

  Archie Bunker : I ain't going nowheres near that party!

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : That's 'cause you're a racist, Daddy.

  Archie Bunker : That ain't so! I would say good-bye to Lionel's uncle Henry; I ain't gonna have nothin' to do with Lionel's old man, because he's an oddball!

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : What do you mean, he's an oddball?

  Archie Bunker : Well, look at the guy! You never see him; he's hiding out in his house all the time, like some Bantam o' the opera!