- Archie: Why did the Irish farmer pour alcohol on his vegetable crop? Because he wanted to have stewed tomatoes.
- Henry Jefferson: Let them mix the races but we're gonna keep ours pure. No more cream into the coffee.
- Archie Bunker: If God had intended whites and coloreds to dance together...
- Mike Stivic: He'd had given us rhythm too.
- Archie Bunker: [Answering the door to Mr. Jefferson] I didn't order you on the phone, I ordered your brother.
- Henry Jefferson: Well, what you see is what you get.
- Archie Bunker: Well, I got something here for you to see.
- [Holds up picture of Lionel Jefferson and Archie's niece Linda]
- Archie Bunker: I want to know what your family is gonna do about him?
- [Points to Lionel]
- Henry Jefferson: [Holding up his own copy of the same picture] Well, I want to know what your family is gonna do about her?
- Archie Bunker: You ain't even the head of your family. Why didn't Lionel's father come over here?
- Henry Jefferson: You don't want to know the answer to that.
- Archie Bunker: Yes I do.
- Henry Jefferson: Alright. He said he "ain't never stepped into a honky's household," and he "ain't about to start at the bottom of the heap."
- Archie Bunker: Jefferson, I don't like that.
- Edith Bunker: He said you wouldn't like it.
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: Ma, was your father strict with you, I mean about who you went out with?
- Edith Bunker: Oh yeah. The boy had to be kind and thoughtful and a gentleman.
- Mike Stivic: How did Archie ever pass that test?
- Edith Bunker: Well, Daddy died a year before I met Archie.
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: Ma, when you say kind and thoughtful and a gentleman, you're describing Lionel.
- Edith Bunker: ...I am, ain't I.
- Archie Bunker: I have you into my house, there, you break bread with me and then you go and do a thing like this, thank you very much, Lionel.
- Lionel Jefferson: You mean me taking out Linda?
- Archie Bunker: Yes.
- Lionel Jefferson: Oh you don't have to thank me for that, Mr. Bunker. I'd do it again but she's leaving tomorrow.
- Archie Bunker: Let's cut the funnies. You know what I'm saying to you. I'm saying that youse guys ought to stick with yourselves.
- Lionel Jefferson: You mean guys ought to stay with guys?
- Archie Bunker: Let's cut the funnies out, huh. This is very serious. You know what I'm saying to you. I'm saying, that youse guys ought to stick with yourselves.
- Lionel Jefferson: You mean guys ought to stay with guys?
- [laughter]
- Archie Bunker: You know what I'm talking about Lionel. I'm saying that whites ought to stay with whites aaand, coloreds ought to stay with coloreds.
- Lionel Jefferson: Look Mr. Bunker. Its been a year and a half now since we moved into this neighborhood. I was just 19 then and I got a big kick out of you and me for a long time. But I'm pushing 21 now and I'm not getting that big a kick out of it anymore.
- Archie Bunker: Alright Lionel, put lid on all of that.
- Lionel Jefferson: No, no, wait, I'm not finished, now... now, we've been friends and we can go on being friends. But when it comes to black and white and all the other wonderful thoughts you have in between... put a lid on that Archie.