- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: [On the phone] I still can't find an apartment.
- Archie Bunker: That's because you're looking with a bag over your head.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Would you leave me alone?
- Archie Bunker: Try Jersey.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: I *hate* Jersey!
- Archie Bunker: *Everybody* hates Jersey! But somebody's gotta live there.
- Irene Lorenzo: [Munson gave Archie a black lawn jockey as a gift for his mortgage-burning party] You mean you're really gonna put that out in front of your house?
- Archie Bunker: No, No. Jeez, I'd have half o' Harlem here thinkin I was rent'n rooms.
- George Jefferson: What are you looking so down in the mouth for?
- Lionel Jefferson: Oh, Mike Stivic's really got a problem.
- George Jefferson: Why, did Bunker padlock the refrigerator?
- [Guffaws]
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: To Archie: That's what I'm going to miss most -- your eloquent verbalization of total absurdity.
- Archie Bunker: Try Jersey!
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: I hate Jersey!
- Archie Bunker: Everybody hates Jersey, but somebody's gotta live there!