American Dad! (TV Series)

Star Trek (2005)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien, Greg Corbin, Alan Greenspan

Quotes 

• Stanley Smith : Francine, your roots are showing!

  Francine Smith : I know. My hairdresser lost his touch when he decided he was straight. Apparently, it is a choice.

• Stanley Smith : [his wife's roots are showing]  Francine, looking at your hair, I doubt I could eat the amount I want to vomit.

• Francine Smith : The only good hairdresser in town is Mr Beauregard, and it's impossible to get an appointment unless you know somebody.

  Klaus : But Francine, you do know somebody. You know Roger. Oh, wait, he's just a nobody.

  Roger the Alien : [gasps]  Don't... cry... in front of the fish!

• Francine Smith : Anything for me?

  Stanley Smith : Just a postcard that says your hair looks like crap. Hey, it's from me.

• Roger the Alien : It's not silly juice, it's necessary juice!

• Roger the Alien : [Sees a Planet of the Apes ornament]  This bust of Ben Stiller is hideous. But it's mine!

• Stanley Smith : [to Steve]  I look around me and I see it isn't so!

  Steve Smith : What?

  Stanley Smith : I mean, why'd you cheat?

  Steve Smith : I'm sorry. It's just... creative writing is hard, I can't do it.

  Stanley Smith : Can't? We don't live in Ameri-can't, Steve we live in Ameri-ca. No, no, no, wait, we live in Ameri-can. No, wait, that's not right. We are Ameri-can. W... where was I going with this?

  Steve Smith : Um, I said creative writing is hard...

  Stanley Smith : Oh, yeah, yeah. Perseverance, Steve. It's all about perseverance and if I Ameri-can't teach you about it, I have a friend who Ameri-will. Well, that sounded good. Had a bumpy start there, but I think I pulled it together.

• Roger the Alien : Oh, my God! It's happening for me. I'm almost a star. Oh! There's my cell phone. Oh, my God! It's Johnny Depp.

  [pretending to talk on the phone] 

  Roger the Alien : Deppster! What's shaking?

  Klaus : That's not a cell phone. That's a bar of soap you painted black.

  Roger the Alien : Yeah, hang on, J.D. Watch it, Klaus or I'm gonna cram this bad boy 20,000 leagues up your butt.

• Roger the Alien : [while reading US Weekly]  Stars. They're just like us. Ooh! Here's Tara Reid buying a gallon of vodka and a case of morning-after pills. I drink gallons of vodka. I should be a star.

• Roger the Alien : Oh, my God, Stan! How upset are you? Seriously, on a scale from one to pissed? Oh, who gives a flying fig? I'm a star!

• Steve Smith : [to Roger]  Wait, you were trying to kill me? So this is all your fault.

  Roger the Alien : Oh, yeah. Blame the alien. The cops will eat that up. Sorry, pal, you're going to jail where they're gonna take your cherry Jell-O away in the lunch line after you're raped in the shower.

• Roger the Alien : Au revoir, stardom.

  [pushes a cinder block which drags the Roger doll to the bottom along with Steve off the boat and into the water] 

  Roger the Alien : Oh, did I tie that to Steve's ankle? Guess I'm clumsy like he wrote in the book. How do like that ending, Steve?

• Roger the Alien : It's not Silly Juice it's Necessary Juice!