- Emma Brand: Sheriff, I come to report a murder.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: A murder?
- Emma Brand: That's right.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Somebody's been murdered?
- Emma Brand: Yes.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Who?
- Emma Brand: Me!
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: You?
- Emma Brand: Yes, and I'll tell you who done it! That lady druggist, that's who!
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Miss, uh, Miss Walker?
- Emma Brand: She's the one! Now, Sheriff, go arrest her! Do your duty!
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, now, Emma, they's... they's just the teensiest little technicality involved here. You ain't quite dead yet.
- Barney Fife: [looking for a legal precedent to make Ellie sell Emma her pills] Wilson sues Thorpe for refusin' to sell him arsenic to kill rats in his cellar. Pharmacist Thorpe claimed arsenic would be dangerous to Wilson's personal safety as Wilson was not a responsible person. Wilson, however, proved beyond any doubt that he was safe and responsible, won the case and purchased his arsenic on Tuesday, May 4.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: That's good. We got her.
- Barney Fife: He was buried on Friday, May 7.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Well, we just lost her again.
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Oh, I'll say one thing for you, Emma. When you have a pain, it really goes places.