Angel (TV Series)

Lonely Heart (1999)

Charisma Carpenter: Cordelia Chase

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Quotes 

• Angel : I know you guys have been working hard. I mean, - you've been cooped up inside a lot. And to show my appreciation I was thinking, - the night being, you know, young and all - that the three of us - could - well, should, - You know, maybe, - go out, - you know,

  [awkward pause] 

  Angel : ... for fun.

  Cordelia : Or we can go home.

  Allen Francis Doyle : And you can sit in the dark alone.

  Angel : [breathing a sigh of relief]  God, yes! Thank you.

• Cordelia : Hey, you look troubled. Or is that just your lazy eye? Anyway, call us, we're very discreet.

• Cordelia : What's with those vision things of yours?

  Allen Francis Doyle : Well, they're messages I get, you know, from the higher powers, whoever they are. You know, it's my gift.

  Cordelia : If that was my gift, I'd return it.

• Angel : This socializing thing is brutal. I mean, I was young, once. I used to go to bars. It was never like this.

  Allen Francis Doyle : Nah, you used to go to taverns, man. Small towns, everybody used to know each other.

  Cordelia : Yeah, like high school. It's easy to date there. I mean, we all had so much in common. Being monster food every other week, for instance.

• Cordelia : Demons. Is there anything more disgusting?

  Allen Francis Doyle : You think so?

  Cordelia : Come on. Okay, look at this one. This demon wears a wreath of intestines around its head. I mean, honestly, what kind of statement is this thing trying to make?

• Cordelia : I guess the single life's particularly tough on you.

  Angel : Why?

  Cordelia : Well, a couple hundred years ago, the only thing you had to worry about was a hangover. Today, 'cause of your curse thingy, you can't sleep with anyone or else you might feel a moment of true happiness and lose your soul, become evil - again - and kill everyone.

  Angel : Thanks, Cordelia. I always appreciate your perspective.

  Cordelia : No problem. Hey, the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find that I'm working for a homicidal monster.

• Angel : [to Doyle]  Where'd you pick up computer skills?

  Cordelia : Downloading pictures of naked women?

  Allen Francis Doyle : Well, that's more or less accurate.

• Angel : You actually live here?

  Cordelia : [insulted]  Yes. Okay? Is it my fault that maid service was interrupted? It was supposed to go: home, hotel, hotel, husband.

• Cordelia : [Trying to interview people about usual occurrences at a bar, and not having any luck]  How's Angel doing?

  Angel : [Cut to Angel standing by the bar. A guy is walking away from him shaking his head]  No seriously, I wasn't hitting on you!

• Allen Francis Doyle : This isn't a marketing seminar, princess. You know, we need to operate a little bit more below radar.

  Cordelia : What radar?

  Allen Francis Doyle : The police. You know the service our friend Angel provides might put someone in mind of the "V" word.

  Cordelia : Vampire?

  Allen Francis Doyle : No, vigilante.

• Cordelia : That is so high school. "Cordelia wears bras. Ooo, she has girl parts."

• Angel : I saw it. It's a burrower.

  Cordelia : It's a donkey? Oh, we didn't see any donkey demons.

• Allen Francis Doyle : Great idea! Calling cards. It's not like you have a signal folks can shine in the sky when ever they need help, you know?

  Angel : [Angel takes a card]  Hey, look at that, there is our number. It's right next to a... a um - a - a butterfly?

  Allen Francis Doyle : [Looks a Cordy's face then back down at the card he is holding]  It's obviously not a butterfly, you idiot. It's a - a bird. No, no, wait, it's an owl. A - a bird that hunts at night. Brilliant! It's a- a...

  Cordelia : [Interrupting angrily]  It's an angel!

• Allen Francis Doyle : You need to chat people up a little bit more casual-like, you know? "Hi, what's your name? How's life treatin' ya? Wh-What's that, you say? Minions from hell getting' you down?"

  Cordelia : Excuse me, but I am an actress, a student of the human animal. I don't have to talk to people to know their story. Jazz Hands, over there? Mama's boy, Peter Pan complex. Self-absorbed closet dyke with a big The World Owes Me chip on her shoulder. And check out Sarah, Plain and Tall. Has or comes from big money.

  Allen Francis Doyle : How do you know all that?

  Cordelia : Well, you've gotta be rich to snag the Calvin Klein model she's leaving with.

• Cordelia : It's a parasite, moves from body to body, and when it starts to leave one for the next, not gonna gag here, but the first one goes kerplooey pretty fast.

  Allen Francis Doyle : Yep. Curdles like cream on a hot day.

  Cordelia : I believe I covered that with non-dairy "kerplooey"?