- Thomas Banacek: Can't you tell me here?
- Erica Osburn: Oh, no. Any minute you'll turn on a Ravel tape or something.
- Thomas Banacek: Actually, I was going to propose first.
- Thomas Banacek: No offense, but do you always talk like that?
- Cap'n Jack Osburn: Like what?
- Thomas Banacek: Like a cross between Captain Ahab and Long John Silver's parrot.
- Cap'n Jack Osburn: [laughs] You've found me out, eh, lad.
- Thomas Banacek: There's an old Polish proverb that says, "When an owl comes to a mouse picnic, it's not there for the sack races."
- Thomas Banacek: You don't seem overweight to me.
- Erica Osburn: You've never seen me naked.
- Thomas Banacek: Not that I remember, and I imagine I would.
- Erica Osburn: You would.
- Thomas Banacek: Did I ask to get in your chopper?
- Erica Osburn: You could've.
- Thomas Banacek: Next time.
- Thomas Banacek: He looks like the cartoon on the soup can.
- Erica Osburn: He *is* the cartoon on the soup can. Would you like to meet him?
- Thomas Banacek: I've never met a real cartoon.
- Simson: I was a history teacher.
- Thomas Banacek: Why'd you quit?
- Simson: Well, history doesn't change, and I sure did.
- Thomas Banacek: She's an old friend from my non-protest period.
- Erica Osburn: You're disgusting.
- Thomas Banacek: I know.
- Fennyman: Ten per cent of two million dollars for two days' work. That's damn near un-American.
- Thomas Banacek: It might even be un-Polish, but that's the way it goes.
- Fennyman: How do you do it, Banacek?
- Thomas Banacek: Do what?
- Fennyman: How do you convince a man like Mr. Morgan that you're a combination the Scarlet Pimpernel, Humphrey Bogart, and Sherlock Holmes all rolled into one?
- Thomas Banacek: Elementary, my dear Fennyman, that's who I am, only you left out the Green Hornet.
- Leo Osburn: The plants seem to flourish under sweet music, and they get very depressed by the news.
- Thomas Banacek: I must be part geranium.
- Thomas Banacek: There's an old Polish proverb that says, "Even a thousand zloty notes can't tap dance."
- Fennyman: You really thought I might have done it, huh?
- Thomas Banacek: Yeah, for a minute or two, and then I realized it was cleverly handled.