- Irving: Okay, okay!
- [changes the channel]
- Irving: You'll watch this quietly, or you go back to your cell.
- The Joker: Jawohl!
- Poison Ivy: [sulking] I don't care.
- [Joker sidles up to her]
- The Joker: You hold my hand, and I'll slug you.
- Poison Ivy: GUARD!
- The Joker: Just kidding, just kidding! Yeesh, Pammy, lighten up!
- [first lines]
- [Poison Ivy watches a gardening show, then the Joker strides in and changes the TV channel]
- Poison Ivy: Hey! I was watching that!
- The Joker: And now you're watching this.
- Poison Ivy: Change it back!
- The Joker: [goofy voice] Uh-huh, nope, nope, nope, nope, don't want to.
- [interviewing Kaiser about the "Joker's Wild" casino]
- Summer Gleeson: Mr. Kaiser, why build a casino seemingly in honor of one of history's greatest outlaws?
- Cameron Kaiser: Summer, please! The Joker is a classical symbol, long associated with cards and games. We can't help it if there's some passing resemblance to some criminal fruitcake...
- [Joker hurls a potted plant into the television]
- The Joker: How dare that smug, preening fool try to cash in on my image!
- Dr. Pamela Isley: Now who should lighten up?
- The Joker: Don't get cute with me, Red! He's ripping me off! I'll protest! Yeah, I'll sue! Then I'll rip his lungs out! And I will, too.
- [On entering the "Joker's Wild" casino]
- The Joker: Jumpin' Jiminy Christmas! It's an homage to me! I'm kind of sorry I have to blow it up.
- [while posing as a blackjack dealer]
- The Joker: Try your luck, friend?
- Bruce Wayne: Why not?
- The Joker: Say, don't I know you...? Sure, Bruce Wayne! Ah, so this is how your family made all those billions.
- Cameron Kaiser: [cutting the ribbon] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, one and all... to Joker's Wild!
- The Joker: Say *what*?
- Summer Gleeson: Ugh, that's disgusting!
- Cameraman: [whispering] Psst, Summer! We're on the air!
- Summer Gleeson: Oh! Uh... there you have it! Let's get a reaction from the crowd. Mr. Wayne?
- Bruce Wayne: [equally nauseated] No comment...
- [last lines]
- Summer Gleeson: [on the news] And so it ended for *ex*-billionaire Cameron Kaiser, and the Joker...
- The Joker: Bah! Enough of this rubbish!
- [changes the channel]
- Poison Ivy, Mad Hatter, Scarecrow: Hey! We were watching that!
- [nervously, Joker changes it back]
- The Joker: [muttering] Ah, you miserable wet tub of no-good losers, you make me sick...
- [Kaiser makes his getaway in a helicopter, but his pilot acts very strangely...]
- Cameron Kaiser: What are you circling for, you fool?
- The Joker: It was a scheme worthy of me, Kaiser...
- [Kaiser gasps]
- The Joker: The way you got me riled up and turned me loose on this place!
- Cameron Kaiser: You? But... but you were supposed to destroy the casino!
- The Joker: Yeah, but I thought it'd be even more fun to get rid of you and run the show myself!
- Cameron Kaiser: But... but, you can't...!
- The Joker: Oh, please, Mr. Kaiser! You of all people should have realized there'd be a Joker in the deck!
- Poison Ivy: GUARD!
- Irving: What's the problem?
- The Joker: Don't look now, Sunny Jim, but the plant lady's gone wackers again.
- Poison Ivy: He started it! I was just sitting here!
- The Joker: That's right, you're always blaming me. And the children wonder why we fight...
- Alfred Pennyworth: I didn't mind driving up here at a moment's notice to bring your outfit, and I was more than happy to dream up a plausible excuse for your date. But staying in this horrid place pushes even my tolerance.
- [the Joker knocks out Batman]
- The Joker: Kind of slow on the reflexes, eh, Batsy? That car crash must have taken more out of you than I thought...
- [an unconscious Batman awakens to find himself bound and trussed...]
- The Joker: Wakey, wakey! I thought you'd like to be conscious for your own demise. I really put some effort into this one...
- [Batman looks around and finds himself on a giant colorful roulette wheel; even more colorful is the massive pile of explosives to which the wheel is connected]
- The Joker: When I spin the wheel, you, the casino, and that strutting fool Kaiser will all be blown sky high! Not bad, eh?
- Batman: You won't get Kaiser. He's been playing you for a patsy.
- The Joker: Eh?
- Batman: He's counting on you to blow this place up, so he can collect the insurance. By the time you get clear, Kaiser will be miles away, laughing at you.
- The Joker: I hate it when you make sense!
- [the Joker disarms the explosives and removes the connections to the wheel]
- The Joker: I'll settle my score with Kaiser, man to clown. But that still doesn't let you off the hook!
- [He starts up the roulette wheel and tosses a grenade into it]
- The Joker: How 'bout that, Bats? Looks like your number's up!
- [an enraged Joker has to be subdued by guards]
- Poison Ivy: Oh, Joker... thanks for the smile.
- [the Joker glares angrily at Ivy before he is bundled out of the rec room]
- The Joker: Don't try this at home, kids!
- [Joker lassoes a passing semi and gets pulled over the asylum fence]
- [Batman's glider crashes into the maw of a giant revolving Joker head]
- The Joker: That's right, chew him up and spit him out!
- [laughs]
- Batman: If I didn't know better, I'd say you wanted this place destroyed.
- Cameron Kaiser: After spending 300 million to build it? That's not good business, my friend.
- Batman: I've seen the unpaid bills. Building this casino has bankrupted you. That's why you turned it into a target for the Joker. Once he destroys it, you'll collect the insurance money.
- Cameron Kaiser: You hit the jackpot, Batman. But I've got too much at stake to be stopped now.
- Bruce Wayne: I'm convinced it wasn't Kaiser's original goal to make a Joker-themed casino.
- [pulling a piece of wallpaper back]
- Bruce Wayne: See?
- Alfred Pennyworth: But why the deception?
- Bruce Wayne: That's what I intend to find out.
- Bruce Wayne: And you are?
- The Joker: Oh, just a nameless clown, shuffling my life away.
- Bruce Wayne: Too bad it has to be in such gruesome surroundings.
- The Joker: Don't care for the decor?
- Bruce Wayne: Not hardly. All those horrible faces grinning at me. That would do things to my mind after a while.
- The Joker: [muttering under his breath] Who says you have one?
- [pushing a trolley filled with explosives through the kitchens]
- The Joker: Coming through! Hot stuff!