The Benny Hill Show (TV Series)
Show 32 (1978)
Henry McGee: Self, Announcer, Various Roles
Quotes
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Mortice Carpenter : You see, they had noticed him cuttin' up his mate.
Henry McGee : Uh, why did he cut up his mate?
Mortice Carpenter : To put it into the pot.
Henry McGee : Meat!
Mortice Carpenter : Right, yeah, yeah, and this officer come and he said, "Irish stew."
Henry McGee : Irish stew in the pot?
Mortice Carpenter : Irish stew in the name of the law.
Henry McGee : Why was he arresting you?
Mortice Carpenter : Well, you see, they had found his bacon hot in the pork
Henry McGee : His bacon hot?
Mortice Carpenter : The hot he wears when he goes bakin'. When he bakes.
Henry McGee : Oh, he found his cycling hat in the...
Mortice Carpenter : In the pork.
Henry McGee : Fried pork?
Mortice Carpenter : Hyde pork.
Henry McGee : Hyde park.
Mortice Carpenter : In the booten leak.
Henry McGee : The leaking boot?
Mortice Carpenter : Not the leakin' boot, the booten leak.
Henry McGee : Oh, the boating lake.
Mortice Carpenter : You see, they had seen the wetness.
Henry McGee : The wetness of the hat?
Tennon Carpenter : No, the wetness of the prosecution.
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Henry McGee : Now tell me, what was the first thing you bought when you arrived here?
Mortice Carpenter : Toupées.
Henry McGee : You hardly needed one.
Mortice Carpenter : I did. I was starvin'.
Henry McGee : You were starving, so you bought toupées?
Mortice Carpenter : Aye, two paes. A pae for me and a pae for him.
Henry McGee : Oh, two pies!
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Mortice Carpenter : After that, all that drinking, he wanted to pee.
Henry McGee : He wanted to...
Mortice Carpenter : He wanted to pee, but he couldn't.
Henry McGee : Why - why not?
Mortice Carpenter : He had no money. You can't pee without money.
Henry McGee : He couldn't pay!
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Mortice Carpenter : These two waitresses come over.
Tennon Carpenter : One of 'em had a lovely pear.
Mortice Carpenter : Well they both did. They both did. He wanted to rape one.
Henry McGee : He wanted to...
Mortice Carpenter : He wanted to rape one. He wanted to rape one. I didn't want to rape one. He wanted a rape one. He had a rape one, and I had the un-rape one.
Henry McGee : Oh the un-ripe pear!