The Benny Hill Show (TV Series)

Show 32 (1978)

Jackie Wright: Self, Various Roles

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mortice Carpenter : You see, they had noticed him cuttin' up his mate.

  Henry McGee : Uh, why did he cut up his mate?

  Mortice Carpenter : To put it into the pot.

  Henry McGee : Meat!

  Mortice Carpenter : Right, yeah, yeah, and this officer come and he said, "Irish stew."

  Henry McGee : Irish stew in the pot?

  Mortice Carpenter : Irish stew in the name of the law.

  Henry McGee : Why was he arresting you?

  Mortice Carpenter : Well, you see, they had found his bacon hot in the pork

  Henry McGee : His bacon hot?

  Mortice Carpenter : The hot he wears when he goes bakin'. When he bakes.

  Henry McGee : Oh, he found his cycling hat in the...

  Mortice Carpenter : In the pork.

  Henry McGee : Fried pork?

  Mortice Carpenter : Hyde pork.

  Henry McGee : Hyde park.

  Mortice Carpenter : In the booten leak.

  Henry McGee : The leaking boot?

  Mortice Carpenter : Not the leakin' boot, the booten leak.

  Henry McGee : Oh, the boating lake.

  Mortice Carpenter : You see, they had seen the wetness.

  Henry McGee : The wetness of the hat?

  Tennon Carpenter : No, the wetness of the prosecution.

• Mortice Carpenter : These two waitresses come over.

  Tennon Carpenter : One of 'em had a lovely pear.

  Mortice Carpenter : Well they both did. They both did. He wanted to rape one.

  Henry McGee : He wanted to...

  Mortice Carpenter : He wanted to rape one. He wanted to rape one. I didn't want to rape one. He wanted a rape one. He had a rape one, and I had the un-rape one.

  Henry McGee : Oh the un-ripe pear!

• Mortice Carpenter : Where was he when brains was given out?

  Tennon Carpenter : Gettin' a second handful of mouth.