Black Books (TV Series)

Fever (2002)

Tamsin Greig: Fran

Photos 

Quotes 

• Fran : If I told you the walls of my flat were actually moving in, would you think I was mad?

  Bernard : No, I would ask you to come 'round and look after my small children.

  Fran : Look, if you don't believe me you can come 'round and we'll watch the walls.

  Manny : Don't be ridiculous. You'll be staying in watching the thermometer with me, won't you Bernard?

  Bernard : Oh, I dunno, walls, thermometers, it's an impossible decision. I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.

• Bernard : [Bernard watches a beautiful woman walk by]  Mustn't stare, mustn't stare.

  Fran : You haven't stared at me...

  Bernard : You're my oldest friend. Anyway, you look like you just fell out of a tree.

• Fran : Okay, if I told you that the walls of my flat were actually moving in, would you think that I was strange?

  Bernard : No, I'd ask you to come 'round and look after my small children.

• Fran : You bastard! You nine-sided whore!

• Fran : Just a few hours please? I'm lying there writhing, all sticky and glistening...

  Bernard : Stop. It!

• Manny : Can I sleep at yours?

  Fran : There's no room!

• Bernard : You've got yourself a case, you should get a lawyer.

  Manny : Expensive though. Maybe get someone to pretend to be a lawyer.

  Bernard : Yeah, get someone who's a bit like a lawyer - arrogant, cruel, crooked, a real bastard.

  [Manny and Fran stare at Bernard] 

  Bernard : No, I'm not doing it.

  Fran : Oh, go on! And then when you get a girlfriend, I'll give you a reference! I'll lie, I'll say you were... okay.

  Bernard : Alright, deal.

• Bernard : You're my oldest friend. Don't you think it's about time we admitted how we feel about each other. Just for the summer?

  Fran : No. I don't. I think we should wait.

  Bernard : Until when?

  Fran : Until at least one of us is dead.

• Fran : You can forget your summer bunny, mister.

• Fran : Well if you don't believe me you can come round tonight and we'll watch the wall!

  Manny : Don't be ridiculous;we'll be staying in watching the thermometer,won't we Bernard?

  Bernard : I don't know,it's an impossible choice;walls,thermometers,I just have to hope when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.

• Fran : [to Bernard]  You bastard! You nine-sided whore!

• Fran : Yes, I'm offering you me. To enjoy like an Éclair, or a Day at the Zoo.