Black Books (TV Series)

The Entertainer (2002)

Dylan Moran: Bernard Black

Quotes 

• Bernard : [to Fran]  You! What have you been telling Kate? She thinks I'm the renaissance. I have to go along with all this "reclusive genius" stuff... she's going to be very upset when she finds out I'm a reclusive wanker.

• Fran : What did you say that for? Now he's coming back.

  Bernard : Don't worry. Manny'll pick it up.

  Manny : No he won't. He's on holiday, remember? He'll be watching the test match in bed eating tiramisu with a long spoon.

• Bernard : Where's my cure?

  Manny : It's not my fault you're hungover.

  Bernard : It is your fault! If I lived with a normal person, there wouldn't be so much to blot out.

• Manny : I want the weekend off. I want a life.

  Bernard : This is life! We suffer and slave and expire. That's it!

  Manny : We have needs! Fran wants to learn the piano, I want some time to myself, you want to go out with a girl...

  Bernard : Don't make me laugh... bitterly. Fran will fail, you'll toil your life away, and I'll die alone, upside down on the floor of a pub toilet.

• Bernard : [to Fran]  You! What did you say to Kate? She thinks I'm the renaissance.

• Bernard : You. What did you say to Kate? She thinks I'm the renaissance. She'll think I've lied, I had to go along with all this reclusive genius stuff. She'll be really upset when she finds out I'm a reclusive wanker.

• Bernard : [Manny is practising a Bach Fugue]  Faster. Faster. You're not trying. Feathery strokes, feathery strokes.

  Manny : You just told me to dampen it!

  Bernard : Damp feathers.

• Bernard : Beat it, flaps.