- Buffy Summers: Beer! Buffy want beer.
- Rupert Giles: No. Yo-You can't have beer.
- Buffy Summers: Want... beer.
- Xander Harris: Giles, don't make Cave-Slayer unhappy.
- Rupert Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
- Xander Harris: I didn't know it was evil.
- Rupert Giles: You knew it was beer.
- Xander Harris: Well, excuse me, Mister "I Spent the Sixties in an Electric-Kool-Aid-Funky-Satan Groove."
- Rupert Giles: It was the early seventies and you should know better.
- Willow Rosenberg: Buffy, that is my best friend, you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, *better* men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.
- Xander Harris: Pfft.
- [loudly]
- Xander Harris: Nothing can defeat the penis!
- [Willow and Buffy stare at him]
- Xander Harris: Too loud. Very unseemly.
- Xander Harris: And was there a lesson in all this? Huh? What did we learn about beer?
- Buffy Summers: Foamy!
- Xander Harris: Good. Just as long as that's clear.
- Xander Harris: I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face.
- Willow Rosenberg: Aren't you too young to be a bartender?
- Xander Harris: Au contraire, mon frère.
- Buffy Summers: Mon frère means brother.
- Xander Harris: Mon girl-frère. Behold.
- [holds up a fake ID]
- Willow Rosenberg: I don't believe this is entirely on the up-and-up.
- Xander Harris: What gives it away?
- Willow Rosenberg: Looking at it.
- Xander Harris: Well, no one's gonna see it, anyway. Now *I'm* the bartender. I kick people out.
- [Xander is practicing to be a bartender by listening to Buffy's problems]
- Xander Harris: Ooh, then unload 'em right here, baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it?
- [pause]
- Xander Harris: Shutting up now.
- Willow Rosenberg: I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend who's he's left me with no place to live, no food except for this bottle of Wild Turkey which I drank all up.
- [Xander looks confused]
- Willow Rosenberg: That was me being tanked and friendless for ya.
- Xander Harris: Gets my Oscar nod.
- Oz: Hey, you got a table.
- Willow Rosenberg: I had to kill a man.
- Oz: Well, it's a *really* good table.
- Parker Abrams: Willow... Can I tell you something kind of private?
- Willow Rosenberg: Okay. I mean, I feel you've shown me a perspective I hadn't really thought much about before. What is it you wanted to tell me?
- Parker Abrams: Just... I've enjoyed talking with you. Here, tonight.
- Willow Rosenberg: Me too... I mean, with you. You know, I'm-I'm wondering something. About you.
- Parker Abrams: What?
- Willow Rosenberg: Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean, with your gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly only to me. You're unbelievable!
- [last lines]
- Parker Abrams: Buffy... Buffy, I... I don't know how to say this. I'm sorry for how I treated you before. It was wrong of me and... I'm sorry. You were great tonight, really. I may not deserve this, but... do you think you could forgive me?
- [Buffy knocks him out with a club blow to the head]
- Buffy Summers: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of... badness.
- Willow Rosenberg: You didn't. Not with Parker again.
- Buffy Summers: No. With four really smart guys.
- Willow Rosenberg: Four? Oh... Ow. Oh, Buffy, uh, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?
- Buffy Summers: I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came... beer.
- Willow Rosenberg: Then group sex?
- Buffy Summers: Pfft... gutter-face. No! Just lots and lots of beer.
- [first lines]
- [sees Buffy fighting a vampire]
- Parker Abrams: Buffy?
- Buffy Summers: Parker...? Stay down.
- [as Buffy turns back to the vampire, two more vampires attack Parker]
- Parker Abrams: Buffy!
- [Buffy kills all three vampires]
- Parker Abrams: Buffy... I don't know what to say. After how I've treated you... Now I owe you my life.
- Buffy Summers: It's nothing.
- Parker Abrams: It's everything. You're everything. And I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me... Do you think one day you might?
- [Buffy wakes hearing a girl giggling with Parker]
- Professor Maggie Walsh: These are the things we want... simple things. Comfort, sex, shelter, food. We always want them, and we want them all the time. the Id doesn't learn. It doesn't grow up. It has the Ego telling it what it can't have and it has the Superego telling it what it shouldn't want, but the Id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants.
- [flicks lighter]
- Xander Harris: Rough day...? Come on, Buff. Be a lonely drunk...
- [flicks lighter again]
- Xander Harris: Rough day?
- Buffy Summers: Stop flicking at me.
- Xander Harris: Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your college-y life. No more looking down on the townie.