- Lucille Ball: Where are you from, sir? Havana?
- Various Characters: [alarmed] Havana? What makes you think I'm from Havana?
- Lucille Ball: Well, if it's one thing I know, it's a Cuban accent.
- George Carlin: Remember, for anti-trust or Commie bust, the Department that's just, is really a must! Don't leave your family defenseless. And now, heeeeeeeeere's J. Edgar!
- ['Tonight Show' theme plays]
- Various Characters: [as Ted] I'm afraid the neighbors will talk.
- Lucille Ball: [as Alice] No, they won't.
- Hostess: [as Carol] Why not?
- Lucille Ball: [as Alice] We're the neighbors.
- Hostess: [as Polly] Our gowns! Where are our gowns?
- Lucille Ball: [as Dolly] I took them to the cleaners.
- Hostess: [as Polly] Do you think they're ready?
- Lucille Ball: [as Dolly] They should be. I took them in 1931.