- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [about being held back a grade at school] It's just as bad to skip a grade.
- Carla Tortelli: You skipped a grade, Coach?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Yeah. I skipped four. High school I think they called it.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: What's shakin', Norm?
- Norm Peterson: All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.
- Tommy: Here's your mail.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Oh, thanks.
- Tommy: I'm, uh, afraid they're all bills.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Oh, good. I'll give them to Bill the moment he comes in.
- Tommy: Say, you're not by any chance Cliff Clavin?
- Cliff Clavin: Sure am. You heard of me?
- Tommy: Your name is kind of a symbol around our branch office.
- Cliff Clavin: Is that right?
- Tommy: Yeah. Well, like, just the other day, I messed up, you know, and my supervisor told me to get my head out of my Clavin.
- Sam Malone: I'm going to be staying at my aunt's house and she doesn't believe in unmarried couples sleeping together.
- Diane Chambers: We don't have to sleep together.
- Sam Malone: Why would you be coming then?
- Diane Chambers: It's so late now, you're even going to miss your uncle's funeral tomorrow.
- Sam Malone: Well, just tell me, how do you expect me to enjoy a funeral when you're making me nuts like this?
- Sam Malone: I am on a top secret mission for my country.
- Diane Chambers: You are an idiot.
- Sam Malone: No, no, that's just my cover.