Clueless (TV Series)
Driving Me Crazy (1996)
Michael Lerner: Mel Horowitz
Quotes
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Mel Horowitz : [handing Cher the ignition keys to his brand-new top-of-the-range Mercedes-Benz] Wasn't I just buckling you into a car seat? Ah, you kids! You grow up so fast!
[inside the car:]
Mel Horowitz : You ready?
Cher Horowitz : [nervously] I hope so.
Mel Horowitz : You'll be fine. Now, driving is a straightforward series of actions.
[she nods]
Mel Horowitz : The important thing is to remain calm and focused and to keep your eyes on the road. Now, you start the car,
[points]
Mel Horowitz : adjust your mirror, look behind you, and back out of the driveway.
Cher Horowitz : [smiles] Okay.
[starts engine, adjusts rear-view mirror, and reverses out, not too badly, but heavy on the brakes, and they're still rocking:]
Cher Horowitz : I did it, Daddy! I kept the wheels straight and everything!
Mel Horowitz : [realizing this is not going as smoothly as envisioned] Oh, it's very good, sweetheart, very good.
[the car stands sideways in the middle of the road]
Mel Horowitz : Ah, maybe now you might wanna turn the wheel?
[she reverses, heavy on the brakes again]
Mel Horowitz : Ah, now you might wanna put it in drive?
Cher Horowitz : Oh...
[car pulls away drunkenly, to the tune of Relax, Don't Do it by Frankie Goes to Hollywood]
Mel Horowitz : [thrown backwards and forwards by erratic driving] Sweetheart... maybe... we should talk about braking. Huh?
[strained:]
Mel Horowitz : It's a gradual... depression of the pedal... so that you and your poor passenger doesn't go... through the window...!
Cher Horowitz : [panicked] I can't help it, Daddy! It's the car!
Mel Horowitz : All right! Cher, forget it, forget about... forget about the brake pedal, okay?
Cher Horowitz : Stop yelling at me!
Mel Horowitz : Just drive! Just drive! Here... here...
[she narrowly misses oncoming traffic]
Mel Horowitz : Left! Uh-huh. Right... right... all right, now left, left...
Cher Horowitz : Well, every time you move the wheel, the whole car goes!
Mel Horowitz : Exactly! Stop, Cher!
[they collide with a stop sign that topples over]
Mel Horowitz : I meant stop before you hit the sign!
Cher Horowitz : Oh, Daddy, that sign came out of nowhere! It all happened so fast!
[dejected:]
Cher Horowitz : It's no use, I can't do this!
Mel Horowitz : [exasperated] Never again, Cher! Never again!
[she whines]
-
Mr. Dunny : [waiting for learner driver to pull away] Okay, Cher, the coast is clear, let's go!
[no response]
Mr. Dunny : Cher?
Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Come on, Cher, you are fully capable.
[as Cher stammers an excuse, reminding her:]
Dionne "Dee" Davenport : I did it.
Jasmine : Cher, are you feeling a little un-confident?
Mel Horowitz : [his angry face in Cher's mind] Never again, Cher, never again!
Cher Horowitz : [defeated look] I, uhm... I'm feeling kinda car-sick. I don't think I can drive... today. I can't drive today.
[gets out of the car]