Clueless (TV Series)

Kiss Me Kip (1996)

Elisa Donovan: Amber Mariens

Quotes 

• Cher Horowitz : [opening lines] 

  [as Sean cavorts about, they're coming down the stairs from cinema] 

  Cher Horowitz : Kip Kilmore. I am so smitten. I'm the past tense of smitten. I'm smut.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : He is so come-to-me gorgeous.

  Amber Mariens : I am so totally he's type.

  Cher Horowitz : [sighs]  He is so handsome. And according to the articles, he is such a sweet and good-hearted guy.

  Murray : You guys are all buggin', right? This Kip Kilmore character is nothing but some lights and makeup, all right? I heard, in real life, he's five-two, and this

  [pointing out hairstyle of cardboard display figure] 

  Murray : right here, it's a rug.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : How can you say that about Cher's future potential husband?

  Murray : Cos it's true.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Jealous.

  Murray : I'm not jealous.

  Cher Horowitz : Mm-hmm. Kip wouldn't be fake. He's much too fine a person. Anyway, I happen to know for a fact that he's tall, has sky-blue eyes, and does all his own stunts.

  Sean Holiday : Oh yeah, and how do you know this?

  Cher Horowitz : Because Daddy represents him.

  Amber Mariens : [grabbing her arm]  Oh my God, you've met Kip Kilmore? Tell me, tell me everything! Was he wearing a jacket?

  Cher Horowitz : I know what movie he's doing next.

  Amber Mariens : You have to tell us.

  Sean Holiday : Come on, spill it!

  Cher Horowitz : He's gonna star in the movie version of the Tarantula.

  Sean Holiday : The comic book? Oh God! If anyone can be the Tarantula, it would be Kip Kilmore! Unless, of course, they cast me!

  [goes through exaggerated action routine] 

• Cher Horowitz : [eating lunch at school, surveying scandal sheet]  He is so sensitive! This must be so hard for him!

  [patting Dee on the arm, imploring:] 

  Cher Horowitz : We can't give up!

  Amber Mariens : [coming over]  Did you guys see about those two deranged fans stalking Kip Kilmore?

  Cher Horowitz : [scoffs]  Did it ever occur to you that maybe they are not stalking him and they are just trying to help?

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Not that we'd know or anything.

  [Cher echoes this with an innocent giggle] 

  Amber Mariens : [shrugs]  Whatever.

  [walks away] 

• Amber Mariens : [regarding the rime of The Ancient Mariner]  Mr. Hall, I think it's like this Alaia I bought last year, and I have never worn, and it just hangs in my closet, because every time I go to put it on, the color is like... mud. I... I know exactly how the poor mariner must have felt.

  [sits down] 

  Mr. Hall : [the class doesn't get it]  Let's just go back to the poem. Oh, and now, let's not forget our special little rule.

  [Sean has a portable TV] 

  Mr. Hall : No General Hospital while we're in session.

  Sean Holiday : But... but Mr. Hall, we need to know if Jax is gonna stay with Brenda after his secret marriage to Miranda has been revealed. You see, it's just now getting juicy.

  Amber Mariens : Yeah.

  Mr. Hall : [undeterred, reading from the book]  It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three...

  Cher Horowitz : [voiceover]  While Mr. Hall was droning on and on about a guy with a dead sea-gull around his neck, I couldn't take my mind off poor Kip.

  Kip Killmore : [Cher's daydream, awards ceremony]  And I never would have gotten here if Cher Horowitz hadn't warned me about Summer. And showed me what true, selfless love really meant. Mrs. Kilmore...

  [extending his trophy towards her] 

  Kip Killmore : This one's for you.

  Cher Horowitz : [thinks:]  Oh, he's so flawless. I wonder where he is right now?

  [consults the appointment book, pulls in her breath] 

  Cher Horowitz : He's with Daddy! I wonder what they're meeting about? It must be something really selfless and heroic.

• Murray : Woman, I've got some signals for you to memorize.

  Sean Holiday : Yeah.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Murray, we told you, we have adult, mature things to do.

  Sean Holiday : [taunting]  Oh, that's right. I can't believe that hussy is making Kip cast her as the Black Widow. She cannot act. That is so calculating.

  Murray : Dude...

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : [to Murray]  I told you it is highly classified.

  Murray : Oh, come on, he's my best bud. He's got top security clearance.

  Cher Horowitz : Guys, if you'll excuse us...

  [gets up] 

  Cher Horowitz : Dee and I have an emergency plan to put into action.

  Amber Mariens : [arriving]  Ooh, where did you get that yummy Italian leather date-book?

  [grabs it] 

  Cher Horowitz : Amber, give me that!

  Amber Mariens : Why, what's the big deal? Yours is probably empty.

  [smirks, peeks, inhales breath sharply] 

  Amber Mariens : Kip Kilmore?

  Cher Horowitz : Amber, that's private.

  Amber Mariens : [gasps]  He is going to be at Beluga tonight. Nobody is to be there.

  Cher Horowitz : [snatches back the date-book]  He needs his privacy.

• Kip Killmore : [inside the restaurant]  Look, Summer, I'm really sorry, I have no idea how all these people knew that we were gonna be here.

  Summer Bonet : Oh, I don't care.

  [little laugh] 

  Summer Bonet : You know, it's just I wanted to be alone with you, you know, so we could talk about your future and, uh, that contract... cos you know that I care so much about you... and you definitely need a guardian to take care of all that talent.

  Kip Killmore : Yeah. And no one else cares about my talent.

  [she giggles] 

  Cher Horowitz : [voiceover]  All I could do was watch helplessly as Summer weaved her vixen web, and then suddenly an even more hideous obstacle.

  Amber Mariens : [arriving]  Uhm, Kip,

  [gushes] 

  Amber Mariens : I really hate to bother you, but... would you mind if I had a picture with you?

  Kip Killmore : Hey, sure.

  [Summer scowls] 

  Kip Killmore : Ah, but just... just one.

• Amber Mariens : [faked coughing]  Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm just... really allergic to cheap perfume.

  [to Summer:] 

  Amber Mariens : Could you just create some distance so that I can breathe?

  Summer Bonet : [seething]  I'll be at the bar.

  [leaves] 

  Kip Killmore : [going after her]  Summer! Summer, wait!

  Cher Horowitz : [voiceover]  This was it! Amber had unwittingly created my window of opportunity.

  Kip Killmore : [catching up to Summer]  Listen...

  Cher Horowitz : [closing in]  Excuse me...

  Kip Killmore : [stopping in his tracks]  It's you!

  Cher Horowitz : Hello...?

  Kip Killmore : Summer, this is the girl that's been causing me all those problems.

  [cellphone in hand, pointing at Cher:] 

  Kip Killmore : Stay!

  [on phone:] 

  Kip Killmore : Mel? Kip. Listen, I want you to take out a restraining order on this teenager. Oh, she's blond, about fifteen, and never leaves a person alone! Yeah? Yeah?

  [to Cher:] 

  Kip Killmore : Is your name Cher?

  Cher Horowitz : [takes the phone from him]  Hi, Daddy. Sorry, I'm going to fix this, and I will call you right back.

  Kip Killmore : You're Mel's daughter?

  Cher Horowitz : Yeah. And there's something I think you should hear.

  Summer Bonet : [on tape]  "And I told you that I am playing the female lead in Tarantula, even if Kip has to stop production to make..."

  [she tries to grab the device] 

  Summer Bonet : Give me that!

  [recording continues:] 

  Summer Bonet : "I mean, come on, he's a two-bit hack! He's so dumb, he's gonna do whatever I tell him to."

  [to Kip:] 

  Summer Bonet : Kip! Kip, it was just negotiating, you know? I... I was playing hardball.

  Kip Killmore : [stunned]  You called me... a hack.

  Summer Bonet : Yeah. Well, I mean... it was, it was a tactic, you know, a strategy.

  Kip Killmore : You know what, Summer? I don't think this relationship is exactly what I thought it was. I think you'd better leave.

  Summer Bonet : Fine, if that's the way you want it after everything that I have done for you.

  [turns, glares at Cher, scoffs, leaves] 

  Cher Horowitz : [to Kip, who is looking at her with new eyes]  I know I have been such a mosquito, but I just had to warn you.