Clueless (TV Series)

Kiss Me Kip (1996)

Donald Faison: Murray

Quotes 

• Cher Horowitz : [opening lines] 

  [as Sean cavorts about, they're coming down the stairs from cinema] 

  Cher Horowitz : Kip Kilmore. I am so smitten. I'm the past tense of smitten. I'm smut.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : He is so come-to-me gorgeous.

  Amber Mariens : I am so totally he's type.

  Cher Horowitz : [sighs]  He is so handsome. And according to the articles, he is such a sweet and good-hearted guy.

  Murray : You guys are all buggin', right? This Kip Kilmore character is nothing but some lights and makeup, all right? I heard, in real life, he's five-two, and this

  [pointing out hairstyle of cardboard display figure] 

  Murray : right here, it's a rug.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : How can you say that about Cher's future potential husband?

  Murray : Cos it's true.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Jealous.

  Murray : I'm not jealous.

  Cher Horowitz : Mm-hmm. Kip wouldn't be fake. He's much too fine a person. Anyway, I happen to know for a fact that he's tall, has sky-blue eyes, and does all his own stunts.

  Sean Holiday : Oh yeah, and how do you know this?

  Cher Horowitz : Because Daddy represents him.

  Amber Mariens : [grabbing her arm]  Oh my God, you've met Kip Kilmore? Tell me, tell me everything! Was he wearing a jacket?

  Cher Horowitz : I know what movie he's doing next.

  Amber Mariens : You have to tell us.

  Sean Holiday : Come on, spill it!

  Cher Horowitz : He's gonna star in the movie version of the Tarantula.

  Sean Holiday : The comic book? Oh God! If anyone can be the Tarantula, it would be Kip Kilmore! Unless, of course, they cast me!

  [goes through exaggerated action routine] 

• Cher Horowitz : [as they speed along in Murray's BMW]  Remember, Murray, you're sworn to secrecy about this date-book. If anyone found out, it could be like plutonium falling into the hands of Beavis and Butt-head.

  Murray : Did it ever occur to you guys that nobody cares that much about Kip Kilmore one way or the other?

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : How could you say a thing like that?

  Cher Horowitz : Obviously, you did not see him on Letterman when he got a complete standing ovation for carrying that huge cauldron of soup delivered to... He's heroic and caring. We have to find him and play him that tape!

• Murray : Dee, you're gonna be my short-stop. Because your low to the ground, you got speed, and you got soft hands. Cher, you're gonna be third base, because you're a thinker, you anticipate, you're a leader.

  Sean Holiday : Plus, you guys will be closer on the field, so if you feel that female need to gossip, you could do it without disturbing the game.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Murray, what are you talking about?

  Sean Holiday : Coed softball starts Sunday. We're gonna slaughter Toluca Lake! Give it to me!

  [high-fives Murray] 

  Cher Horowitz : Boys, boys, this is really nice, but we don't have time for childish games.

  [Dee shakes her head] 

  Cher Horowitz : There must be some other girls you can ask.

  Sean Holiday : We don't want to.

  Murray : Well, we want to,

  [Dee takes an annoyed swipe at him] 

  Murray : but, heck...

  Sean Holiday : You're the only ones who can actually play.

  Cher Horowitz : That's really sweet...

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : ...but we're too busy right now.

  Sean Holiday : [disappointed]  I see.

  Murray : [rises]  Okay.

  Sean Holiday : [follows]  I see.

  Murray : Fine.

  [leaves] 

  Sean Holiday : Take that!

  [plays prank on Murray and passerby] 

  Cher Horowitz : High school boys just seem so immature next to someone like Kip.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : I know.

  Cher Horowitz : I wonder when we can see him.

  [consults appointment book] 

  Cher Horowitz : Dee, look, Kip is shooting Tarantula at the studio lot at five o'clock! We can see him in between takes!

• Murray : Woman, I've got some signals for you to memorize.

  Sean Holiday : Yeah.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Murray, we told you, we have adult, mature things to do.

  Sean Holiday : [taunting]  Oh, that's right. I can't believe that hussy is making Kip cast her as the Black Widow. She cannot act. That is so calculating.

  Murray : Dude...

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : [to Murray]  I told you it is highly classified.

  Murray : Oh, come on, he's my best bud. He's got top security clearance.

  Cher Horowitz : Guys, if you'll excuse us...

  [gets up] 

  Cher Horowitz : Dee and I have an emergency plan to put into action.

  Amber Mariens : [arriving]  Ooh, where did you get that yummy Italian leather date-book?

  [grabs it] 

  Cher Horowitz : Amber, give me that!

  Amber Mariens : Why, what's the big deal? Yours is probably empty.

  [smirks, peeks, inhales breath sharply] 

  Amber Mariens : Kip Kilmore?

  Cher Horowitz : Amber, that's private.

  Amber Mariens : [gasps]  He is going to be at Beluga tonight. Nobody is to be there.

  Cher Horowitz : [snatches back the date-book]  He needs his privacy.