Clueless (TV Series)

Kiss Me Kip (1996)

Sean Holland: Sean Holiday

Quotes 

• Cher Horowitz : [opening lines] 

  [as Sean cavorts about, they're coming down the stairs from cinema] 

  Cher Horowitz : Kip Kilmore. I am so smitten. I'm the past tense of smitten. I'm smut.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : He is so come-to-me gorgeous.

  Amber Mariens : I am so totally he's type.

  Cher Horowitz : [sighs]  He is so handsome. And according to the articles, he is such a sweet and good-hearted guy.

  Murray : You guys are all buggin', right? This Kip Kilmore character is nothing but some lights and makeup, all right? I heard, in real life, he's five-two, and this

  [pointing out hairstyle of cardboard display figure] 

  Murray : right here, it's a rug.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : How can you say that about Cher's future potential husband?

  Murray : Cos it's true.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Jealous.

  Murray : I'm not jealous.

  Cher Horowitz : Mm-hmm. Kip wouldn't be fake. He's much too fine a person. Anyway, I happen to know for a fact that he's tall, has sky-blue eyes, and does all his own stunts.

  Sean Holiday : Oh yeah, and how do you know this?

  Cher Horowitz : Because Daddy represents him.

  Amber Mariens : [grabbing her arm]  Oh my God, you've met Kip Kilmore? Tell me, tell me everything! Was he wearing a jacket?

  Cher Horowitz : I know what movie he's doing next.

  Amber Mariens : You have to tell us.

  Sean Holiday : Come on, spill it!

  Cher Horowitz : He's gonna star in the movie version of the Tarantula.

  Sean Holiday : The comic book? Oh God! If anyone can be the Tarantula, it would be Kip Kilmore! Unless, of course, they cast me!

  [goes through exaggerated action routine] 

• Murray : Dee, you're gonna be my short-stop. Because your low to the ground, you got speed, and you got soft hands. Cher, you're gonna be third base, because you're a thinker, you anticipate, you're a leader.

  Sean Holiday : Plus, you guys will be closer on the field, so if you feel that female need to gossip, you could do it without disturbing the game.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Murray, what are you talking about?

  Sean Holiday : Coed softball starts Sunday. We're gonna slaughter Toluca Lake! Give it to me!

  [high-fives Murray] 

  Cher Horowitz : Boys, boys, this is really nice, but we don't have time for childish games.

  [Dee shakes her head] 

  Cher Horowitz : There must be some other girls you can ask.

  Sean Holiday : We don't want to.

  Murray : Well, we want to,

  [Dee takes an annoyed swipe at him] 

  Murray : but, heck...

  Sean Holiday : You're the only ones who can actually play.

  Cher Horowitz : That's really sweet...

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : ...but we're too busy right now.

  Sean Holiday : [disappointed]  I see.

  Murray : [rises]  Okay.

  Sean Holiday : [follows]  I see.

  Murray : Fine.

  [leaves] 

  Sean Holiday : Take that!

  [plays prank on Murray and passerby] 

  Cher Horowitz : High school boys just seem so immature next to someone like Kip.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : I know.

  Cher Horowitz : I wonder when we can see him.

  [consults appointment book] 

  Cher Horowitz : Dee, look, Kip is shooting Tarantula at the studio lot at five o'clock! We can see him in between takes!

• Amber Mariens : [regarding the rime of The Ancient Mariner]  Mr. Hall, I think it's like this Alaia I bought last year, and I have never worn, and it just hangs in my closet, because every time I go to put it on, the color is like... mud. I... I know exactly how the poor mariner must have felt.

  [sits down] 

  Mr. Hall : [the class doesn't get it]  Let's just go back to the poem. Oh, and now, let's not forget our special little rule.

  [Sean has a portable TV] 

  Mr. Hall : No General Hospital while we're in session.

  Sean Holiday : But... but Mr. Hall, we need to know if Jax is gonna stay with Brenda after his secret marriage to Miranda has been revealed. You see, it's just now getting juicy.

  Amber Mariens : Yeah.

  Mr. Hall : [undeterred, reading from the book]  It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three...

  Cher Horowitz : [voiceover]  While Mr. Hall was droning on and on about a guy with a dead sea-gull around his neck, I couldn't take my mind off poor Kip.

  Kip Killmore : [Cher's daydream, awards ceremony]  And I never would have gotten here if Cher Horowitz hadn't warned me about Summer. And showed me what true, selfless love really meant. Mrs. Kilmore...

  [extending his trophy towards her] 

  Kip Killmore : This one's for you.

  Cher Horowitz : [thinks:]  Oh, he's so flawless. I wonder where he is right now?

  [consults the appointment book, pulls in her breath] 

  Cher Horowitz : He's with Daddy! I wonder what they're meeting about? It must be something really selfless and heroic.

• Murray : Woman, I've got some signals for you to memorize.

  Sean Holiday : Yeah.

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Murray, we told you, we have adult, mature things to do.

  Sean Holiday : [taunting]  Oh, that's right. I can't believe that hussy is making Kip cast her as the Black Widow. She cannot act. That is so calculating.

  Murray : Dude...

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : [to Murray]  I told you it is highly classified.

  Murray : Oh, come on, he's my best bud. He's got top security clearance.

  Cher Horowitz : Guys, if you'll excuse us...

  [gets up] 

  Cher Horowitz : Dee and I have an emergency plan to put into action.

  Amber Mariens : [arriving]  Ooh, where did you get that yummy Italian leather date-book?

  [grabs it] 

  Cher Horowitz : Amber, give me that!

  Amber Mariens : Why, what's the big deal? Yours is probably empty.

  [smirks, peeks, inhales breath sharply] 

  Amber Mariens : Kip Kilmore?

  Cher Horowitz : Amber, that's private.

  Amber Mariens : [gasps]  He is going to be at Beluga tonight. Nobody is to be there.

  Cher Horowitz : [snatches back the date-book]  He needs his privacy.

• [last lines] 

  Kip Killmore : [in restaurant]  Well, you... you had a good motive. Listen, since... since you're here, and I have no one to eat dinner with, uhm, would you like to join me?

  Cher Horowitz : [little jump of excitement]  Oh, really? Oh, sure! Uhm...

  [grabbing hold of herself] 

  Cher Horowitz : Okay. Yeah, sure.

  [as they sit down for meal, voiceover:] 

  Cher Horowitz : I tried to act totally norm like having dinner with a legend was no big deal, but I was freaking.

  Kip Killmore : So...

  Cher Horowitz : So, do you do any of your own stunts?

  Kip Killmore : Oh, yeah. Tons. Like, every time you see me walking, like, really fast in a movie,

  [gestures, making whistling sound, laughs] 

  Kip Killmore : well, that's me.

  Cher Horowitz : [her enthusiasm already dampened]  Oh, cool... So, didn't you get to travel to a bunch of really exotic places, I mean, Paris and Tahiti and the Arab Emirates?

  [dreamily, expecting romance:] 

  Cher Horowitz : Oh, what was Paris like? Was it romantic?

  Kip Killmore : [studying his own arms, total egotist]  Do these cuts look defined to you?

  Cher Horowitz : Uhm, they're awesome.

  Kip Killmore : [bitterly]  Or are they the cuts of a hack?

  Cher Horowitz : No! No! So, when you're not making movies, what do you do with your friends?

  Kip Killmore : Well, I've kinda been too busy to make too many friends. Actually, to be honest, I find it hard to meet anyone who's more interesting than me.

  [laughs] 

  Cher Horowitz : [disillusioned, voiceover]  I suddenly realized maybe Kip wasn't so perfect or deep or even vaguely interesting. How did I do so poorly on my love SATs? Hanging with him would be like hanging with that Ancient Mariner guy, only Kip would be the dead sea-gull. In the end, I would much rather be hanging with my own real friends.

  Sean Holiday : [scene shifts, Cher is playing softball with her buddies]  Okay, Cher, you rock! Keep your eyes on the ball, make me proud, come on, make me proud!

  [everybody having big fun]