Michael Lerner: Mel Horowitz

Quotes 

• Cher Horowitz : [opening lines] 

  [voiceover] 

  Cher Horowitz : It was a beautiful day, with only a second-stage smog alert.

  Mel Horowitz : [as Cher is pouring tea for Dad's breakfast, he is on cellphone]  I'm telling you for the last time, I want that deposition today!

  Cher Horowitz : [voiceover continues]  I was in Beverly Hills with my Daddy, and it's my job to take care of him, since Mom died when I was just a baby.

  Mel Horowitz : [hastily eating on the run]  How come these eggs have no taste?

  Cher Horowitz : It's just the whites. Daddy, the Hart Disease Gala Ball is in two weeks. Now, should we get the Gold pager package, or the Diamond Jubilee ticket?

  Mel Horowitz : Cher, this case is taking up all my time. We can't go to a ball this year.

  Cher Horowitz : But it's for such a good cause. And they're making monster strides in hypertension research.

  Mel Horowitz : [as he leaves hurriedly]  Just send a contribution.

  Cher Horowitz : [going after him]  Daddy, heart disease is the leading killer of Americans. And they always have a wicked band.

  [door slams shut as her Dad leaves, and her shoulders drop] 

• Cher Horowitz : [coming home late in the evening]  Hi, Daddy! I told Lizzie to make the stew you like for dinner!

  Mel Horowitz : Where have you been?

  Cher Horowitz : Oh, why? It's, like, a school day. I guess I was at school.

  Mel Horowitz : [glancing at her shopping bags]  I suppose Barney's opened an outlet at your school?

  Cher Horowitz : Well, I made a quick pit-stop for a few necessities.

  Mel Horowitz : Necessities? Come here, Cher, let me see these necessities.

  [inspecting her purchases, taking out a pair of pink platform heels] 

  Mel Horowitz : Don't you have these exact same shoes?

  Cher Horowitz : Excuse me, but these have a pearlized finish. The other ones are patent leather.

  Mel Horowitz : What's wrong with patent leather?

  Cher Horowitz : [scoffs]  They were, like, screaming 1995. It was totally embarrassing.

  Mel Horowitz : That's it! Shoes do not scream what year it is. This shopping addiction of yours has got to stop!

  Cher Horowitz : But, Daddy...

  Mel Horowitz : From now on, no more pit-stops on Rodeo, no visits to the mall, no little hikes along Melrose... I'm putting you on a budget!

  Cher Horowitz : [horrified]  A budget?