- Coach Hayden Fox: I've got to wear a cooling device in my pants in Minnesota in the middle of winter!
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: They pay for that? When I give blood, all I get is a glass of juice and a couple of fig newtons.
- Dauber Dybinski: The sperm bank gives me 30 bucks a visit. Hey, that extra 9 grand came in handy.
- Lab Technician: The sperm is delivered frozen. It can either be administered by the woman's doctor or she can choose to do it herself.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Should she defrost it first?
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: [looking at sperm donor profiles] Here we go, international businessman. He's got an IQ of 145, curly red hair...
- Coach Hayden Fox: No no, don't want a kid with curly red hair.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: What's wrong with curly red hair?
- Coach Hayden Fox: That's okay if it's a girl. If it's a boy, he's just gonna get beat up all the time.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: Okay, how about a nuclear physicist?
- Coach Hayden Fox: Mutated genes.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist?
- Coach Hayden Fox: Alcoholic.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: Mathematics professor?
- Coach Hayden Fox: Nope. Chalk in his hair, can't remember his own phone number.