The Critic (TV Series)

A Day at the Races and a Night at the Opera (1994)

Jon Lovitz: Jay Sherman

Quotes 

• [Duke has just revamped Jay's show in an attempt to raise ratings, with Jay acting as a ventriloquist's dummy] 

  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar : Welcome to "Coming Attractions." I'm Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and this is Little Knothead.

  Jay Sherman : This is so demeaning. I have a PhD in film!

  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar : Okay, Dr. Knothead, why don't you sing "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" while I drink a glass of water.

  Jay Sherman : [singing]  John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt / That's my name too! I spit in the water.

  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar : [spits water]  Knothead!

  Franklin Sherman : [the Shermans are watching]  Didn't we used to have a Knothead doll?

  Eleanor Sherman : That was our son!

• Jay Sherman : So... Ardeth... How's my favorite ex-wife?

  Ardeth : The judge says every time you speak to me it'll cost you a hundred dollars.

  Jay Sherman : Here's TWO hundred. Get bent!

• Jay Sherman : Musicians don't have to be handsome, and do they get beautiful women? Let me say just two words to you: Lyle Lovett.

  Marty Sherman : I thought he was handsome.

  Jay Sherman : No, you're thinking of Jon Lovitz, and I agree. With his sephardic good looks, he takes the cake.

• Jay Sherman : Mom, Dad, I never made you laugh?

  Franklin : Well, I did chuckle a bit when you tried to eat that bird and fell over the cliff.

  Eleanor : No, Franklin, that was the Roadrunner.

  Jay Sherman : No, that was me.

• [Jay gets struck in the head with a shotput] 

  Jay Sherman : Skull cracked... Brains leaking out... Can't wait to see new Chevy Chase movie...