The Critic (TV Series)

All the Duke's Men (1995)

Maurice LaMarche: Principal Mangosuthu, Jeremy Hawke, Various Characters

Quotes 

• Duke Phillips : I'm Duke Phillips, and from now on I'm speaking my own mind. First, I'll tell you what I'm really going to do as president. I'll run this country like I run my company. I'm going raid the pension fund, dump chemicals in the oceans, and sell our best assets to the Japanese.

  Ronald Reagan : Ooh! Looks like Reaganomics is making a comeback.

  Duke Phillips : Half of you states are in the toilet, and you're not coming out! New York, you know what I'm talking about. California, kiss your smoggy butt goodbye! New England, you're going back to Old England.

  Queen Elizabeth : Oh, I don't want that.

  Prince Charles : More poison? I mean, tea?

  Queen Elizabeth : Ah, don't mind if I do. You almost had me there.

  [She hits him over the head with her scepter, knocking him unconscious] 

  Duke Phillips : Well, that's my speech, now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put on some leather and go get spanked. Vote for Duke. Good night.

• Marty Sherman : But all they want to do is goof off and eat candy.

  Jay Sherman : Well, son, as President, you're above that.

  [remembers Ronald Reagan being sworn in] 

  Ronald Reagan : I do solemnly swear that as your President, I will goof off and eat candy.

  [falls asleep at podium] 

  Crowd : Four more years! Four more years!

• Jay Sherman : Now, let's take a look at the new musical from Francis Ford Coppola: Apocalypse Wow!

  Colonel Walter E. Kurtz : [singing]  Howdy Doo! I'm Colonel Kurtz. Fat and Bald like old Fred Murtz. Watch me do a Hula Dance. To shake the egg rolls from my pants

  [Performs a Hula dance as egg rolls fall from his pants] 

  Severed Heads on Implanted Spears : [singing]  He's not so bad, he's really just an odd man.

  Colonel Walter E. Kurtz : [singing]  And I've shaved my head like Dennis Rodman.

  Photojournalist : [singing]  He's a god, man!

  Duke Phillips : [Appearing in Apocalypse Wow]  Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke!... VOTE FOR DUKE!

  Jay Sherman : Get that off my show!