The Critic (TV Series)

Siskel & Ebert & Jay & Alice (1995)

Roger Ebert: Roger Ebert

Quotes 

• Gene Siskel : Well, I thought that film was very poignant. Particularly the scene where Tom Cruise walks around Las Vegas with a bucket full of his brother.

  Roger Ebert : Aw, c'mon, Gene. That was just another pointless sequel that didn't have to be made.

  Gene Siskel : This, from the man who liked 'Benji the Hunted?'

  Roger Ebert : Hey, you liked 'Carnosaur!'

  Gene Siskel : Well I'll bet you'll like this!

  [punches are thrown, Siskel grabs a bottle, smashes it in half and points it at Ebert] 

  Gene Siskel : Hasta la vista, Porky!

  Roger Ebert : Cue ball in the side pocket!

  [punches thrown] 

• [Jay plays his answering machine] 

  Gene Siskel : [on machine]  Hey, Jay! It's Gene Siskel. I've decided I'd like YOU to be my partner. Let me know if you're game so I can tell Rex Reed to get lost.

  [beep] 

  Roger Ebert : [on machine]  Jay, it's Roger Ebert. How'd you like to be my new partner? Give me a call so I can get Rex Reed out of my hair.

  [beep] 

  Rex Reed : [on machine]  Jay, it's Rex Reed. I don't care if you got the job. I've got a NEW partner.

  [a monkey screeches on the tape] 

  Rex Reed : [on machine, proudly]  That's right, Pauline Kael!

• Roger Ebert : [Showing Jay a photo album]  Here's Gene and me on Splash Mountain. Here we are winning the three-legged-race. And here's the Halloween we went as Ernie and Bert.

  Jay Sherman : Shouldn't we get to work?

  Roger Ebert : Sure, Gene. Anything you say.

  Jay Sherman : You called me Gene.

  Roger Ebert : I'm sorry, Gene. I'll never do it again... Gene.

  Jay Sherman : My name is Jay, and I need some air!

  [Runs off sobbing] 

  Jay Sherman : I'm not Gene!

• [after Jay organizes Siskel and Ebert's reconciliation and the lights in the building opposite the Empire State Building illuminate into the shape of a pink heart] 

  Roger Ebert : Oh, this is just a rip-off of Sleepless in Seattle.

  Gene Siskel : Which was in itself a rip-off of An Affair to Remember.

  Roger Ebert , Gene Siskel : Which wasn't that good of a movie to start with.

• Gene Siskel : [singing]  The Moonlight on his hair.

  Roger Ebert : [singing]  The Twinkle in his eye.

  Gene Siskel : [singing]  The Way he said 'Thumbs Up'.

  Roger Ebert : [singing]  The Way he said 'Thumbs Down'.

  Gene Siskel , Roger Ebert : [singing together]  The Way he said 'Goodbye... '