The Critic (TV Series)

Siskel & Ebert & Jay & Alice (1995)

Jon Lovitz: Jay Sherman

Quotes 

• [Jay is trying out to be Siskel's new partner] 

  Gene Siskel : Ok, let's try a take. Wait, something's wrong. You don't look right. Try on this wig.

  [Puts a gray wig on Jay] 

  Jay Sherman : What?

  Gene Siskel : Now, the glasses.

  [Puts a pair of glasses on Jay] 

  Jay Sherman : You're making me look like Roger.

  Gene Siskel : Just do what I say!

  Jay Sherman : Dammit, Gene! I'm not Roger! I'm never gonna be Roger! I wish I were!

  [Runs off sobbing] 

• Roger Ebert : [Showing Jay a photo album]  Here's Gene and me on Splash Mountain. Here we are winning the three-legged-race. And here's the Halloween we went as Ernie and Bert.

  Jay Sherman : Shouldn't we get to work?

  Roger Ebert : Sure, Gene. Anything you say.

  Jay Sherman : You called me Gene.

  Roger Ebert : I'm sorry, Gene. I'll never do it again... Gene.

  Jay Sherman : My name is Jay, and I need some air!

  [Runs off sobbing] 

  Jay Sherman : I'm not Gene!

• Jay Sherman : [Rips the foil of an Oscar, revealing chocolate]  Now I want one more than ever!