- Calamity Jane: Get out of my fuckin' light!
- Mose Manuel: It's me.
- Calamity Jane: Who's me, the fuckin' eclipse?
- Mose Manuel: Mose Manuel.
- Calamity Jane: Oh really? I thought it was Giganto, the runaway circus elephant.
- Mose Manuel: Ms. Stubbs' been lookin' for you. Those kids need chaperonin' to the new schoolhouse, Jane!
- Calamity Jane: [covering her ears with liquor bottles] I cannot hear you, nor can I see you, any longer.
- Mose Manuel: [grabs her roughly and turns her over] You fuckin' drunken slob!
- [Jane screams, and Mose loosens his grip]
- Mose Manuel: Get up and walk them kids.
- Calamity Jane: Okay Giganto! Don't tusk me to death with your tusks. How long do I have to assemble myself?
- Mose Manuel: They'll be ready to go in a few minutes.
- Calamity Jane: Shut up!
- Jack Langrishe: The blessed Miss Stubbs, whose bust is so very prominent in the mind's pantheon of the camp.
- Joanie Stubbs: Some not 50 yards from us will put these of mine to shame.
- Al Swearengen: Check out that sow Tina, Doc, when the opportunity presents. That ain't the whiff of roses when she passes.
- Doc Cochran: I'm guessin' that your bottom rib is cracked, and this contusion at your belly'll show the colors of the rainbow before it's through with ya.
- A. W. Merrick: Apparently, my expiration is not imminent.
- Doc Cochran: Of course, I'm wrong as much as I am right...
- [Sheriff Bullock has imprisoned one of the Pinkertons. Johnny knocks on the door of Utter Freight, apparently to summon Bullock to a meeting with Al]
- Johnny Burns: Sheriff?
- Seth Bullock: Tell him I ain't comin' for his lecture. Tell him I don't need it. Tell him if my temper was gonna get the best of me, this cocksucker's brains'd be on the floor. Tell him I've got it, alright? Tell him I'm on top of it.
- [Johnny nods and leaves]
- Silas Adams: The top of my to-do list every morning, and every day gets away from me.
- Cy Tolliver: Anyways, here you are.
- Silas Adams: Here I am. Al's delegate, as far as him and you deal with Mr. Hearst.
- Cy Tolliver: Will you still if invited to sit or will it take me offering a meal?
- Silas Adams: I'd sooner not sit, sir, and already et. Only asking, ought I bear a message to Al?
- Cy Tolliver: Nothing comes to mind.
- Silas Adams: Horsemen come to camp by torchlight last night.
- Cy Tolliver: Tell Al as we didn't wake to the apocalypse, I suppose all we need fear is their Winchesters.
- Hugo Jarry: [discussing votes of soldiers relocated for the purpose of voting in a special election] These votes will support candidates of your preference in each office, Mr Hearst, as if cast by you yourself. My stringent instruction from Governor Pennington is to convey, upon my return, a confirmation, in your hand, that... that we have had this conversation
- George Hearst: Then the governor in turn confirms the rumour he's a moron