- [Sally discovers a single red rose in her desk]
- Rob Petrie: I think you've got a secret admirer, huh?
- Sally Rogers: Secret admirer?
- Buddy Sorrell: Yeah, you know, like those guys who send, uh, a dozen roses to chorus girls.
- Sally Rogers: Yeah, but I'm not a chorus girl.
- Buddy Sorrell: That's why you only got one.
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, there he is, the guy with enough foreheads for four heads.
- Mel Cooley: I have no time for your insults.
- Buddy Sorrell: [brightly] We can do it later.
- Sally Rogers: Bert, uh, did you say you know about who left the rose here? Did you see the guy?
- Bert Monker: It was a little token of love to the Cleopatra of Comedy from the Caesar of Sandwiches, to the Juliet of Jokes from the Romeo of Rye. Don't... don't you know who?
- Bert Monker: What is Rock Huson gonna give ya? Heartache.
- Buddy Sorrell: Yeah, what do we get from your sandwiches? Heartburn.
- Sally Rogers: And, um, thank you very, very much for the rose.
- Bert Monker: Did... Did you really like it?
- Sally Rogers: LIKE it? I'm gonna take this rose home and crush it between two pieces of rye bread.
- Sally Rogers: That's the story of my life. I'm surrounded by funny guys. You know, just once, just once, I'd like to meet a guy who only knew one punch line, "Will you mary me?"
- Buddy Sorrell: That's a straight line.
- Sally Rogers: I'll take it. No, I mean it, I mean it. I don't care, even if he's not in show business or knows nothing about comedy, is a dull, bland, unfunny guy.
- Buddy Sorrell: [to Mel] Don't just stand there - volunteer.
- Rob Petrie: [seeing their typed script pages rejected] Did Alan, uh, crumple those?
- Sally Rogers: Yep, that's Alan's crumple.
- Bert Monker: You know somthin', I... I, uh... I had a birthday last week.
- Sally Rogers: Oh, really? Why didn't you tell us?
- Bert Monker: Well, when a man gets to be my age, he... doesn't like to tell. It's a shock to his system.
- Sally Rogers: Yeah, I know. I had that shock the first time I was twenty-nine.
- Rob Petrie: Well, I guess I'll call Laura and tell her to start dinner without me.
- Buddy Sorrell: I better call Pickles and tell her to start fighting without me.
- Sally Rogers: Nah, it's just like my Aunt Agnes always says, "It's better to get a rose from a casual friend than to get a can of succotash from a hoodlum."
- Rob Petrie: Hey, wait a minute. This rose DOES have kind of a manly smell about it. What... what is it, Buddy?
- Buddy Sorrell: [smelling Sally's rose] Pastrami.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah. That's what it is. It's pastrami.
- Sally Rogers: Well, there's our first clue. My secret admirer loves pastrami.
- Buddy Sorrell: Either that or this flower was pollinated by a kosher bee.
- Sally Rogers: [trying to learn the source of her rose] Mel, Mel? Um, you have a garden, don't you?
- Mel Cooley: It's my hobby.
- Sally Rogers: [presenting her flower] Do you know anything about that?
- Mel Cooley: [taking and appraising it] Why yes. It's a rose.
- [Mel hands it back and exits]
- Buddy Sorrell: We shoulda called him earlier.
- Rob Petrie: You know something about that rose?
- Bert Monker: Why shouldn't I know something about the rose?
- Rob Petrie: Bert, why do you always answer a question with a question?
- Bert Monker: Do I?
- Buddy Sorrell: [seeing Mel exit] There he goes, the only office boy with a key to the executive washroom.
- Actor: [dramatically] I have come with it.
- Unseen Actor: [dramatically] And you will die with it. Bang-bang!
- Bert Monker: I would climb mountains, swim oceans, cross deserts for you. Lucky, I only had to take the subway.
- Sally Rogers: That's a little more dangerous than the other three.
- Bert Monker: Exactly one year ago today, this lovely lady came into my place and whispered these sweet words that will live forever in my heart, "Pastrami with mustard, please".
- Sally Rogers: How do you remember that?
- Bert Monker: You're the only one who ever said "Please".
- Rob Petrie: [Buddy suggests that a rose found in Sally's desk could be for Rob or himself] Oh come on, they don't send roses to fellas.
- Buddy Sorrell: Yeah, that's right, a rose is kind of a sissy flower.
- Rob Petrie: Are there manly flowers?
- Buddy Sorrell: Why sure, there's snapdragons, tiger lilies, stinkweed.
- Sally Rogers: Oh Buddy, come on!
- Buddy Sorrell: Crabgrass, jonquils...