The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
The Ugliest Dog in the World (1965)
Richard Deacon: Mel Cooley
Quotes
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Sally Rogers : Don't tell me Alan wants the script.
Mel Cooley : Of course, and so does Pally's trainer.
Sally Rogers : You mean the dog has script approval?
Buddy Sorrell : No, they ran outta newspaper.
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[the canine Pygmalion sketch is out]
Mel Cooley : So I guess you better take your dog back to the pound.
Buddy Sorrell : No, why don't we keep him and send YOU to the pound? They'll never know the difference.
Sally Rogers : Oh, sure they will. The dog's got more hair.
Mel Cooley : SALLY!
Sally Rogers : Well, Mel, I just thought it would hurt less coming from me.
Mel Cooley : Well, it didn't.
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Mel Cooley : [seeing Buddy on all fours] Should I throw you a bone?
Buddy Sorrell : Why, do you wanna get rid of your head?
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Mel Cooley : Oh, I'd rather not show anything to Alan that's unfinished.
Buddy Sorrell : Why? He sees YOU all the time.
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Mel Cooley : "Pygmalion?" Do you think it'd work with a dog?
Sally Rogers : Why not? It was great with pigs.
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Mel Cooley : Oh, I think I'd better check with Pally's trainer. I don't think they'll let that creature near her.
Buddy Sorrell : They let YOU near her. This is a step up.
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Sally Rogers : I think it's a fabulous idea, Rob. Really.
Buddy Sorrell : What's so fabulous about it?
Sally Rogers : It's a classic. They based "My Fair Lady" on it, stupid.
Rob Petrie : Mel, what do you think?
Mel Cooley : I agree with you and Sally. The idea's good and Buddy's stupid.
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Mel Cooley : Alan won't work with any actor who bites him.