- Sally Rogers: Don't tell me Alan wants the script.
- Mel Cooley: Of course, and so does Pally's trainer.
- Sally Rogers: You mean the dog has script approval?
- Buddy Sorrell: No, they ran outta newspaper.
- [the canine Pygmalion sketch is out]
- Mel Cooley: So I guess you better take your dog back to the pound.
- Buddy Sorrell: No, why don't we keep him and send YOU to the pound? They'll never know the difference.
- Sally Rogers: Oh, sure they will. The dog's got more hair.
- Mel Cooley: SALLY!
- Sally Rogers: Well, Mel, I just thought it would hurt less coming from me.
- Mel Cooley: Well, it didn't.
- Rex Spaulding: [checking over Horrible] What exactly did you have in mind?
- Rob Petrie: Well, we-we wanna... we want you to make him beautiful.
- Rex Spaulding: [looking back at Horrible] And your second choice?
- Rex Spaulding: Once in every man's lifetime there comes a supreme challenge.
- Rob Petrie: You mean you'll take a shot at horrible?
- Rex Spaulding: A shot would be the humane thing to do.
- Mel Cooley: [seeing Buddy on all fours] Should I throw you a bone?
- Buddy Sorrell: Why, do you wanna get rid of your head?
- Mel Cooley: Oh, I'd rather not show anything to Alan that's unfinished.
- Buddy Sorrell: Why? He sees YOU all the time.
- Mel Cooley: "Pygmalion?" Do you think it'd work with a dog?
- Sally Rogers: Why not? It was great with pigs.
- [Rob introduces the ugliest dog anyone's ever seen]
- Rob Petrie: I got him at the dog pound. Isn't he ghastly? He's a stray.
- Buddy Sorrell: Stray, nothing. He missed completely.
- Mel Cooley: Oh, I think I'd better check with Pally's trainer. I don't think they'll let that creature near her.
- Buddy Sorrell: They let YOU near her. This is a step up.
- [last lines]
- Rob Petrie: But aren't you proud you live in a country where a dirty, old poocock can end up living with a rich, young Freek.
- Sally Rogers: I think it's a fabulous idea, Rob. Really.
- Buddy Sorrell: What's so fabulous about it?
- Sally Rogers: It's a classic. They based "My Fair Lady" on it, stupid.
- Rob Petrie: Mel, what do you think?
- Mel Cooley: I agree with you and Sally. The idea's good and Buddy's stupid.