Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)

Broadcaster Ben (1997)

Dom Irrera: Dom

Quotes 

• Dom : People say I'm paranoid, right? Well maybe you'd be a little paranoid if there was a world organization bent on your destruction.

  Dr. Katz : Is this your UNICEF theory again?

  Dom : You're not the one calling me and hanging up, are ya?

  Dr. Katz : No.

  Dom : 'Cause it sounds like your breath.

• Dom : I lost my grandmother recently.

  Dr. Katz : I'm sorry.

  Dom : No, she didn't die; we lost her. She ac- she actually shrunk to the point where we can't find her anymore. I think she's nappin' in the Kleenex box, tell you the truth. You know what cracks me up, doc? Everybody talks about "the good side" to things, the bring side. What's the bright side to shrinking? I'd like to know that. What, maybe I'll be able to stand up in the back of a car someday: "Wow, I haven't had this view since I was four years old!"

• Dom : He has no concept of himself, my cousin Louie. He thinks the Mafia is after him, right?

  Dr. Katz : Yeah.

  Dom : He says, "Dom, I think the Mafia's after me, the mob wants to take me down." I said, "Louie, you're thirty-seven years old, you have no money, no job, you live with your mother. The Mafia wouldn't waste a stale mozzarella stick on the back of your greasy, dandruff-filled head. And I don't mean that in a bad way, Louie." I mean, some guys, no matter what they look like, they think they should be goin' out with a model. A guy could be... I hate to use the word "squat", no offense, doc.

  Dr. Katz : None taken.

  Dom : He could look like a reflection in a car door, one of these guys that looks like Mary Lou Retten's brothers, you know those guys, those kinda midget-y, dwarf-y guys?

  Dr. Katz : Yeah.

  Dom : Doc, he has no concept of himself. We walk into a restaurant, he goes, "Hey Dom, I think the waitress noticed me." I said, "Yeah, Louie, what do you think that nineteen year old ballerina noticed about you, huh? Your big, hairy, sweaty beer belly hangin' over your belt, or that mutant mole comin' out of that, the middle of your forehead? You think she wanted to jump up on your tummy and take love nibbles offa that, huh, Louie?" Can you help him, doc?

  Dr. Katz : Doesn't sound like he needs any help.

  Dom : You're a better man than I am, Dr. Katz, Dr. Katz. A better man than I am.

  Dr. Katz : Well, I don't know about THAT.

  Dom : You know, I saw a guy who had the opposite of Tourette's Syndrome.

  Dr. Katz : Yeah.

  Dom : In the middle of a curse, he'd break into a compliment: Why you ain't nothin' but a dirty, stinkin'- nice shooooes!