Drop the Dead Donkey (TV Series)

Crime Time (1994)

David Swift: Henry Davenport

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Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Henry Davenport : So hands up all those who agree with Tom. So there we are. Let me remind you that this week on Davenport's Dilemmas we're dealing with divorce. Now Leslie, uh, Leslie, your husband left you. How did you feel?

  Lesley : Shattered, Henry. For weeks I just cried and cried.

  Henry Davenport : Really?

  Lesley : I'd done nothing to deserve it and yet I was totally abandoned.

  Henry Davenport : Well, presumably, old father time heals all wounds.

  Lesley : No, I still feel totally wretched. If you're a forty-five year old divorcee, nobody is interested. You're totally on the scrapheap.

  Henry Davenport : Yes, yes, but on the other hand, you are a self-pitying winger.

  Lesley : Sorry?

  Henry Davenport : Well you might be-hand's up all those men in who here who wouldn't touch Leslie with a barge pole.

• Henry Davenport : Umm, he drugs them.

  Joy Merryweather : He wears a bag on his head.

  Gus Hedges : ...What's this?

  Joy Merryweather : We're playing "How does David Mellor get laid". I know. It's an incredibly subliminal form of advertising the lottery. You know, if David Mellor can get laid, then I can win the lottery.