- Damien Day: It was then that the fickle finger of fate flicking through his London A to Z picked out this sleepy little post office in Dalston.
- [last lines]
- Gus Hedges: I was wondering if, um, you'd like to marry me.
- Anna: That's very kind of you, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
- [first lines]
- Henry Davenport: So hands up all those who agree with Tom. So there we are. Let me remind you that this week on Davenport's Dilemmas we're dealing with divorce. Now Leslie, uh, Leslie, your husband left you. How did you feel?
- Lesley: Shattered, Henry. For weeks I just cried and cried.
- Henry Davenport: Really?
- Lesley: I'd done nothing to deserve it and yet I was totally abandoned.
- Henry Davenport: Well, presumably, old father time heals all wounds.
- Lesley: No, I still feel totally wretched. If you're a forty-five year old divorcee, nobody is interested. You're totally on the scrapheap.
- Henry Davenport: Yes, yes, but on the other hand, you are a self-pitying winger.
- Lesley: Sorry?
- Henry Davenport: Well you might be-hand's up all those men in who here who wouldn't touch Leslie with a barge pole.
- Joy Merryweather: [handing over the phone] George, it's for you. It's your scheming Polish fiancé.
- George Dent: Yes, thank you.
- Joy Merryweather: The one who's using your stupidity to get herself a British passport.
- George Dent: Yes thank you, Joy.
- Dave Charnley: I've just been thinking about... things. How I've never achieved anything useful.
- Joy Merryweather: So um, when exactly is your birthday?
- Dave Charnley: Thursday. Hang on - how did you know it was my birthday?
- Joy Merryweather: Men in their thirties always get very miserable before their birthdays. It's called PMT - pre-middle-aged tension.
- Gus Hedges: [on phone] So, Chief Inspector.. was anyone shot in this robbery? Three people, that's tremendous... . ly brutal!
- Henry Davenport: Umm, he drugs them.
- Joy Merryweather: He wears a bag on his head.
- Gus Hedges: ...What's this?
- Joy Merryweather: We're playing "How does David Mellor get laid". I know. It's an incredibly subliminal form of advertising the lottery. You know, if David Mellor can get laid, then I can win the lottery.