- Henry Davenport: [Upon learning that Alex has decided to accept a pay cut for everyone to prevent redundancies] Welcome to invertebrates anonymous.
- Alex Pates: [George and Damien are totally distracted reading a leaked memo about staff downsizing] George, TV Times have been on the phone, they want Sally to do a piece on her favourite recipe.
- Alex Pates: ...So I told them that Sally eats children lightly sauteed with a sprig of rosemary.
- George Dent: Mmm-hmm.
- Alex Pates: And then I said that Henry was a sexual pervert who buggers budgerigars.
- George Dent: Oh right, well done.
- Alex Pates: [grabbing the document] What the hell are you looking at?
- George Dent: What are you two doing in here?
- Dave Charnley: Me and my friend are taking part in be a nosy git week.
- Gus Hedges: The plain truth is, the last few years have seen a succession of expensive international stories. In fact, the liberation of Eastern Europe was just about the worst thing that could have happened to us. And then of course, there was the war in the Gulf...
- George Dent: Yes well, let's hope Saddam Hussein invades somewhere closer next time...
- Gus Hedges: Yes, quite!
- Alex Pates: [reading document] Cuts will be radical and swift. Staff over 50 must be forced to take voluntary early retirement.
- Henry Davenport: Don't be silly that doesn't apply to me!
- Alex Pates: [quoting document again] This especially applies to newsreaders, who should be replaced by younger personnel on smaller salaries.
- Dave Charnley: Right, everybody down into the shelter...
- Henry Davenport: Isn't that bloody typical? They want to replace me with a colourless, pre-pubescent dullard. It's the spirit of the age. I blame... John Major. HOW DID HE BECOME PRIME MINISTER FOR GOD'S SAKE, THE MAN'S A BLOODY HOLOGRAM! BUT HE'S YOUNG! DULL AS AN AMOEBA'S ARSEHOLE, BUT HE'S YOUNG!
- Gus Hedges: [on the phone] Yes, right, Sir Roysten... we must focus on the Labour defence debate in way that's responsible - lots of shots of shots of Tony Benn looking like a loony, absolutely.
- Alex Pates: God, what a ditherer Major is. Half the time he can't even make up his mind whether to dither or not.